Fear of Younger Lovers

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Alex is and Charles was much younger than me.

When I was looking in recent years that was actually the last thing I wanted. Mid-30s was my idea of the youngest I’d imagined.

Partly because I had no desire to seem or feel a cradle-robber. Mostly because of my expectations with a younger lover.

Experience - which occurs over time - teaches us that romantic love doesn’t mean life together is uncomplicated and ever smooth. Even as a young man I felt that wrong expectations destroyed many a relationship. A glimpse of a flaw, a bad week and everything ended.

After you’ve loved and lost a few times you become familiar with the rough patches. That even with the best will in the world they’ll come. Instead of brooding on your disappointment you shrug (or square) your shoulders and move on.

Experience also teaches us to appreciate our partner’s needs more clearly. It is all too easy to be blind to some desire of the other’s. Or to not see with true clarity the depth of their need. To dismiss it.

It could be simple reassurance. It is easy to underestimate the need for that. We are sure of our feelings, how could they not know that?

I also feared that an older lover would be more experienced and able in communication. Certainly with a man as focused on words as I am.

I learned - quite painfully - that sharing and exchanging words isn’t always enough. But not doing so is an invitation to doom.

So my speculation was that someone older would be more mindful, perceptive and patient.

Of course there are plenty of middle-aged and elderly selfish and silent people. Their hearts filled with blame.

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