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In exchanging emails with one of my oldest online-only friends I learned that Alex wishes to become Alexandra.

I was surprised, worried and I have to confess actually displeased.

Surprised: I've always thought of Alex as a proudly feminine gay lad. I know how he's suffered from the average queer's sissyphobia. I've always pictured him strutting about in halter tops and hip huggers (or whatever he likes to wear).

Worried: Alex may be hoping that Alexandra the girl will find more acceptance than swishy Alex. MTF transsexuals don't have an easy road. Probably worse than having a hard time finding a boyfriend and being mocked for a 'poofter.'

Displeased: Alex lives in the UK, we aren't apt to ever meet. But he is one of those guys that if I were younger and he nearer I'd certainly liked to know more intimately (in all senses). Though we've only known each other via the web Alex gives off that androgynous girlyboy vibe that is one of the best things in this, the only, life. If he becomes female that won't be true anymore (not that girls, born or made aren't attractive).

This is nothing more than my wayward imagination. If become a woman is what is best for Alex(andra) then I wish him the best. But I hope he is fully sure that SRS is what he needs to become who he feels she is.

Comments

has anyone ever wondered why places such as Johns-Hopkins in Maryland require extensive interviews and examination before SRS for an individual is given the green-light? has anyone ever looked into the less published stats of post-op mtf ts’s who want or have gone forth with a reversal operation?

i think these two facts have to do with the tunnel vision people have when deciding on The Big Step in their lives. it’s easy to forget that being a woman has many real social pitfalls when we are being constantly bombarded by visions of just how much ATTENTION women get in our society. men take many solitary privileges for granted where women will fear to tread. (think: dark alleys)

an architect friend of mine once confided in me about contracts he has from unhappy rich people who ask him to relocate a wall in their lavish mansions. they’ve told him that they were not happy with the wall being where it was. they asked it to be moved to another location within the house. to this day, he is constantly fighting the urge to say, “if you’re not happy with what you already have, i have news for you: moving this wall from here to there just ain’t going to cut it.”

no pun eh…intended.

1) don’t bring up johns hopkins. just don’t.

2) yes, some examination has been undertaken of post-srs regret and its consequences. it’s sufficiently infrequent to support triadic therapy as a very successful regime.

3) don’t presume that all, or even many, MTF TSs pursue their path on some kind of vaguely-examined whim, or that they think of living in the world as a woman to be a glorious fantasy fulfilled. most of us are painfully aware, not only of the general realities of the situation, but of how risky and difficult things really are for people with our characteristics… as richard clearly understands.

Hi Richard. I appreciate the note, and will reply to that shortly. All I can say is, I’m sorry you feel that way, but what to do? I do appreciate your concern and also your honesty.

“Ive always thought of Alex as a proudly feminine gay lad.”

I am proud of who I am right now. Part of me is sad to move on, if indeed I ever /do/ get a chance to move on (the process, when taking the non-money route at least, is extremely long and drawn out with only 4% ever getting through the ‘filter’).

“Alex may be hoping that Alexandra the girl will find more acceptance than swishy Alex.”

I think I will get more acceptance and be able to blend in more, yes, but that isn’t really a valid reason for a sex change. The real reason is just something you feel inside and can’t really be explained in words. It is a holistic thing that people, including myself, just ‘sense’. Part of me is ready for the fact that I may be wrong in my ‘self diagnosis’, I think it’s only healthy to have this as a landing mat if things turn out unexpectedly. But I am almost certain that I am not mistaken.

“Though weve only known each other via the web Alex gives off that androgynous girlyboy vibe that is one of the best things in this, the only, life. If he becomes female that wont be true anymore (not that girls, born or made are attractive).”

I appreciate your kind words, Richard. But who I am is a very specific and definate thing which I can feel, and altering my body isn’t going to change that much. There will be some psychological changes but that is in part what I am hoping for, the loss of that male testosterone element which creates a sexual urgency which clashes with my overall personality and causes friction.

I don’t think I will be ‘any less special’ for the change, and I know that isn’t exactly what you are saying, but I don’t know how else to word it. Any less interesting, real, I don’t know what word to use… I will still at best be androgynous, just more on the feminine side of androgynous than the male side.

“But I hope he is fully sure that SRS is what he needs to become who he feels she is.”

I am not pinning all my hopes on SRS or even really thinking about it very much. Right now my goals are to move to somewhere more accepting of ‘diversity’, to hopefully start hormone treatment, and get into a good groove with life. That is so much more important than anything else. The SRS is the next step from that but is a long way off, and I can’t say for sure it will be needed, or even if the hormones will go as planned. Who knows?

Pristine, first of all Hi :). There was recently a big fuss over a rich businessman who did just what you mention, had a reversal operation. It caused a lot of trouble for Russel Reid (/the/ most prominent Gender Vendor (as I like to call then) here in the UK). And understandably so. From what I know, dissatisfaction with results is rare, but of course there are bound to be some who are mistaken.

I felt a bit alienated reading your reply at first, with the analagy of the idle rich man with nothing better to do than knock down walls - but that’s mainly because I care about what you think, and we’ve talked about this stuff a bit IRL. But reading over it again I’m rationalizing that you are making blanket comparisons about M to F’s in general. It’s confusing because Richard is talking about me specifically (and something quite personal too, not that I am offended). I hope I’m being clear - I’m not doing this for drama reasons, I’m saying it because I’ve been put in a position where I feel I have to explain myself - I /want/ to explain myself.

Anyway, your stuff is in the mail as of this morning so you should get that soon :). I hope we can catch up soon, and you get some enjoyment out of my music (all 3 hours of it evil laugh).

Miss you both. Take care Alex/andra xxx

alex, do you have a new website for your mp3s. i talked to Dj’s in Austin who are into Aphex T. stuff and i was realling selling your work.

they asked if i had a website, my answer was “no.”

they asked if i could send them your recent work, i said i had none.

they asked what your new stuff sounded like.

i said: “i don’t know.”

As some people have called me “pussy’, I am not letting that slur get me down.

I have found solace with Venus, goddess of love. I want it to be me as #1 most feminine gay guy.

Your feelings?

Please share your feelings about Gay men who want to be more feminine.
Thanks,
Richard

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