Even the homeliest androgyne
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Oh no love! you’re not alone
You’re watching yourself but you’re too unfair
You got your head all tangled up but if I could only
Make you care
- David Bowie
I started to apologize for a tardy email reply by saying that for some reason I seem to reply more promptly to transvestites than everybody else.
Then it hit me that almost every email exchange was to some transgendered acquaintance old and new. Odd how those virtual friendships have endured more than others. I guess my quasi-gender bias leaves me more interested in how their lives are going. And turned to one friend for advice (he was long my only confidant about how badly life was going with Charles).
I guess that is why a passing reference to URNotAlone.com found me at the site during my usual early morning bout of insomnia. URNotAlone is a site devoted to trans people. While I imagine the member profiles and galleries pay the bill the superficial feel of the place is fairly humane.
Would I place an ad here if I were actively looking I wondered.
I found I could list myself as an 'admirer.' While many of my crossdressing friends are admirable they are no less so in pants.
'Tranny chaser' was an option! Having never heard that as other than a disparagement I had to laugh. To be fair I remembered one transsexual acquaintance exasperated by my nigglingly chaste was of addressing trans people who told me to remember than some trannies liked to be chased.
Pansexual proved to be an option. I was impressed. I couldn't remember any other site offering that.
OK, who could pansexual me meet in North Carolina. I wasn't charmed. It wasn't a matter of looks, most of the photos are so tiny I had no idea how attractive the girls were. Not a one of them identified as gay. It isn't fair but bisexual transvestites make me feel wary.
Actually I find myself wanting to push out of my bias toward androgynous gay males. It blocks me off from the vast majority of gay men. I'd have many more options if I would "think inside the box" of the homoerotic paradigm.
After all I did have an encounter with a straight acting gay man some month's before I met Charles. Not that it left me wanting another.
And I was talking seriously with a far butcher man than I'd ever been with right about the time I met Charles. As the cliché goes even blind people can tell Charles is gay. The moment his pixie dust hit me the normal acting man seemed as interesting as a slice of stale white bread.
I fear it will always be that way. Even the homeliest androgyne will blind me to ordinary gay men.