Gender play: dykes vs. fags
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A lot of lesbians think it is counter-political to accept a role such as femme
I can't see it as being any 'worse' politically as identifying as butch.
I am not easily recognized as lesbian or queer. (Which does make me a little uncomfortable at times, on several levels.)
I'm, er, straight acting. Nobody can tell that I'm gay (one of the reasons I wore a "GAY" t-shirt back in the 70s). So I sometimes feel a little odd celebrating the feminine in men and mocking the determinedly heterosexual acting queers.
For me gender quality is like color. I like blue, I like feminine. I don't want the feminine to be subservient anymore than I want the color blue to be subservient. I think of my (sigh) 'butchness' as being a strong comforter, not a dominator. Nor do i think of my role as a comforter as being superior to a feminine comforter (like my momma, bless her).
For me gender qualities as I include them in my life are aesthetic. I'll admit the appeal of the feminine has a social role in my life in that it brings out the best in me: kindness, caring. I was born that way and resent any attempt to change me as much as I would someone trying to make me heterosexual.
I'm still very confused about gay women and gender play. From books I've seen I get the impression that gay women are more open to it. From the lesbians I've known I get the impression it is deeply resented.
With gay men I know that most will view it as sick or at least disappointing.
I have no idea if any of what I just said makes any sense at all.