All the straight people, where do they all come from?
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(This entry is brough to you by the phrase ignoring exceptions.)
I wonder how the old heterosexual norms are faring nowadays. Expertise I wouldn't dare claim, but there seemed to be an implied power relationship between unattached straight people.
The woman got to say yes or no. Or as as crossdresser once said to me, telling me that I didn't want to date him, as the words came out: "the man man proposes, the girl disposes."
By even looking interestedly the male set himself up for at least implied rejection. It seems like het men felt like they are in an unending competition, war, supplication.
Partly because they weren't supposed to acknowledge their lust. Lust is insensitive. Give it a few pokes and it is ready for sleep or TV.
With a gay guy or woman you look, the other person's eye's widen, you get a smile. Or they look away. Lots less attendant bullshit, often easily done without trying to make conversation.
There's certainly a parallel among gay men. Sexual attractiveness. A pretty face or big biceps and you are the one in control. Lustworthyness (to make up a bad word) was probably less important for straight men than gay guys. You seem nice looking women with less nice looking men far more often than you do two gay guys of disparate surface appeal. One of the aloof ways I've amused myself is by listening to guys tell me how they only want a nice fellow and cataloging the looks of the guys they go home iwth.
Thankfully I think women don't have to mask their carnal side as much as in the past. Men's images of women's sexuality have often been sadly ludicrous: the nasty appetites for purity or socialized submissiveness. And as reality encroached the fear of their multi-orgasmic capacities: a terrifying lamia. But only a few neurotics like Norman Mailer have been much troubled by that I think.
I remember one girl who was rubbing herself against her boyfriend so strongly I wouldn't have been surprised if she'd dragged him to the floor then and there.
TV is a handy poll of the collective unconscious. When I was watching a bunch awhile back I'd swear that depictions of women's sexuality vary by social class. Urban and professional women want to fuck. They want the guy to but they aren't hoarding vibrators while they are waiting for him. The more prosaic hausfrau lives with or dates a guy who feels pretty goddamned burdened by having to bring flowers or cuddle before pumping. Or, even worse, after.
I'm a masculine man who grew up identifying with a woman. I've wondered how much the latter contributed to my bias favoring tenderness and commitment(I know there are plenty of like minded straight guys, maybe it was yo' momma too). Or just a Keats reading neuroic (can you really imagine Keats falling in love with a girl who lacked lovely contour and coloring?).
This nasty view of heterosexuality is one reason I'm so happy to be a fag. (Not sure if that concluding line follows as well as it did when this was a short response to someone's journal entry. But I couldn't bear to part with it.)