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Recently in skimming a book about female biochemistry I learned that when we are very, very young our bodies secretes tiny doses of the hormones that produce sexual desire. After a few years the glands grow quiet only to resume with full force as we enter our teens.
Hidden in that childish eroticization I suspect is the origin of atypical sexualities. Barely beginning to socialization we experience an uncomprehended reality. Helplessly we respond if only in forging neural pathways that will shape us forever.
Words are just being learned, our brains are incomplete, our bodies inchoate: There’s no way for us to recall or again experience those crucial experiences.
But the sound of our father’s voice, our mother’s caress, what see, touch, taste and smell: some of that becomes secretly sexual.
Is this why some of us are different? Buried revulsion and sweetness that shapes us forever?
There’s no humane or tolerable way for these infantile experiences to be studied so this can never be more than the most tentative speculation.