Those lovely ladyboys (and my neo-puritanism)

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Possibly my greatest sexual weakness is the capacity for guilt.

Deeply drawn to ambiguities of gender I thought I'd go to Google to see if there were any new stories about ladyboys. Nope, I've caught them all, even the silly ones. I switch to image search, maybe there's a charming image of a Thai boygirl that I can use to show the beauty of people between genders.

Mostly it is guys with women's breast. Nothing wrong with that. I like that. I'm even aroused by the photos (though the image I like best features a young man who is a lady only by virtue of his haircut).

I feel very uncomfortable looking at the photos. Silly me. I know that in a foolish abstract way that I enjoy the idea or ideal of a hermaphrodite. But I can't allow myself to merely enjoy the photo of a 'chick with a dick.'

Some childish part of myself cannot let myself simply objectify crossdressing or transsexual persons. I will not look on them as sex objects. Whenever I try I blink and close my browser.

I'm in a trap of erotic sensibility: I have to invest in them a transcendence they've never earned, a purity that is all but insane.

So baffling to let my idealism collide with my sexuality this way. I know better without wanting to be any wiser.


Something I wrote in reply to a Live Journal comment may clarify my response:

I donít mind sexually explicit images at all.

If I could get it for free Iíd look at something like a couple of Bel Ami videos to see what my reaction would be. I never thought about watching porn at all until a couple of years ago. Mostly Iíd like to know if thereís something that Iíd enjoy. But I canít imagine paying money for it and renting is impossible.

My sexual feelings for transgendered people are strongly idealized. So many of them have suffered much at the hands of Ďstraightí men that I never want to be a user even passively. Really Iím being a bit silly.

you can get free tranny porn clips off the net.

ya know, not all of us are victims. yes, objectification and violence are things we have to face. gwen araujo is dead, after all. but not all of us buy into the idea that we are somehow un-natural, and that any attraction to us is therefore un-natural by definition.

natal women are abused and killed all the time, but their victimhood is not ascribed to a special class of objectification which requires a special kind of guilt.

ladyboys are pretty. they’re supposed to be sexually attractive… that’s what you’re meant to see.

I hope u can help me, I am trying to find a dateing service or a common meeting/chat place were I might meet some Hermaphrodites. Can you help?. this is not a game, I have had intrest for many years and now find muself wanting to find out more, Thanks John

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Ambiguously Gendered
Those lovely ladyboys (and my neo-puritanism)
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