Bisexuality as a range
See more » Ambiguously Gendered See more » Love and Lust
An email made me wonder about degrees of bisexuality or perhaps degrees of bisexual eroticism.
Random notes, nothing more:
- In prisons men famously adopt other males as their 'girlfriends.' On release they revert to a wholly heterosexual life. An interesting instance of how sexuality is driven toward another even though the hand could provide adequate physical release.
- In all male schools around the world boys form passionate friendships. Sometimes sometimes the friendship seeks expression in the flesh. Others sublimate the eroticize elements. Suppressed sexuality adds passion that wouldn't be felt if female friendship were also available. Again, if only in some instances, we witness guys who love guys but go on to love women only. (Some suppressing part of their sexuality but others losing all homoerotic feelings when their options broaden.)
- I've known straight men who could admire the beauty of other men. Some because they were athletes and had a divining eye for the well-knit male machine. Others who know beauty when they see it whether listening to a sonata or looking at a handsome male.
- Young men in sports, wrestling is surely the best example, grapple with other male bodies. Inescapably sexualized by the potent hormone cocktail of adolescence part of them responds to passionate interaction with a smooth, supple body. Sometimes so strongly they are probably embarrassed.
- And what could we say of the men who can enjoy crossdressers, guys in dresses. Or persons with both breasts and a penis: pre-op transsexuals. Some probably do need the feminine attire, the breasts. Others use it to conceal their desires for a man from themselves.
There's no denying that monosexual people exist both homosexual and heterosexual. Probably you are one.
Bisexuality must range from an ideal condition that finds both men and women equally attractive (if it includes the transgendered and intersexed it is what I call pansexuality). At the opposite end there are the bi-erotic: people who admire pretty people of their own sex but no more want to fuck the object of an admiration than they would a rose (which would certainly hurt).
The genuinely bisexual may be one of the classes of people most damaged by the contemporary sexual ethos. When they are young they are timid, they strive to stomp their pleasure in their own sex into the ground hoping it will die. But sexuality never dies. It lurks. And as they age the denied desires surface. Hence in middle age many bisexual men seek to compensate. Long delayed lust makes them selfish and ugly. The latently blooming bisexual has usually developed a network of relationships that keeps him more deeply in the closet than a purely queer man.
Bisexual men, even if single will be feared by women: he'll leave because a woman only can't satisfy him. True sometimes. Mostly for those who've hide from themselves for decades. He'll have AIDS: no more if as true of the heterosexual man who hires hookers.
Many gay men fear them as well: he'll leave because he must have a woman. I've known a couple of guys who were hurt that way. Some foolish gay men feel there is a choice to be made. As if you couldn't eat Chinese one night and Italian the next. It is like the colorblind feeling outrage at a normally sighted person who can see the rainbow.
Bisexuality must exist in a spectrum. Some men enjoy both equally. Some will want manly men, others soft guys. Some will really prefer women, but you know some would genuinely rather love another man.
And some are just lucky enough to be able to appreciate how lovely a human being can be without any need to do more than watch him or her walk by.