My response to this boy’s email is necessarily superficial. A book or two would be necessary for a proper answer.
I am trying to figure out my sexuality. First I am a 23y/o skinny androgynous guy with shoulderlength wavy/curly hair and a hourglass figure :) I love my waist lol (i like to be a bit feminine) What made me think I am not a normal straight boy, but more of a kinky person, is the following: I dont like to be dominant with women, ie ‘shoving it in them’
There are straight men who don’t want to penetrate a woman. They want to perform cunnlingus exclusively. And there are healthy and sane women who don’t want a man’s penis inside them.
How many of these men and women are inclined to D/s I have no idea. Sexuality finely gradated and nuanced. Labels are signposts for discussion but can be very imperfect instruments for actually describing one person’s sexuality.
but thats how straight sex usually goes. i want to make them happy, but i also think its sexy if they are dominant (taking the initiative) but also caring (petting you on the back etc…those small touches that show you care). …
The need for love an affection, even to be treated as a beloved pet is perfectly OK.
so i guess this makes me submissive. yet in the bdsm world submissive often means being a slave, and being humilated.
In BDSM jargon the submissive person is distinguished from the slave. Folks say the submissive male or female has the right to say no. The slave does not. That is silly: when a slave says no the top better stop before he or she winds up in jail.
But the distinction is useful in describing the experience the bottom desires and needs.
You want someone to take charge, to make the choices, to use you for pleasure. And you need affection and approval. You need to be esteemed. Not every bottom is humiliation junkie.
i also like slight bondage/toys. does this make me a switch or still submissive?
You would be a switch only if you at times wanted to be the top.
i just dont like the power exchange i guess.
I think you do. But you want a kind and tender power exchange. There are women and men who find that beautiful. Don’t be misled by men begging to be used as beasts or boast that they are worthless. Who wants a worthless person?
Master and sissyboy by Bernard Montorgueil
lately i have been> interested in (other peoples) cocks as well.
Welcome to bisexuality. If it were for social conditioning and inhibitions we’d see that more men are bisexual than they suspect.
its a sign of submissiveness for me.
Very many people see the penis as an instrument of power. And dominance or submission in one’s relation to penises.
the main thing that bothers me is if not wanting to use your own penis on others makes me submissive
Not necessarily. There are transsexuals who don’t want the cock they were born with who have no desire to be submissive. But in general, yes.
makes me a person with a brain more suited for a female.
You will have to figure that out. There are guys who are satisfied just by wearing women’s lingerie. Others need to dress as a woman, crossdressers. And some actually need to cross the gender divide and become female.
It can take years to actually discern what your needs are. How bisexual. How submissive. A feminine male. Or a male who needs to become female.
It is only with experience that you can really begin to learn. Sexuality and sexual identity often evolves or unfolds in response to what happens to us.
i read that you have known transsexuals and different bdsm relations.. so maybe you have some valuable experience
My shame is that you wrote to me two years ago. I promised you a quick response. I let you down. You are the kind of person I should never fail.