Mourning the loss of a friend
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Mourning is tedious, draining. Thankfully I’m mostly past the deep stage.
The word heartache has acquired concreteness and vividness. Sometimes I feel a dead spot in my chest. It seems to seep out, slowly passing along my nervous system until my entire body feels leaden. When this happens at work I wish I could lie down on the floor.
I sometimes miss him the most when there is some minor bit of gossip I could share only with him.
Charles could be awful but he was one of the few people who genuinely mattered to me. Irreplaceable.