Are you a transvestite's Mr. Right?

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A crossdressing friend is looking for what I'll call in the parlance of the self-help books Mr. Right. Like all Mr. Rights he'd ideally be a man to love for a lifetime. Sufficient would be a guy with whom you enjoy sharing a meal, loll about for hours to no particular purpose and - of course - keeps the sex in your sexuality.

You may be looking for him yourself.

It is a Hell of a lot tougher if you are a self-respecting gay transvestite.*

My friend is smart, deeply empathetic and - I think - an attractive person in any clothing. When it isn't ourselves we are despairing for we've all got friends we think should've found a guy, or a legion of them.

Often I've hoped my friend would meet Mr. Right. During last night's inevitably fitful sleep I wondered what the right man would be like. Or rather what kind of guy is attracted to gay transvestites.

I realized I've always thought my friend should find someone like me. A man who eventually arrived at something akin to sexual universalism: there's no inherently undesirable permutation of gender.

How many pansexual folk in the sense I use the word are there? Not enough to show up in surveys even it were an option on the questionnaire.

What kinds of men pursue transvestites and would be satisfactory for my friend.

A faux heterosexual can never be Mr. Right. If that the pretty one in the dress has a penis and you think you are straight you need to come to a better understanding of your own penis.

Honestly bisexual men. What else could be the answer? For whom the form and surface qualities are enough regardless of anatomy. From talking to transvestites it seems, as there are too many bisexual men who lie to themselves and dismiss the real gender of the men they pursue. Transvestites are men. And they have lives without skirts and garters. If you were Mr. Right you'd have to care as much about them in a three-piece suite as a micro-mini.

As is the wont of the penis, transvestite penises complicate matters. For some men a transvestite's dress is a way for them to get to the cock they want without having to admit the real object of desire. These men are among the most common objects of all transgendered persons' scorn. "Honey, he just rolled over!"

Not necessarily for my friend - I've never asked - many a crossdresser wants the penis accepted but ignored.

Liking all primary, secondary and - can the buttocks be considered tertiary? - sexual parts if I were inventing my ideal crossdresser she wouldn't mind if I enjoyed it all. But for most that would ruin the illusion of girlhood. And it isn't as if I ever minded a similar indifference to their cock in a guy. But I could touch it without giving offense.

Which takes us far a field from my friend's search. It always boils down to the same thing. Whatever your sexuality if you are romantic you are looking for a miracle. Harmonies of sensibility, sex appeal.

Though for bright, self-respecting gay crossdresser the potential population is very, very small.


The first image of sexual ambiguity that came to me was the classical hermaphrodite. Dresses, gender qualities didn't enter into the image. In learning about transvestites it took me a while to understand that their own penis was a taboo object. Many years ago I was very aroused when a boy told me had no use for his own penis. But he wouldn't have flinched if I caressed it.

* Never hurts to restate premises. I only write about gay transvestites. Heterosexual crossdressers likely have other issues. A clear distinction between gay guys who like to wear girls' cloths and transsexual people is always assumed. The latter are seeking to overcome what uncaring chromosomes or irresponsible doctors have done. And diverse gradations and sidebands of gender qualities are always assumed.


I will be brief. The bad experience described is all too common. However, it is also an all too common an experience for heterosexual genetic girls. In a strange way, it’s a tribute to the femininity of transvestites/transsexuals, as it represents equality — of abuse. I’ve known many trannies and the transgendered community fairly well, I think. Some have had these bad experiences. Sometimes from men who think they are straight (are they? who cares?), sometimes from men who think they are gay and that trannies are too (that can be a BIG misunderstanding), and sometimes, I suppose, from men like me, for whom the polite term is “admirers” and the impolite term is “tranny-chasers.” But whatever I am, I myself have never treated any TS/TV/TG/CD (so many abbreviations!) disrespectfully.
I just hope that no TS[etc.] will give up on the possibility of a relationship for a man,unless of course that never interested her anyway. There may be even fewer men who exclusively desire transsexuals than there are transsexuals who desire to be desired by men. As one of those men (single, by the way) I just want to assert that we exist and we are for real.

Bob Black

i was thinking that bisexuals (for lack of a better category)would be the way to go. but then, nothing, for me, is worse than a fellow who expects a transgirl to top. and if you think about it, what makes a man a bisexual is that he gets what he wants by doing what he does to a gal, and wants something done to him from a guy. so now, the probability of a bisexual wanting to be a bottom with a transgirl, is quite high. because if he wanted to top in the first place, he could easily do it to a real girl.

so really, it has to be either a broad-minded gay man (literary allusions aside) or one damn kinky straight man.

i feel as if i’m a private detective trying to backward solve a puzzle. this is panning out to be a mystery-play.

i think i’m going to call my life, “two dicks in search of a man.”

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Are you a transvestite's Mr. Right?
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