Gay men who want to look more masculine
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A few weeks ago Charles said something to me that shocked me.
He said he wished he were more masculine.
As I said in a few dozen entries the when his Southern nelly gay guys' voice first came to me over the phone it slapped me dizzy. That sound had been so long unheard that I felt like biting the back of my neck and couldn't wait to meet him.
For Charles to say this felt like a betrayal.
No human being is more erotically exciting for me than a feminine gay man. The idealized sexuality, emotional high they evoke in me are justifications for being alive. But I expect my feminine guys to be proud of who they are.
I've been fooling myself haven't I?
The first boy I slept with was one of the two that had a moustache. The hair above the lip did not make him look butch. And it is the long fingernails digging into my back that I'll never forget.
Still he probably grew that moustache hoping to look more manly (a happily impossible task in his case). How many of the sweet sissies that I've loved if only for an hour wished they were more manly?
Maybe almost all of them. They liked butch guys and probably felt no one would desire them if they didn't look butch themselves. I remember when the ex-con look became popular back in the 70s. To me all that short hair and barely shaven faces were depressing sights. Surely they were all striving to look like the tough, in charge daddies they themselves were looking for.
Whatever their haircut they never seemed that butch, just, ah, oh well, unappealing. Now that pretty is more popular the desire to look like the TV star du jour makes more sense. Even the contemporary jock is harmonious looking.
But I fell in love with Charles because his bent wrist could bend my will. If he'd looked like David Beckham I wouldn't have been even slightly interested.
So his confession that he wished he were the kind of gay man I'm not attracted to was a slap in the face.