Transgendered & dominance

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Roman slave girl pulp cover

I'm going to force this to be a short note. It could be elaborated into a book or two.

Tell me, my transgendered friends, why do you love those bad boys so much? Ignoring the subtleties of gender color often unseen by the complacent majority - hetero and gay alike - I see a desire, perhaps craving for masculine recklessness, toughness, selfishness in the ambiguously gendered people I've known and read online.

I'm a victim of my own special form of Puritanism. I like to think of the differently, obscurely gendered as transcending gender. And my own hypocrisy: while I don't tend to consciously think of myself as masculine I've never not enjoyed my perceived butchess when admiration was offered.

Nonetheless I feel that I have seen assertive often-cruel maleness as the most craved object of imagination's desire. And (restricting myself to one role for now) it isn't as if the sight of someone slim and blonde in a collar hasn't aroused me.

So I invite my differently gendered friends to tell me that: I'm wrong, why I'm right, why I'm right but wrong. This isn't intended as condemnation, just a wander along the bypaths of gender qualities and power relationships.

Feel free to tell me I'm a sexist fool

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In my personal weblog: Cottaging: public restroom sex in the UK. Transgendered & dominance: Transvestites and submissiveness. Two men kissing: Suprisingly early photo of the same. Pansexuality meets transvestite, transsexual: My personal mix of emp... [Read More]


it’s not easy for most people to float freely in genderspace. i think a lot of transgendered people (as which i qualify) want their certainties re-established after having had them blown apart by whatever revelation led them into transition. they want hypergender, a myth that will guide and anchor them. also, for a large subset of transfolks (namely crossdressers), being that “other self” is a release or escape from what they experience as the constraints on their behavior, pressing them into a masculine role which requires that they remain butchly dominant at all times, at the risk of being thoroughly trounced as a fag. so they over-correct, and seek deep and explicit social (and sexual) submissiveness.

my observation is that this is less prevalent among actual transsexuals.

That was a careless entry on my part. In my very limited experience the transsexuals I’m aware of tend to be fairly feminist. Although I’ve seen sites by a few very determined to be a somewhat old fashioned housewife. Age and social background play some part (not that I claim any expertise).

With crossdressers I’ve often wondered if the submissiveness isn’t really rooted in a male view of femininity.

If I’d grown up transgendered I can easily believe my parents relationship (which was not pretty) I can easily see myself as seeing the feminine side as serving, submitting to greedy, ruthless masculinity.

One of my private clichés is that in being masculine/protective I’m trying to be the woman my mother was.

I don’t think feminism and submissiveness go hand in hand, even in the transgendered community. Transsexuals come in a variety of personalities—all female. Some can be quite dominant, tomboyish, or even soft and feminine.

I used to know some folks in the straight BDSM community. I knew women who enjoyed being sexually submissive but weren’t submissive at all when they weren’t roleplaying sexually.

Then again there were femsubs who wanted every aspect of their lives controlled by a Master. Even what we think of as submissiveness encompasses a variety of forms and expressions.

Dearest Sir, i hope You don’t mind if i add my little three cents’ worth here. i am not a trans-sexual or even “transgendered”. i was born XY, and just happen to have lots more oestrogen and progesterone than is normal in XY males. ( So i don’t grow body hair, or develop muscle mass easily, amongst other things). And i guess that is what makes me an andro… and so i don’t ID as either male or female. That being said, i understand the attraction for “bad boys” and “uber-males”. But i also understand that it is just a fantasy. For instance, i have always had this fantasy of being abducted, tortured and raped. But i know it is just a fantasy. Were it to happen in real life, i would be terrified and wouldn’t find it at all erotic (well…… i always like the torture bit… hee hee) And in real life relationships, i really prefer men who are not only sadists, but also affectionate and gentle ones, and who treat me with love and cherish me. i guess that for me, the submissive part does come from my feminine side. But i also have a friend at Asc (Austin sub-culture a BDSM group for submissives)who is a submissive male to a Dominant Female, and who is extremely masculine. i cant imagine how he ID’s inside, but i would imagine it is something of a “Hercules-in-chains” kind of mind-set. But i do love masculine men. The feel of strong, hairy arms around me seems to accentuate my feelings of submissiveness, and makes me feel more feminine, younger and more boyish than perhaps i really am. And oh, that feeling when i reach up to a taller man, (and that’s most of the time for me… i’m 5’ 5” and 138# )and put my arms around his neck while he holds me close….. that just makes me melt!




If I were your Dominant the first thing I’d order you to do is not apologize so much.

What prompted the entry was several transgendered weblogs that mentioned ‘bad boys’ within a couple of days of each other.

For some of us there is a happy complimentarity in being protecting/directing or protected/guided. Nothing wrong with it if the people involved don’t confuse fantasy with reality.

I could happily submit to an interesting dominant woman. It won’t happen. In my case I think there’s an interest in power exchange that doesn’t have anything to do with genderedness.

Some of the Femdom/malesub stuff baffles me. While I might enoy being with a dominant woman I’d laugh if she wanted me to put on a dress. And it has always struck me how much Femdom has to do with orgasm control which isn’t at all the same in gay S&M.

We both enjoy our opposites. Can make for a more enjoyable world.

Your feelings?

Please share your feelings about Transgendered & dominance.

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