Choosing to be a hermaphrodite
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Iíve wanted to write my definitive celebration of nelly gay men, sissy bois, genderbent outlaws (thereís a lie, some are more conformist than a Republican congressman). Put it up on my website and shut up about it. Not that Iím going to write about daffodillies here. My mind wandered toward another sort of gender outlaw this afternoon: chicks with dicks, shemales.*
Iíve always assumed that any guy who is taking hormones, had womanly breasts molded into his body is a pre-op transsexual. Is someone who feels that his genetic fate has thwarted her psychic need. That anyone who winds up keeping both cock and tits is too poor to complete the transformation.
This afternoon it hit me that a small core must do so because they want to be a hermaphrodite. That needs to be narrowed further. In the world of paid sex no one can earn more a hermaphrodite hooker (given the right connections and self-possession). Pre-op transsexuals sometimes become chick-with-dick whores to pay for their surgery. For a few, the money must cause them to forgo sex reassignment surgery.
There must exist a small core for whom possessing both a womanís breasts and a phallus is a source of strong satisfaction. I canít help but wonder at the erotic imagery that would lead to becoming a classical hermaphrodite. Power? The potency of the penis merged with a bitch goddess? Melding opposites in one person?
My own sense of self varies from ungendered to mildly masculine. Iíve allowed the blurring or mixing of gender qualities to embody the transcendent. The old intellectual bad habit of letting the erotic fill the empty spot left by the nonexistence of the spiritual childhood leaves us foolishly hoping for.
Not that Iím that big a fool. Most androgynes are as pedestrian as the typical K-Mart shopper. It would be interesting to meet someone who had made the choice to be physiologically androgynous for aesthetic reasons and without a core need to act be treated like a woman (in a funnily out-of-date sense Ė but then Iíd still want to be the one who held the door open).
* Iím using the coarse terms deliberately.