Transsexuals, lust & erotic idealism
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Why women don't like nice guys is a perennially favorite article for relationship advice writers. Is there a gay male equivalent? Never met one myself but having met young gay men who were saving their virginity for Mr. Right I'm sure they are alive. This entry (which began as a reply to a comment) may make me sound like one of those stupid but nice guys.
I wouldn't have any problem finding transsexual pornography. What little porn I've seen has never done much for me. I'm more likely to get excited by a catalog of young guys in sweaters or an average looking but feminine guy walking down the street.
There's so much I could say about my response it'll be tough to keep it condensed. Long, long ago I realized I wish I could make love to a classical hermaphrodite. They don't really exist. While I knew a couple of transsexuals I never connected that fantasy with them (this was long before I discovered I attracted to anything other than other guys).
My response to finding myself looking at naked ladyboys as I said was partly a reaction to knowing how many transgendered persons have been abused. I've always felt that I should treat them with more respect that I might grant them if they were simply male or female. You point out that genetic women have been abused. I think all decent folks do their honorable best to treat damaged and disabled people with whatever level of reticence and compassion that is appropriate.
(In mentioning disabled people it occurs to me that I usually don't offer them extra help unless I feel that it is desired. A train of thought that implies that I'm treated transgendered folks as too weak to manage responses to themselves on their own. )
Part of my overly complicated response is knowing that many (most?) preoperative transsexuals view themselves as being in a transitional state. They don't want to be a chick-with-a-dick; they want to be a woman. Regarded as much a female as those born that way. My impression is that there are some (younger?) transgendered folks who enjoy living as a biological third sex, as hermaphrodites. Pretty rare I think. So I've always tried to regard transsexuals as women. Again, meant as respect.
My erotic response to gender ambiguity and androgyny is strongly coupled with the most romantic side of my sexuality. This is foolish and unrealistic. I know that. Though I'm comfortable with being a romantic fool. Not that I recommend it. Linking romanticism with sex probably causes too many the silly sexual complications.
I think lust and objectification are among the best things in life. And it'd be a saner and happier human race if more people would accept that. And if everything in my life had aligned just right I'd have happily slept with a surgically and chemically created hermaphrodite.
Somehow I made myself sound far guiltier than I've ever been about anything sexual. I'd thought I'd shown ironic detachment from my silly response. Now if I felt something that could properly be called neo-puritianism I'd feel damned ashamed.