Adventures in Hallucination
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That I’d regret not writing them up was something I knew I’d regret as the hallucinations faded.
I think of my unconscious adventures as hallucinations rather than dreams because of their extraordinary clarity and precision. I’ve never had more convincing, touchable, bright and believable dreams. All the details were in place and fixed. The narrative didn’t jerk forward too fast. Conversations seemed to take place in real time.
Back in normal space-time a feeding tube was keeping me alive. (Quite in violation of my normal desire in such matters.) I don’t really know but I think much, most, maybe all of what I was force-fed was derived from apple products. Outré awful tasting mess. No more - ever again please.
My extended nightmare - and I think this went on and off for days - was that I was in the hands of a cult. The initial plot was to be me within the power of a somewhat retarded girl whose father believed she was possessed by an ancient alien entity. Why she might want me wasn’t clear. I figured she must be badly misinformed.
The context widened and the nurses became part of the cult. All of them were aiming to become possessed by alien creatures. Some of the nurses were sadists but in a friendly wholesome fashion. Those parts of the dream I enjoyed. Though the sadistic acts were pretty mild and mostly took the form of measuring some aspect of my biochemistry.
A couple times something I’d already dreamt started to repeat. I remember feeling annoyed and offended by the repetition.
During one sequence I decided everything I was hearing was false. Indeed I discerned that I was dreaming. In a way that is the kind of moment I live for. Not that I can really live up to be such a pure-at-heart focused on the truth kind of guy I do like to think of myself that way in my less shameless moments.
Other people were out to get me as well. None planned to do me ill. They each thought I’d be valuable to them. To be mundane about it for a moment I suspect this was a reflection of my being - in fleshly life - overestimated in various ways.
There were various odd side elements involving the moon, atomic weapons, interstellar pirates and the imaginary cast that often peopled the dreams.
In my dreams I still lived in San Francisco and became very confused about where I lived when awake. So confused that I was out of the hospital for over a week before my house felt like it was in the proper location.
They had me tied down at times. While I was asleep this must have been why my shirts sometimes became too tight and I could manage to take them off. I hope yanking off the foley catheter several times has no long term affect effects.
After a few weeks the nuttiness faded and I was able to convince them to let me out. They would’ve like to have kept me longer. Maybe I should have let them. But I wanted to be out of that room. And I had some practical monetary concerns that simply had to be dealt with since nobody’s going to give me a bunch of money.
My hospitalization sparks an array of complicated emotions. But the realism of the fantastic dreams was mostly fun even if I was upset while I was having them.