A bottom's weak spot

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Back if only momentarily to lighter matters.

I have a theory, well, call it a half-baked notion, that there's a part of the body that when caressed will make a gay male with a strong bias to being a bottom* shudder.

Just between the base of the spine and the anus. This might be the charmingly named Sacral Hiatus. Fifteen minutes looking at anatomy charts only proved that surgery lost nothing when I didn't enter the profession.

Memory says pressure there never failed to bring a strong response. Sadly I'm no longer in a position to conduct field studies. Maybe you are and will let me know.

* Avoiding the term “true bottom.” It offends many people. Possibly none of them bottoms.

Comments

I think the sensation you are refering to, I have had many times, where my whole body would shudder, starting with my thighs and it always felt as I had came and dick goes down on that same account, I like to call it a bootygasm, I have tried to talk to my friends if they had ever had one, they act like they don’t know what I am talking about, I have even gone as far as writing in to Dr. Strange Love to see if had any info on the subject, but everytime I try to get some info on the subject other gay guys get quite or don’t post or return my emails. Its a revelation that I have read that you know something about it, thank you, I have one question have you ever had a multiple one?

Er, I’m not a bottom, myself. I was writing from the top’s perspective.

But these posts eventually catch the eys of guys like yourself so hopefully one or two of them will have something to say.

I’ve got this odd idea the only thing I might get is sciatica if stimulated there! Though I do remember some rather involuntary strange reactions after having some rubbing in that area once.

Could you be thinking of the perineum? It’s an accupressure point between the anus and scrotum (near the base of the scrotum) that is highly stimulating for men in general. I’ve got myself an Aneros massager that just drives me wild massaging the perineum and prostate - it almost beats a top!

Nah, I don’t think anybody doesn’t get a tickle from having their perineum stroked. At least one commentator recognized the feeling so maybe it isn’t just in my mind.

I have a bottom guy I had a few dates. It didn’t work out but we remain good friends. Every time I would pat his butt even the slightest, it was as though I hit this button. He would literally shiver all over, go weak in the knees and jump a few feet. It was great! I’m glad there’s a word for it: bootygasm.

That may explain why slapping a bottom during sex is such a turn on for him. One bootygasm after another.

Great site by the way! I stumbled upon it in my quest for intellectual discussion about sex. I’m a Top like yourself and am I going through an intense period of reflection about what being a Top means and it’s great seeing it reflected in your words through this site.

I think what prompted me to write about it, which I’ve done to excess the last several months was mostly that when I came out the terms Top and Bottom didn’t exist. At least I never heard them. Some folks identified as “Butch” and “Fem” but that rarely works nowadays.

I don’t think that top necessarily implies more than your preference in sexual position.

But some people like myself do find our orientation coupled with certain preferences, e.g., shorter guys. And in me it is linked with a desire to be the protector, giver. And I sometimes like to be the one directing things, especially when making love but that doesn’t necessarily include or preclude dominance.

Thanks for dropping by. Some of the comments I get are either tediously weird or painfully witless.

(Originally a response to an email from Richard. At his request I have posted this to the open channel)

I beg to disagree with your assertion that calling oneself a Top implies little more than one’s sexual position. I’ve been dating exclusively as a Top for the last six years and had an epiphany a few days ago.

Many bottoms want a MAN. Not a wishy-washy directionless guy but M.A.N. A husband.

Someone who is a good provider, which provides them with a safe environment they can live happily ever after, cater to their man’s every need and explore boundaries from a safe place. Many bottoms want to be wives, although I think many shudder to express that in this PC day-and-age because it seems to have implications on the hetero side (e.g. the role of women). (Added) The role of women is not fixed nor should it ever be — women should be allowed to play whatever role they want. Men should too.

It’s a lot more heterosexual than I expected but the need to protect / be protected, nurture etc is stronger than our sexual preference. I think a lot of the destructiveness in the gay community comes from wanting to rinse ourselves from the shackles of what we see as ‘breederville’ without realizing the strength that two people as a unit can provide. We only see the weakness in the crazy households many of us (most?) come from.

I am going to be contraversial and say I think versatile guys are looking for something very different. Mutual dependancy — a merger of equals. I landed firmly in Top-dom because I realized I like clearly defined roles and versatility is too ‘vague’ for me. I’ve also found versatile guys erratic and unpredictable. I didn’t get the sense they knew what they wanted.

I am going through these thoughts because, like you, I am starting to get emotionally intertwined with a younger, smaller guy I met online. I previously rejected guys like him. I did not want to be anyone’s guardian. But perhaps that’s because no one has ever brought out my protector role before and I am amazed at the clarity it is giving me. I’m also older, wiser and make enough to be able to care for someone else and can see the benefit of a partner on a day-to-day basis. Who knows if this will work out. But at least I now know WHAT I WANT. And that’s all a bottom really wants from a Top. Direction and clarity. Those qualities do not need to move into DOMINATION.

Thoughts?

I don’t think we really disagree. Let me try it this way.

There’s more than one kind of top. While we share many feelings about being a top in a comprehensive sense that is me now. At 19 when I saw an attractive round, rectangular, triangular butt all I really wanted was to have the guy on his belly. Not that I didn’t like foreplay but I normally wasn’t expecting to see him again, much less become his protector. Good thing, at 19, I often needed protecting.

Now the bottom boys of my youth wanted a “man” or “butch” guy but like me they were avid for the next in the series. Not that we weren’t all hoping to find the right guy to settle down with. But a promiscuous top is no less a top than someone who is striving to settle down. In that sense a top is simply a position. To demand that it mean anything else is to take a commonly used word and try to personify it in your terms.

As someone who is versatile in their fantasies if not in bed with another guy I think you are being unfair to the huge number of gay men who enjoy both positions. It is much like the people who demand that bisexuals ‘choose’ one or another when they are having a good time with both. In this I’m responding to the phrase “mutual dependency.” That may or may not be true. Like nonsexist heterosexual couples they may be looking for a relationship that offers mutual independence. When you say a “merger of equals” I agree. But I do think they know exactly what they want. Though it may not be have what we want to give, have to give.

For me there’s plenty of vestigial heterosexuality in my sexual role. But now where we get to the space where it isn’t just sexual in the simple sense. I like being taller. I’m happy to be the one who carries the heavy packages. The one who takes out the trash.

I like being the protector, even the provider (though whatever money he can bring in is all to the good). I want to be the supportive shoulder.

I’m very much in a relationship where I’m looked to for “Direction and clarity.” And am very happy with that. Though I’ve provided more of the latter than the former. Which may have been a mistake. But sometimes you have to let him hit his head often enough to know that he shouldn’t do does foolish things.

Great perspective and yes I think we are on the same page. When I was younger, I tried a lot of different things to see how if would feel. Sometimes I wanted to hook up. Sometimes I wanted to date. I was far more versatile then because it was all new to me. I think age plays a huge function in where I’ve landed.

I think what has changed is I’ve been in the market to settle down for a while so I guess I’m more cautious. I’m also done with sleeping around and want to be more than just a random dick. Hence the epiphany - influenced by comments made by others live and online. It also goes hand in hand with other things I see going on.

Regarding versatile guys, yes I do agree I am being unfair. I have gotten a lot of crap from versatile guys on the evils of being one or the other and I think the tone of my comment is in reaction to their bitching.

For me I’ve always been nervous that a versatile guy will cheat in the relationship because I worried his need to fuck would be stronger than my wilingness to get fucked. At least with a total bottom, I can relax because he is the ying to the my wang. I also do like to be more of a ‘husband’ but that’s a more recent desire.

I believe in bisexuality and versatility strongly. But it’s not me.

The first time a guy wanted to top me I was mildly surprised. It wasn’t painful, never had a problem relaxing my sphincter muscle but I didn’t get anything out of it. With one exception I never have. I wrote an entry about ten days ago wondering how much it was my bias toward being on the top or if I only met lousy tops.

I’ve almost always drawn bottoms, sometimes making me think they are the vast majority of gay men. But I think my height, manner and the time at which I came out simply made me more appealing to “fem” guys. Though when I was meeting guys online a few years ago nine out of ten of them were looking for tops.

Age has affected my own perspective as well. As a young guy I took it all for granted. Older I became more consciously aware of the kind of guy I like. And that I enjoy being the husband as it were. And that I probably can’t be happy in another role. Right before I met Charles I met this really nice guy. He was taller (I’m 6’3”), older and dominant. I liked him so much I thought about trying to see if it could work. Then I met Charles, my brain short-circuited. Spoiled, bitchy, frail but also very sweet and wholly monogamous. The other guy passed right out of my mind.

My best gay friend is a top. He won’t have anything to do with versatile men. He knows that if they were to ask for some things he couldn’t possibly accommodate them so he doesn’t risk unpleasantness.

Interesting comment regarding your first time topped. My first time was very drunken and neither of us remembered very much about it. Yes sad but I think I would never have ventured there without copious amounts of booze.

That same guy a few years later made me realize that being a bottom was not for me. He fucked me raw, which I found interesting but not really that exciting. I had been fucked a few times since our first meeting — mostly just okay. But when he came inside of me, I knew RIGHT then and there being a bottom was not for me.

I’ve always maintained that much of the top/bottom thing is mental. So many bottoms I talk to really get off on a guy being inside them, making them feel full and warm from the inside and really get off on having their guy’s cum deep inside.

That day, it did NOTHING for me and as a matter of fact, really put me off. And I liked him a lot. So instead of being this magical moment, I was standoffish and irritable. We never fucked again and it was one of the last times I have been fucked.

I get off on asses like nobody’s business. I’m now to the point where a guy’s dick isn’t really a big deal, no matter how big. His hole is all I care about.

On a separate topic: has anyone else met bottom guys who actually produce their own lube when excited? I’ve met two thusfar and wanted to know if others have. I can’t find anything on the net about it.

Can’t remember if I already mentioned this to you but many years ago I met a boy who said he had no use for his cock. He didn’t mind it, just didn’t care about it. For him is butt was his true, only sex organ.

I like guys’ cocks but like them very slim or even small. I like seeing their guyness.

Yeah, there’s nothing more enjoyable in life than a guy’s bottom.

I think some bottom guys must have very sensitive prostate glands. But the very real pleasure comes from something in their mind. Since I can’t share it I’ve never been able to understand it.

No, I’ve never even heard of a bottom with built-in lube before. Sounds like you’ve been very lucky.

An interesting discussion. I am a total bottom and have found penetration and someone coming inside me my great turn on, ever since puberty. I’ve never had the desire to penetrate but enjoy my cock and enjoy someone else enjoying it too. Incidentally, and I believe it really is incidental, I’m also a transvestite.

In answer to self-lubing bumholes, I can say that I love being a bottom. I am not effeminate, don’t want to be a woman, don’t want to be ‘passive’, am very directive, very masculine, big dick, but I love having a man inside me. And yes I do produce what I believe to be copious amounts of natural lube when turned on. I have never used any artificial lubrication and never had a problem with taking big dicks. I doubt it would cope with toys though !

My boy fried for whom I act like a slave can really satisfy me even for one hour, i can produce my own lubrican inside my ass. As and when he penitrates I think he knows the technique and I i really feel that i am not in this world. I am a true bottom and i do not mind having even very large cocks inside me.

Very interesting…my first experience was in the 70’s and after a night of heavy partying wound up in bed with a guy i had worked with…i only thought we would give each other head because the thought of intercourse had never crossed my mind (I’m bi and always thought this far i will not go)after a brief 69 he began to rub my back and said to me “boy i would like to fuck you” i had never really thought about it and said to him “then why don’t you?” he was thrilled and after a few tries i relaxed enough to let him in..my mind was racing (drugs) and was telling me “do you realize what you are doing?” at that moment he reached over and handed me my glasses and told me to look behind me. the bedroom walls were completely mirrored and i saw myself from behind with just his balls and part of his penis sticking out of my ass….it was like watching a porn and feeling it at the same time. he gave me one of the best times i ever had but because of the drugs he could not cum. he tried three times and passed out..i left sore and feeling that something was missing. i had no male lovers for about 2 1/2 years after that but by that time knew that i could really enjoy being the bottom. one night i was walking around and an older latin man approached me and started talking.he grabbed my crotch and told me he wanted to go home with me…i told him no but the next time i ran into him his attitude was much different and after seeing that he was ok i invited him to my place. when we got into the apartment i fell to my knees and pulled his cock to my mouth..to my great surprise he told me no! he explained that he only liked the ass…i had gone to school with a couple of latin guys that felt that anything other than fucking just didn’t make it so i had heard this before but was still taken back. we got naked and i gave him what he wanted. a few minutes later i heard him moan and felt him cum inside of me…it was at that moment that i knew what i was missing the time before. when he came i knew i had satisfied my man and that was very important to me. i enjoyed feeling him in me,on top of me and enjoying me but for the few years we fooled around the moments he came in me made my night and a bottom forever.

Hmmm: I have to say, all this chit chat reminds me of a phase… When I first broke up with my 1st bf I realised i had begun the relationship on a 50/50 basis and had ended up being 80% the bottom and 20% the top. We fucked like bunnies and tried everything vanilla two guys can try. That said, I can only come masturbating, not fucking someone else. I don’t even like guys to touch my dick. Only I know how to touch it. Recently, the penultimate guy I was with was, supposedly, a top, but he was not gentle and kept touching my dick - which left me confused, since i thought he wanted my ass - and even had the nerve to fuck me with the light on AND his eyes closed!! (He insisted on the former… heaven knows why!) Point is, the guy i slept right after i broke up with my first bf was a dom top. He looked like a younger version of a nice athletic twink, but ended up being the devil. I was so spent by his 16 hour banging of my ass i think something happened then: it was not so much sexual - i only came once, i think - but he was so powerfuckingly dom he pretty much made me what i already felt i was becoming: a bottom. (Aren’t these stories of self-discovery the cheesiest Bildungsroman you could ever read??) Anyway, years after that one night stand marathon - which gave me gono and made me hate him forever - i wonder what sort of impact it had on me. I only topped once ever since, and it did not work at all. I was just SOOO not into it. That said, reading that theory about how a top is the MAN and the bottom is the wife makes me think seriously about what we are saying here. Now, I don’t wanna get all Judith Butler, but isn’t it scary how we end up repeating all these heteronormative structures? I mean, i speak for myself: i get a hard on and a pang in my heart (yes, BOTH!) when i read a TOP saying how he wants to nurture and take care of a bottom and fuck him senseless. I mean, i’m skinny and pale and love to be fucked. Sometimes i think i’m a bottom stereotype waiting to happen! (And I’ve happened, believe me!) Thing is, I have never found a total top i could trust/love/care for enough to have a relationship with. And since my last one night stands were either abysmal or left me totally cold, I’m going celibate. Been celibate for one year, actually, and let me tell you: forget about diamonds! A girl’s best friend is her dildo! :-S Thing is, I have no type in real life, but i constantly idealise about bears and musclebears and such. A hairy, somewhat big or at least athletic guy with a goattee and a furry chest (or furry EVERYTHING!) with big nipples (sigh!) gets my attention right away. (Not to say he’ll keep it, he’ll need a brain for that.) The last guy that caught my eye was this one: www.bearwww.com/NNJBehrLTR. And i’m only talking about what he WROTE. (The pic is quite physically unrevealing, anyway…) I keep reading his text… Let me copy and paste it.

«««««««««««««««««««««««««««««««««««««

6’1” 260#, born in ‘62… Italian furry good cook looking for a partner… Safe & Sane and kinky - its ALL good. I’m a tall masculine sensual and solid sexually aggressive Top Bear with some kinks on the menu for mutual fun. D& D free - nonsmoker. Enjoy reading, cooking, working on the house & garden, or working on my truck or motorcycle - its a Harley, walking in the woods, kayaking. TRAVEL!!! Vegas to Europe to South America - to anywhere in between…

Please be a nice guy, D&D free, nonsmoker, looking to be a friend, leading to a partner… and lets talk.

Yes - I could pick you up, and f&ck you over my Hog… and drop you off… that’s NOT what I’m looking for.

I’m at the point in my life that I’m looking for someone who I can f&ck, or blow me - AND spend the night - do it again in the morning - and then I’ll cook you breakfast… every day for the next 30 or 40 years. (and yes, I’ll still throw you over the back of my Harley and f&ck you - and anything else in your wildest fantasys. )

Kinky? Yup! Whatever gets us BOTH off is fantastic - my limits? No drugs and no damage. Other than that - if it gets us both hot and hard - let’s try it. I’m a TOP - and I feel its my responsability to make all my, and my bottom’s fantasy’s come true - yup - ALL OF THEM. The only limit is how much you’ll trust me, and ultimately how much you can trust YOURSELF to let go, and let me take over.

Some guys are looking for “anybody”. Me? I’m looking for “SOMEBODY”. Wouldn’t you rather be SOMEBODY to me, than just anybody?

I have a fantastic career, wonderfull job, amazing home - and I’m looking for someone to share it all with…

«««««««««««««««««««««««««««««««««««««««««««

I just keep coming back to this text. I read it transfixed. Am I sane?? What’s the deal with me? Can anyone truly enlightened clear this one out?

Anyway, when I hear a top going on about fucking pussy and breeding his bitch, well, my rationality is offended by such heterosexist remarks - and my sphincter starts breathing and flexing spontaneously like mad…

I live in Europe, and experience tells me, reading profiles and meeting people, that tops like these are typically american. You won’t find a lot of hairy beefy guys where i live - really none, actually, that’s why i’m leaving again - and those I’ve found in other countries - like Germany - want similar guys, not twinks. Now, what does that say about cultural archetypes? And why do I get the occasional feeling - it gets less occasional as i get older - that being a twinky bottom is like being the lowest life form on earth sometimes?

Yeah, i’ve been thinking a lot lately about what it means to be a bottom myself… And my conclusions have not been as rewarding as those of a top, i suspect…

This is a most interesting discussion. i am pretty much a bottom, but i am in a relationship with a pretty little FtM boi, and i am almost exclusively the top in the relationship. But i can see how different i am when i am topping and when i am bottoming, and it’s definitely much more of a mental thing that expresses itself sexually. When i am with my little FtM lover, i am very much the “husband” and act very protectively towards him. And when were are having sex, i seem to very much “objectify” him. Of course, i have never really ID’d as a “butch” and sometimes, to increase my sexual excitement, i will imagine that i am someone else he has had sex with, usually someone much more “masculine” and typically “toppy”. However, the bottom side of me needs to be expressed as well from time to time. Then, i revert to my more “fem” self, and seek out taller more masculine men. However, i never actually objectify them but instead, it is how they make ME feel that is more important. The ones that make me feel cute and pretty are always the ones who get me most excited. Orgasms are also very different. Somehow, i feel that the orgasm i experience when i am bottoming is more like a female orgasm…… less specifically located and more generalized. Those orgasms also feel more intense and seem to last a lot longer.A really good top lover can also bring me almost to orgasm just by fucking me, and requires only the lightest touch on my penis to make me orgasm. And the orgasm is less of a “shooting out” thing, but much more of a “flowing out”. Its really hard to explain this, but i hope i have helped a little. hugs and a sweet kiss

jimmy

I’m 27 and have had sex on and off since I was 20. Sometimes, I feel like a frigid woman while having sex and other times it’s been open and natural. It’s very hard for me to have casual sex, because I don’t like sleeping with strangers but often I do it only because I feel it’s the thing to do. I call myself versatile despite the fact that I like to top 9 times out of 10. I think bottoming is very intimate and vulnerable and I don’t feel comfortable being in that position unless it’s with a guy i know and trust. I enjoy bottoming in my fantasies but haven’t had very good experiences in real life. The best sex I’ve ever had didn’t even involve intercourse. I was rimming my ex-bf on the floor as he sat on my face. It was so intense that I shot onto the ceiling. I hope that happens again in my life.

Bryce,

I suspect that one of the reasons my own experience has been like yours is the few guys I’ve let top me weren’t good at foreplay: the experiences were too quick and mechanical. That works for some men but not me.

I am a 51 y.o. male bottom who is newly discovering himself. - 24 years happily hetero married. A non-fixable back injury makes “driving in bed” painful and I presume I am going to lose it from not using it. (I try but am a wincing top who only gets her off eating her – FINE! I like to) But wifey and I did try anal play the last few years hoping to figure out how to find that anal orgasm. WE FOUND IT. DEEP in my lusty ass. I can not only have some incredibly intense orgasms, but once I get started, I usually have ten or many more until my partner is “tired of the event”. She only wants to get off once so my run-on fireworks gets to be a long chore. What is most surprising to me is that my insides get sensitized by contact. If I flush out and put a soft dildo in before she starts foreplay… by the time she gets ready to enter, I am very hyper sensitive. It is NOT my prostrate that is the source of these orgasms, We know hot to set the dick-spurt off. With fingers and dildos. No, when the big 8” jelly dildo is deep inside me and I am coming, I can feel my insides wrapping around the head the rest of the full length of the shaft. And being And then the erotic position of being the fuckee (who really likes it), takes over and really blows my mind. I AM the woman, and my spouse is driving me to incredible heights of lust and passion for her touch. She really loves to watch me like this of course. I suspect she knows the guys would line up to do such a passionate ass, and wants to keep me. I NEED the emotional position of trusting her to let this happen. I depend upon her to keep our secret. I wallow in the bottom-ness of not being in control, but knowing I am going to be driven fucking crazy with pleasure. WOW what an erotic place to be - under her happy teasing fuckfullnes. She knows sucking on my nipples will make me beg to be fucked, and loves being in control of me. And there is no more powerfully erotic position than doggy style under her, feeling her hot bush jammed against the sensitive sacrum, and her warmth all over my back and her hands teasing the sides of my “breasts”. Kissing my back and wriggling just enough to give me a few more protracted orgasms. This makes me feel so lovably fuckable, so lustfully “at home” I wonder how I ever get it up to do her (3 out of 4 rendezvous - coz I owe her BIG). We are OK with how this is turning out. I love the idea of being done with a real dick, but I have been her partner so long, it is her I want to depend on and need. I love my place and don’t have a clue how to find a guy who would “take a niche” of just getting to mutual trust, taking the full bite of lust, then not getting the full bite of love (she will be my one forever). And besides, I’m a bit fat, my dick is shrunk and mostly buried, and I am about as attractive as an old shoe. Most dick bearers don’t know I walk or breathe anyway. SO I have a groove that is actually quite enviable. We are both big earners and will be ok together. But most of all I want you to know, I LEARNED how to help myself get off under her. And I love it totally and know there are many other dudes out there who would bottom just to get so much pleasure if only they knew how. Eros maximus. Yes I am flexible and can mechanically fill the position of top well enough for my wife’s needs. But she knows WHERE I really want to be and giggles about it in anticipation.

Your feelings?

Please share your feelings about A bottom's weak spot.
Thanks,
Richard

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