Even the homeliest androgyne

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Oh no love! you’re not alone
You’re watching yourself but you’re too unfair
You got your head all tangled up but if I could only
Make you care
- David Bowie

I started to apologize for a tardy email reply by saying that for some reason I seem to reply more promptly to transvestites than everybody else.

Then it hit me that almost every email exchange was to some transgendered acquaintance old and new. Odd how those virtual friendships have endured more than others. I guess my quasi-gender bias leaves me more interested in how their lives are going. And turned to one friend for advice (he was long my only confidant about how badly life was going with Charles).

I guess that is why a passing reference to URNotAlone.com found me at the site during my usual early morning bout of insomnia. URNotAlone is a site devoted to trans people. While I imagine the member profiles and galleries pay the bill the superficial feel of the place is fairly humane.

Would I place an ad here if I were actively looking I wondered.

I found I could list myself as an 'admirer.' While many of my crossdressing friends are admirable they are no less so in pants.

'Tranny chaser' was an option! Having never heard that as other than a disparagement I had to laugh. To be fair I remembered one transsexual acquaintance exasperated by my nigglingly chaste was of addressing trans people who told me to remember than some trannies liked to be chased.

Pansexual proved to be an option. I was impressed. I couldn't remember any other site offering that.

OK, who could pansexual me meet in North Carolina. I wasn't charmed. It wasn't a matter of looks, most of the photos are so tiny I had no idea how attractive the girls were. Not a one of them identified as gay. It isn't fair but bisexual transvestites make me feel wary.

Actually I find myself wanting to push out of my bias toward androgynous gay males. It blocks me off from the vast majority of gay men. I'd have many more options if I would "think inside the box" of the homoerotic paradigm.

After all I did have an encounter with a straight acting gay man some month's before I met Charles. Not that it left me wanting another.

And I was talking seriously with a far butcher man than I'd ever been with right about the time I met Charles. As the cliché goes even blind people can tell Charles is gay. The moment his pixie dust hit me the normal acting man seemed as interesting as a slice of stale white bread.

I fear it will always be that way. Even the homeliest androgyne will blind me to ordinary gay men.

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There is some thing about these people that brings out the male need to take care of someone. I am not talking about nurturing but the “I will provide, protect and possess you” . This seems to be built into the masculine male psyche.

The androgynous/femine gay male seem to be able to bring this trait out while not being subject to it. They seem to have the trait of nurturing/fussing that seems to be part of the female thing.

Of course people do not fit into little boxes or catagories so the above is a very loose observation/conclusion I have made over the years of people watching and self observation.

While my man is not the least androgynous or femine he suffers from a long term terminal illness and before the illness has had the “take care of me thing” down pat(I realized early on that this was one of the things that attracted me)and now from the illness needs alot of ongoing daily care.

Neither of us is nelly or are “queens” both are comfortable being male/men but there seems to be this unspoken role we each play.

I have noted the above from my observations this is seems to be a general rule(male-male, male-female, and female-female) in all relationships.

I do not belive these traits are male or female, gay, metrosexual, bisexual or hetrosexual but just components of the individual.

But then I also belive we gay folk are born gay and as such need to accept that. I also belive that bisexuals are born bisexual. Inaddition I belive that bisexuality as a norm in human behaviour would explain alot of the mysterys we associate with our sexual identity.

I’ve tended to attract either willful nelly gay guys (which I kind of like) or the passive ones who can’t manage their own life and need somebody to do it for them. That please-help-me look suckers me every time. Thinking back I don’t think I’ve ever attracted a nurturer. I do appeal to fussers (or just like fussy guys). \

Maybe because I don’t seem to seem to need nurturing. A shame since I’d welcome it, just last night I vivid mental image of how nice it would be to lean on someone every now and then.

While I’m mildly masculine I’m incapable of enjoying it in others. There’ve been a few rare exceptions where certain personal qualities came through. I’d welcome more such exceptions.

Most of my friends are heterosexual men. They are all nurturers.

The femme gay guys I’ve known have usually been at least slightly sexually submissive. Something I think partly rooted in a male’s perception of femininity. Kind of sexist. (Not that I’ve object.)

I have no idea what people did sexually in prehistory. I think socialized people probably do have varying amounts of latent bisexuality.

A very hasty reply.

Hi. I have always been attracted to androgynous men. I am butch on the outside, but much softer on the inside. My dream is to have a very close relationship with a man who has strong feminine attributes.

I have found androgynous men to be most endearing, most sexy and exciting. One of my first loves in high school was John. He loved to roller skate, he was a nerd, and had a higher pitched voice. We became friends a little bit in high school.

There is more to the story, but best to say how difficult it is for me to find androgynous men who won’t shy away. I am a larger, tall, handsome man who would adore a man who was totally himself.

When I was first out at age 22, I met a someone who defined themselves as transgendered (1979). He scared me half to death. I couldn’t wrap my head around the concept at the time and said “give me a break, I’ve only been out for a week.”

I’m still looking for that androgynous gay man who is tender, sweet, strong, sassy and loving.

Your feelings?

Please share your feelings about Even the homeliest androgyne.

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