Why do you like girlish guys?

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A question asked by someone with whom I've been corresponding.

Assuming that "plumbing" isn't the main attraction, why is girlish guy more appealing to you than a very attractive woman with a feminine or androgynous ambience?



Kind of a heterosexist question: why wouldn't you prefer someone with a cunt? Not that it peeves me. Many decent straight men are probably baffled that their favorite plaything doesn't imprison all men's imaginations. Some of us make sport of our genetic heritage. Well, there are hundreds of millions of us, enough to fill a continent. (If Atlantis were to rise from the ocean we could move there and name it Queeriana or Gaysia.)

Pretty Giton

My instant responses collide with each other in my brain: because of my childhood, because of what it was like when I came out, because I choose it to be so, because I always smile when I see a nelly guy? "

It is some of all of that. Possibly because I've written thousands of words about my feelings about androgynous gay men I'm lost in my own speculations.

When I wrote what I felt was my definitive statement of my pleasure in nelly gay guys I thought I'd shut up. But this is a convenient excuse to try to condense some of my assorted spins on my sexuality.


My unlamented departed Daddy was butch in mind and body. He really could bend bolts, pick up the back of a 1960s car. Daddy was a bastard. I grew up without an appreciation of that emphatic masculinity. But I did grow up queer or something near to that. (In recent years I've come to appreciate conventional masculine sex appeal more. There are plenty of gay men panting over [famous actor] or [famous athlete]. But I'd rather stay in my erotic niche.)

In those years not long after Stonewall it was mostly the nelly guys who came on to me, put my virginity in its grave. My sense of debt to them is infused with joy however daft and maddening they may have been. When I think of them eros fuses with giddiness. Back on my first page about "soft boys" I said they put a spring in my walk.


Show me two guys, one exceptionally pretty, the other average but androgynous and it is the second that I'll watch. Surface gloss and symmetry are wonderful but a guy invested with genderqueer glamour is [concatenation of superlatives deleted in the interests of taste].

Loving genderqueer guys hasn't proven the sanest course. Everybody knows what childhood and youth are like for a male the ordinary people call a sissy. Growing up often despised by your own parents, picked on by other boys makes for an insecure guy, often desperate for approval. Some come to live for the least essential things, escaping by focusing on tinsel. And responding to things with indifference or a sneer, trying to insure that nothing will wound them. The males who don dresses often cultivate a veneer of harshness and toughness.

Their distrust of the world the live in leaves them foolish and flighty. Genuinely bright guys seem daft. They aren't the safest men to love.

I find queerness in itself attracts me. As I wrote not along ago even in gay women. For me a visibly gay guy (even if I'm not one) is enveloped in a sort of luminosity. It used to make my skin crawl to hear a gay man say only straight men were worthy of lust. But I think (hope) that species has diminished over the years.

That I single out gay people over bisexual may seem unkind. It is unfair. Blame it on the nasty-minded 'bi' men who lurk in the unclean side streets of the web. (And I've written my own defense of bisexuals.)


When I dug into my memories I found I'd had sex with a couple of guys back when I was in elementary school and lusted after both sexes in junior high school. Though they'd be forgotten the feelings of desire for women were real. One girl's outline remains burned in my neurons as an archetype of beauty.


What about the "plumbing," e.g., the genitalia. I've enjoyed having cocks in my mouth and up my backside, perhaps not as being on the other end but the pleasure has always been real enough. Why do without them? . Guys have two orifices, who needs three? Yep, that is crude and flippant, if you aren't smart enough to accept it as a joke you'll have to forgive it. (Actually I was trying to paraphrase one of Martial epigrams.) I do enjoy the presence of a penis even if its owner has no interest in using it. Or under a dress.


And there are the erotics of geometry. Ordinarily women are curves and guys are angles. I may be queer but I like those straight lines. And I prefer the hips no wider than the shoulders. At least I felt that way when I was younger. While I do like linearity I can appreciate soft, female arcs as well as anyone.

But, yes, an androgynous woman is compelling. In just writing that sentence I instantly see a slim female, white shirt, jeans, ankle high boots maybe. Thought I don't write about it much I find women sexy.


I admire the female breast. If God's Sex Shoppe opens up I'll be putting my request in for a classical hermaphrodite.

But this is all about who is first in erotic daydreams. Just talk.

In real life (silly phrase) I'd be happy to be with whomever, whatever. Gay guy, whether he prefers pants or skirts. Woman born or a woman who realized her true self via surgery. Someone in-between or unanticipated. Maybe, if I met him, a hairy garage mechanic who somehow proved to be the right guy for me.

Feline- ndrogne

I couldn't call myself pansexual otherwise. Pity pomosexual and pomosexuality offend my ear. (The mere arrival of post-pomo as a neologism is testimony enough that it is time to rid ourselves of terms rooted in transitory chronology.) "Pomosexuals' supposedly are people who've discovered the elasticity of gender. Pomosexuality treats gender norms as painters do colors in their palette to be mixed and used to imbue each unique person with his or her distinctive sexual persona. These are the people I love.

Anyway I do think of femme or genderqueer guys first for some reason or another: childhood aversion therapy, sex partners of young manhood, willful choice.


* Androgynosexual, Androgynophillia

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Listed below are links to weblogs that reference Why do you like girlish guys?:

» Why sissies are better than you from Amorous Propensities : sex is funny, sex is sad
Having been asked about it I’ve written yet another summary of why girlish gay guys make me run in a circle and bite myself in the back of my neck. Why do you like girlish guys?... [Read More]


Hi Richard,

I realize the inherent potential that my linking your blog to mine may be somewhat of a risk in that you may receive distasteful remarks from the heterosexual audience. Hopefully, never.

I have 3 gay blogs on my blog roll. You, Wet Dreaming and My Blog of Bitchiness. No one has ever said a word to me or questioned it, not that I would take kindly to it.

You must let me know if anyone on my blog list puts anything distasteful here. I will delete them immediately.

I like girlish boys for the obvious like I like boyish girls… I find it incredibly sexy when a person runs the gamut of gender-roles in every aspect of their being and personality. I think at core everyone is a little one way or another, and people like that are not afraid to flaunt it! Everyone loves sexuality “flaunted”… heheh.

Fascinating reading as always. “Death in Venice” just came out on DVD, hurrah! One of the great androgynous beauties now immortalized in lovely digital bits & bytes.

I lived with a woman for five years. But she was the only one. So I tend to not say much about women. Not because they aren’t lovely in my imagination but most of what I write about is rooted in my experience.

Sexually (not socially) I like flashy outrageous people but there’s nothing more striking than someone quiet that looks innocent.

I’m androgynous at the core for sure. Not that any of it has crept to the surface.

I’ve always like girlish guys. I also like regular joe’s not superstars or studs just regular Joe’s. Thin smooth and a little girlish. My photography site (midnightsunstudios.com) is full of them. I don’t know why I like them I just do.

A straight friend asked me. If you don’t like girls why do you like men the look and act like girls? A fair question to be sure but still if they don’t have a dick I’m not interested.

I did ask him, If you like Women then you must like men that act like Women?

He couldn’t answer that either.

We like what we like!

I myself am both Butch and Fem. I can change the engine in your car or help you pick drapes to match the sofa, I’m at home in both worlds. And I’m happy with it.

I just stumbled onto you blog. I like it! Great work. Keep it up.

Some men like women but also like the idea that they can fuck an effeminate male without fear of pregnancy as well as diss the fem, and the fem will often “know its place” and not back-talk like a woman would.

Your feelings?

Please share your feelings about Why do you like girlish guys?.

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