Crossdresser Dreams

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Even though I’m not going to be looking anytime soon - if ever again - I still find the idea playing through my mind.

And the portion of my erotic self represented here naturally turns to the guys who inspire my androgynophillia.

Not transsexuals. I think of transpersons - at least post-op mtf transsexuals - as women. Not that women can’t be androgynous, oh no. But it has always been difficult for me to think of someone who so strongly needs to overthrow biology as androgynous. In my limited imagination an androgynous person would comfortably embrace both gender qualities.

Alex and I had a minor disconnect about this. She thinks of herself as androgynous. But wouldn’t be happy wearing some of the male clothing I enjoy seeing on a genetic female. It was never a real matter of contention. I just thought of Alex as female and forgot about it. Besides I’m the last person to be disputing anyone’s sense of his or her gender. What they see in themselves is what matters.

And should any transsexual wander this way I hope they don’t see what I wrote above as devaluing them. I’m writing of my wayward imagination, not the realities of love when it is found.

It seems that I’d normally be letting myself fancy some imaginary nelly guy. That I don’t may be caused I don’t see any femme guys near my own age. Are they conforming, hiding or choosing to not live here?

Often I find myself thinking of crossdressers. When I used to write often about androgyny I did my damnedest to make it clear I had no fixation on transvestites. I didn’t. I’d found myself sharing thoughts with so many that they were often in my mind. That greatly abated as relationships in the flesh took up my time.

I’ve never gone about looking at photographs of transvestites to ogle. On one level that doesn’t even make sent to me. You are looking at someone’s in female attire. Sometimes I’d leave a note saying the guy looked nice in a dress (even if that wasn’t true). But that was because that expression of approbation is often the kindest act you can perform.

I don’t obsess over the idea of someone with a penis in a skirt. As with many gay men how they relate to their penis controls how I feel about it. And most crossdressers seem to prefer that their primary sexual characteristic go discreetly ignored.

So why do they often come to my mind? I don’t have any idea.

I’m not fantasizing about sex with a guy in a dress. I’m not fantasizing about sex much at all. Perhaps it is a desire to say silly sweet things. To offer flatter that strengthens another’s self-esteem. Yeah, I still want to make someone feel special.

This - probably transitory - erotic bias doesn’t really seem healthy. But given that it hasn’t become an obsession, I’ve no plans at all to attempt to translate it into reality I guess it does no harm.

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Even if a trans*girl passes well, she may pass successfully as an unattractive girl. That’s been my mantra for the past year. I’ve always followed my instinct of what looks good. Sometimes it may lean a little towards masculine dressing, sometimes a little towards girly cute. But to follow a strict set of rules seems as restrictive as the boundaries tgirls claim to want to escape in the drab universe of male attire. Clothing seems easy to acquire, sex change depends on will and finance, style is almost as elusive as Nelliness. I’ve said this before: either one has fostered Nelly behavior for decades that it becomes natural or it’s a complete put-on. Most of the cd’s I’ve met rever their male genitals. It’s the SRS people who seem to abhor it. I look at the sexual organs of both sexes with a bit of wonder. Though I think the male organ tends to be a bit more proactive and the other one seems a tad complacent. (suppressed chuckle)

I doubt I’ll ever find myself actually involved with a transvestite. But if I were it would have to be with one who is at peace with his physiology.

Decades is kind of pushing it a bit. The first nelly guys I met hadn’t yet been alive for two full decades.

I’ve tended to assume that the persona that I enjoy emerges both ‘naturally’ - feminine identity when young and ‘artificially,’ in an attempt to blend in. Though the latter would’ve been more true when femme gay guys were more common, bless ‘em.

Some of the most attractive and feminine women I have seem are transsexual women. With facial feminization surgery, as well as female hormones and breast implants, many trannssexual women are as beautiful and feminine as many of the most beautiful and feminine genetic women.

Only a person who is ignorant of transsexual women and the transsexual community would make a statement saying that most transsexual women are unattractive.

Is Harisu, the beautiful T-lady actress and singer from South Korea unattractive? Is T-lady singer Dana International from Israel unattractive? They and many other T-ladies are very beautiful and feminine women, just the transsexual type of lady.

It is just incredibly insulting and ignorant that people would assume that transsexual women are “unattractive”. Some of the most beautiful women, either genetic women or transsexual women, are t-ladies. There are numerous examples of this. With facial feminization surgery so well-developed, and female hormones, breast implants etc., many of us t-ladies are very feminine and beautiful, and date or marry handsome masculine men.

The person who left the comment has a huge amount of real world experience.

Look: many mtf transsexuals aren’t lucky enough to have a bone and body structure that will ever resemble anything like what is considered attractive in genetic females. That is far more important and serious than how good looking some celebrity trans entertainer is. Would you compare the average biologically born woman to Hollywood hotties?

true, neither your average genetic woman or your average transsexual woman has movie star looks.

it must be said though that in the past decade female feminization surgery has improved significantly, and it is possible now, (if you get a good surgeon and really spend the money), to have just about any man’s face turned into a beautiful feminine face. you wouldn’t believe what they are doing these days with restructuring and facial surgery.

i had my chin, jaws, cheekbones,forehead, and nose done, with several very painful and very expensive operations by one of the best female feminization surgeons in the country.

i can assure you, it is not for the meek, and it took months to fully recover.

but was it ever worth it!

i have been told i look alot like jessica simpson, who i believe is a beautiful woman. my facial features are as feminine as hers, and i have the beautiful long blonde hair, the makeup and beautiful dresses, skirts, blouses, fashion scarves, earrings and jewelry, and thanks to my breast implants, the full ladylike boobs as well.

and of course the estrogen and anti-androgens i am taking has given me soft feminine skin, and a more shaply ladylike body.

you can’t believe what they can do these days.

i might also add that after i transitioned from a femme gay man to a beautiful feminine transexual woman, and am with a very handsome masculine hetrosexual man, i lost most of my male gay friends. it was like i was a “traitor” or something. like i went over to the “other side”, i became a hetrosexual woman with a handsome masculine hetrosexual man who had previously been married to a genetic woman and had a child with her.

i did keep my genetic women friends however, and my ex-wife and my daughters, and i gained some transsexual women friends, and also some hetrosexual men friends, who found me attractive as a lady.

i have noticed that most of the gay men i know put down trannsexual women as wanting to join the ‘hetro’ world, and as usually “unattractive” women, which is no longer true with modern surgery.

and the transexual women i know put down gay men, as being wimps and femmy unattractive guys, and not “real” men. if they were “real” men, like the handsome masculine hetrosexual men, they would date feminine genetic women or feminine transsexual women.

i have also noticed that many lesbians and gay men don’t like each other, and put each other down.

This is why the gay/les/bi/trans sexual minorities never get their full political rights as consenting adults.

neither the gay men, or the lesbian women, or the bisexuals, or the transsexuals, each group by itself, is that big, but all of those groups combined, are fairly big, perhaps ten percent of the people.

if we would quit putting each other down in silly juvenile ways, and work together politically, we could probably get enough liberal and moderate hetrosexuals to join us, and get our full political rights.

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