Nobody loves you when you are old & gay (and feminine)

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Another weblog entry extracted from a Live Journal comment.

... the future of an ambiguous/androgynous little nancy boy

I'd like to hope that we can move to a future where the experiences of androgynous gay guys won't be relevant. Too early to guess.

I don't want to drift, but crass careerism bores me. I need more poetry to my life.

One day I'll write about what a lousy employee I could be. We're lucky in being able to want more than survival, unlike our distant ancestors. Doing what is necessary and managing to find satisfaction I think is a uniquely 20th century problem. Even the poorest of us, in Europe and America, are more comfortable than we would've been long ago. We can imagine satisfactions and pleasures that the poor peasant farmer we might've been a couple of hundred years ago couldn't conceive.

Seaching for love seems horribly romantic

No kidding. But as you say you have a backup plan.

Everyone I've every had a long term relationship with just sorta landed on me anyhow

Funny how they just pop up despite all your careful planning.

There are the historic fears: gay men of getting older, women of getting older. Possibly feminine gay men feel them more strongly. When I was twenty I thought that by thirty it'd be time to call the gravedigger. Luckily that was a silly illusion.

Ties in nicely with today's: Childhood, overrated

[Listening to: There Can Be Only One - CJ Bolland - (5:43)]


As I get older I fear that I must appear ridiculous to the younger boys. At 48 I just recently started to accept my true identity. I want to wear makeup & nail polish & high heels. I like to carry a purse & to shop at Lane bryant. Its the only way that I’ve ever felt comfortale. I’m not masculine, so why try to live this facade? But, after so many years its all a jumbled chaotic persona. It confuses old friends & scares twenty somethings. I admire your point of view & courage. Peace, Koko


I’m not the one in high heels; you are the one with courage.

Your persona may seemed “jumbled chaotic” because you are trying to match others images or your own ideal. Maybe you are just your own special blend.

Best of luck in being who you are.

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