Gay men who want to look more masculine

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A few weeks ago Charles said something to me that shocked me.

He said he wished he were more masculine.

As I said in a few dozen entries the when his Southern nelly gay guys' voice first came to me over the phone it slapped me dizzy. That sound had been so long unheard that I felt like biting the back of my neck and couldn't wait to meet him.

For Charles to say this felt like a betrayal.

No human being is more erotically exciting for me than a feminine gay man. The idealized sexuality, emotional high they evoke in me are justifications for being alive. But I expect my feminine guys to be proud of who they are.

I've been fooling myself haven't I?

The first boy I slept with was one of the two that had a moustache. The hair above the lip did not make him look butch. And it is the long fingernails digging into my back that I'll never forget.

Still he probably grew that moustache hoping to look more manly (a happily impossible task in his case). How many of the sweet sissies that I've loved if only for an hour wished they were more manly?

Maybe almost all of them. They liked butch guys and probably felt no one would desire them if they didn't look butch themselves. I remember when the ex-con look became popular back in the 70s. To me all that short hair and barely shaven faces were depressing sights. Surely they were all striving to look like the tough, in charge daddies they themselves were looking for.

Whatever their haircut they never seemed that butch, just, ah, oh well, unappealing. Now that pretty is more popular the desire to look like the TV star du jour makes more sense. Even the contemporary jock is harmonious looking.

But I fell in love with Charles because his bent wrist could bend my will. If he'd looked like David Beckham I wouldn't have been even slightly interested.

So his confession that he wished he were the kind of gay man I'm not attracted to was a slap in the face.

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When every ad in every paper says No Fats, No Fems it not hard to figure out that Fem’s just aren’t welcome in the gay world.

Is it any wonder they wish to be included?

My personals usually made it clear that I was looking for feminine guys. But that mostly netted me straight acting guys who wanted to be made into ‘bitches.’

Maybe there’s just a sissy shortage in North Carolina.

I remember when all of a sudden, lots of gay men started liking football. For a long time, gay men who liked football were scarce. The urge to fit the heterosexual definition of masculinity is longstanding for many gay men.

I see lots of masculinity in some very androgynous men. But it’s more about gutsiness, courage, and fire. The externals, oh change them if you must, but please know who you are inside and let that out, even in part.

I am a gay man who is considered “soft” by most. I don’t think I am considered a “sissy”, but I am not seen as “hard” or masculine.

This is a problem for me because I myself prefer masculine men and most of the masculine men I meet prefer other men who are also masculine.

I want to be more masculine. I know this sounds dumb but if anyone has any suggestions on how to accomplish this I would like to hear from you.

Thereís no shame in being soft. Far from it.

But if you want to butch it up:

Look at the clothing, haircut, posture and walk of masculine men and adapt your own behavior. Practice in front of a mirror.

Or find butch men who like softer guys. They do exist.

I’m amazed that you said that (don’t get me wrong I think its great)! Many people would start into a quasi-religious lecture about how its somehow wrong for a man to want to change his “natural” masculinity or effiminacy. You were just honest, helpful, and direct and trusted a sane rational adult to make his own decisions. Sorry for gushing I’m just pleasantly surprised is all.

Thereís no glory in being normal. If the current state of things is any indication normal people donít make for a worthwhile society.

Their conventionality isnít to be taken for happiness.

Regarding Richard’s sweet sweet comments - where have you been all my life??

Yes, boys ~ i am a hopelessly feminine gay male - very much so. Picture platinum blonde hair in a short bob ~ very girl, arched brows, always a bit of makeup to full-on war paint when going to clubs and low cut jeans and you’re in the right hemisphere. Sounds awful? Wonderful? Whichever, i must confess that i spend a lot of time alone hoping and dreaming that my prince will come…but it doesn’t happen all too often. I must agree with Tom Who? Where i live, (West Hollywood) the boys are all very very sweet with me - opening doors and such and a lot of ‘baby’s’ and that’s all nice, i do really appreciate it…but this is where is usually ends. Most are after Marlboro men and not bois such as myself. I do much better actually at mixed clubs with so-called (cough cough) straight boys who catch a momentary bug for the outrageous and i’ve had a lot of fun being there for them - but reality rises with the morning sun and they are gone before breakfast. The end efect is I end up feeling very used and hurt…and on a day after love when i should be glowing.

As far as gay men though, who I would really prefer to cuddle with - it’s a love to look, hate to touch situation. Honestly, if i could be more butch, i probably would ~ the sad truth is…i can’t! It’s just not me and I have contemplated making the transition to womanhood, for much the same reason as i think a lot of others do ~ it gives us respectability and acceptance in a world that is largely focused on the ultra-macho man. Most of my friends, t’s, all tell me this is where my soul lies, i am not yet convinced. I like being the way I am…but i would like it a lot more if i could find someone who needs that in his life as much as much as i do.

searching and hoping,


SRS to become Ďacceptedí strikes me as a bad idea. Yet another horrifying victory for normal people in a world they already rule.

If you felt disgust with your body then it could well be what you need. Otherwise it could become an act from which youíd never recover.

For me there will never be a class of people more special than the femme gay male. They/you have given my life a sense of beauty and joy like little else in life. Iím as grateful for their existence as I am saddened that most donít have better luck finding men who feel nothing but tenderness.

Morgan, I wish you happiness.


To you guys out there, I adore handsome, masculine men. I was a femme gay man who loved handsome masculine men, and loved pleasing them as a submissive, feminine gay man pleases his handsome masculine man.

I loved being a femme, in a skirt, nylons, high heels, and makeup. I had long dangle earrings, beautiful long blonde hair, and wore women’s perfume and carried a purse.

I eventually did decide to become a woman, and did transition from male to female. I went on female hormones, had my facial and chest hair permanently removed, had beautiful women’s breast implants )I have a 36-24-34 figure), had extensive facial femnnzation surgery to give me a beautiful woman’s face, and became a transexual woman, and a very beautiful and feminine lady. I can not only pass as a woman, no one would ever suspect I was once male, but I am more feminine and beautiful than most genetic women are. I have decided to be a non-op transexual woman, my handsome, loving man likes a beautiful feminine lady with that little something extra. ‘wink’ I have been made into a beautiful, feminine woman in every way except I have kept my lovely ladystick.

I am with a wonderful, very handsome masculine businessman who treats me wonderfully as a lady, and I am his beautiful loving wife and the stepmom to his children. I still have the long blonde hair, and I always dress very feminine, I always wear my makeup, I love my earrings, jewelry, fashion scarves, my pantyhose and lingerie, my dresses and skirts, and I very much love being a beautiful, feminine, submissive loving lady to my gorgeous handsome man.

Transitioning from male to female is not necessarily for every femme gay man, but it was the right thing for me to do. I am loving being a lady!

Queeny guys don’t do a thing for me sexually but I do find them entertaining. I know they can’t help the way they are…wouldn’t expect them to change. I like my men clean cut and masculine…like me.

There is more to femme gay men than being “entertaining”. That is a very condescending statement. I know before I transitioned from male to female, and when I dressed as a lady, I could pass as a beautiful lady, and was not interested in entertaining people,except maybe my man in private.

there’s nothing wrong with what he said, femme does not always mean “en femme” some gay men use it as a synonym for queenly or nelly, not necessarily any sort of transgender self-expression

Your feelings?

Please share your feelings about Gay men who want to look more masculine.

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Gay men who want to look more masculine
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