It isn't easy being ambiguously, differently, dangerously gendered

An Live Journal exchange with an ambiguously, differently, dangerously gendered friend.

From the other side (in a sense).

The first day I met Charles we went to look at a software package that he was interested in. When he found it he thrust his credit card at me and said to go wait in line and pay for it. I was very turned on. I’m very drawn to innocence and vulnerability but I’ve always liked a streak of bossiness.

It is hard to say whether I’m socially passive or just very anti-social. But sexually I like to take the lead. Not that I want someone as passive as a plastic doll. My pleasure is in setting the pace and doing most of the doing. I didn’t realize this until I slept with someone with the same bias and wasn’t sure how to react.

my life..someone who is dominating me in the bedroom, someone who wants me to be submissive

My impression is that this is fairly true of most gay men (not that I’m trying to type you, simply my area of experience). I’ve always wondered why. Again without typing you, it seemed especially true of the crossdresser that I met online, usually extending into masochism. I don’t disapprove of any sort of sex play. But having seen my father knock my mother’s teeth out when I was a little kid makes me squirm at the idea that femininity implies being a punching bag.

not use me to quench some kinky fetish he might possess about "girls" like myself

Possibly the biggest problem facing “girls like yourself.” Most people are still trapped by conventional perceptions of gender. Which seems to leave ambiguously self-defined people as illicit, cheap thrills.

I have never kissed (passionately) any of my lovers

Ouch. A deep, loving kiss is as good as any other part of sex.

nor has any of my lovers fully seen me naked (except one)

I wish my friend cd332 hadn’t removed his “Man of Two Worlds” page from his website. I don’t really have a right to an opinion but I’ve always felt that to the degree it is possible people should be able to share and enjoy their genetic, psychological and social gender.