Gay monogamy: illusions of love & desire

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People fuss far too much about how other people live, take gay monogamy (easy to imagine an ermined ghost of George Jessel arising to say "take my gay monogamy, please").

Heated passionate argument about gay male monogamy vs. open relationships has rippled across gay weblogs recently.

I had a promiscuous youth, I hope most of you did. Equally part of the mixture was a hope for a life partner (as contemporary parlance has it). The latter ended in a series of disappointments, not many; I've never had much illusion of how marriageable a guy I am. For several years I was equally open to whatever attractive young flesh was "available for a limited time only!"

Once for a time I thought I'd found true love that would last forever. Five years isn't forever. Five years is just long enough to crush you when love dies.

Since the end of 2000 I've been living and sleeping with one guy. I'm fervently hopeful it will last as long as my body does. That an hour, day or year from now it may predecease me isn't something I let myself forget.

Monogamy is something I'm committed to. My past has led me to it, my hope is my future will realize it.

There was a time when I confused my own need for monogamy with the needs of others. I grew up. Monogamy is for some, not everybody. Virgins are often the fiercest gay monogamists. If your own wish for enduring love makes you condemn the club hoppers maybe you should examine the source of the idealized images you keep so close to your heart. Are you just keeping alive the heterosexist sexual ideology you grew up with. Do you really think the men who move from cock to cock aren't satisfying their own needs? Do you really think they'd be happier or life would be better if they remained as forlornly chaste as you?

Gay monogamists are often a sad species: the penis shouldn't rule but failing to satisfy it will lead only to misery. Despite adding a spiritual gloss to their own needs they are often as fetishistic as anyone else. They need a certain kind of face, a specific bodily shape. Their sexuality isn't nearly as spiritual as they make themselves believe.

Monogamous, in an open relationship, promiscuous there can't be more than one rule: if the man is honest with himself and with the men he sleeps with then you should just shut up. If they are true to themselves they aren't being false to you, my cramped, astringent, self-defeating boy.

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I have so much to say, I can’t even begin.

nice site, you know

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