An exchange across weblogs with ejjy
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I am not sure I give even that much thought to my own behaviour
Sure seemed like you did. Of course all my life I've enjoyed thinking about what I'm thinking about the way I think. (A stupid way to put it.) Let me put it this way: a steady monitoring of my own understanding of my perceptions, opinions is something like my supreme ethical ideal.1
This contemporary need for validation, especially through sexual intercourse is baffling.
I don't even like the word validation. Has always struck me as originating in 70s pop psyche (even if it derived from somebody like Paul Ricoeur or Walter Benjamin2). The closest I can come to accepting the sexual bit is that sexual experiences can confirm that others find us attractive. A humble need for acceptance I felt a great need of myself when I suddenly perceived sex as a need.
Will I refrain from sexual intercourse as a means of negating the manipulative nature of society
Not doing something to frustrate socialization can easily be a backhanded way of giving 'society' power. Particularly among people who self-consciously feel themselves to be outsiders. If you feel yourself apart from the average yokel on the street or estranged by the packaged products of the mass media just shrug and comfortably go your own way.3
steep myself in the innuendo and sensuality of the modern? When I say sensual, I use it as a term of implied apposite to ascetic.
Innuendo or to go to its final ramification Hot Bachelorettes Who Want to Marry a Millionaire Chosen by America's Idols is pretty disgusting (not to mention freedom fries). Idiolect is a problem. That is to say that that I don't think of the common folk as sensual. Eating at McDonald's, watching TV, &etc. aren't very sensual. Real sensual pleasure is good prose, music that most have forgotten, your lover's skin. If the majority had real talent for sensual pleasure they wouldn't drown themselves in mere distractions.
As to my phallus, let's say I am obsessed with it.
I like mine as well. My anus and mouth as well. But if I'd been given a clitoris I'm sure I'd think it was mighty keen.
You seem quiescent about my open sexuality and apparent satisfaction
Quiescent? I found out, came out about thirty years ago. You are living in the 21st century in a fairly liberal metropolitan area. Not sure what there is to say.
"You don't whine about wanting a lover." I don't know how to explain that
Many gay men tend to either talk about how much they want one or how they consider the whole notion pathetic. (And then there's us partnered folk who like to go on and on about our beloved).
I only function with sympathy involved, not as animalistic as I might presume.
In your few entries I had the impression you'd be as happy in backrooms and bushes. Your entries were scanty in anecdote forcing me to make a very speculative reading.
The release of the irrational animal comes through a trust in the rational man whose union allows for unbridled 'self.'
You lost me there. My sexual responsiveness is focused on the 'other' (damn self and other, begins to sound like some old undergraduate class on Existentialism). Even with a boy on his knees telling him to "Take it all bitch!" it works when that is the experience that satisfies him. I'm not saying that you would disagree. I can't really parse your sentence.
- I always feel terribly pretentious when I say something like that. But it is a fat rat that gnaws at the back of my mind many days.
- Not that I read or care about them.
- I thought I'd written something more specific about the self-image of being an outsider but this will have to do.