Masculinity / Femininity
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Many years ago there was this very masculine guy, a weightlifter. We each wanted to have sex with the other. But external events prevented that. Something I’ve long regretted.
Finding myself at loose ends I ask myself why don’t I seriously consider some butch guy. I can appreciate the aesthetic. Really, if I want to I can enjoy masculinity.
I guess I just don’t really want to.
Femininity and femaleness - they aren’t identical qualities or always found in the same person at the same time - make me smile. Smile with gratitude in being alive. Feeling that breathing is worth the effort.
I don’t think the possessors of either or both qualities are less rational or weaker. Nor are they more noble or kinder.
Knowing that girl, woman, nelly gay guy, transvestite, hermaphrodite exist gives me delight. My nervous system shimmers, shivers and sparkles.
I know that were I to will myself to overcome this I’d have more options. But I seem unable to. My intelligence tells me to but everything else says no.