Gay Virgins ...

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I’m a romantic guy. Sometimes looking back I’ve wondered if I haven’t been too romantic a man.

Regretting the past is vain of purpose or value.

Every now and then I run across - mostly on the web, but once in real life - attractive young gay men who are virgins.

They are waiting for Mr. Right. Or at least Mr. Good Enough to be a boyfriend and not just a one-night stand.

If you aren’t cut out to have a happily sluttish young manhood that isn’t a failing. Or is it?

I enjoyed mine. Though I went the romantic route within a few years. Leading to much frustration. Even unto recent times.

I’ve known men who have an inexhaustible sexual appetite. Depending on their inclination they are in or someone is in their bodies as often as possible.

Almost every single one of them has wished they had a lover to whom they’d be true. Or who would at least be the most important person in their lives even if they still saw others.

My joyfully promiscuous friends never thought about shutting down their erotic life to wait for Mr. Right. Much less living as gay virgins.

If you are hypercharged with romantic ideals my advice to you would be to go fuck or get fucked (or sucked, the act doesn’t matter) anyway. At least once, damnit.

Famously youth is wasted on the young. Not really. Only on a few folks in love with their naiveté.

If you are young:

You can have partners you’ll never be able to have when you are older. (While true, it can be overinflated. There are boys who like older men. There are plenty of people who would rather sleep with someone likeable, smart, communicative than a Brad Pitt clone. Trust me).

There’s a special zest when you are young. Another half-truth. When people express the wish they could have the strong emotions they had as a youth I tend to shake my head. Why?

If you are at all evolved you don’t need to go back to that period of confusion.

If you have a talent for living the decades don’t leave each new experience stale.

Maybe you can’t get quite as giddy. Well, have a drink or joint.

Anyway, if you are a young gay man who wants both love and sex my advice to you: is at least have some of the sex. Don’t put yourself in the position of regretting having tossed away your young years. That is one of the few things that can really poison your later life.

Love that lasts isn’t easy to find. Even the finest folks may separate after years past. Don’t invest too much of your life in idealist images of what you want. Sometimes in settling for what you can have you get what you really need.

Follow-up: Return of the Gay Virgins

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I think I can speak for some of the men you talk about when I say:

“Richard, we cant do it.”

Seriously. I can´t even remotely picture myself having sex with a guy I have meet 30 minutes before. Its beyond me. I have been approached in the bathrooms of places that werent even remotely gay, but what? Go down on the guy in a public bathroom? O_O

I am not waiting for mister right either. Myself, I just have had -no opportunities-.

Let me repeat to give emphasis “No opportunities”

I would have no problems making out with a guy I have just meet or having sex with a guy I have been seeing for a week.Thing is I have -no opportunities-. Usually, I only manage to find guys who want to have sex right there and now.

I am trying to find opportunities though, its just that things never are as simple as they should be. But I promise I will post something here in the event I get lucky ^_^.

I think Richard’s advice about finding people on the internet may be useful for you. While I’m not a virgin, I was celibate for over 10 years until just recently, and it was becoming a bit of a barrier. I’m also someone who can’t just have sex with a stranger. I got into an email exchange with someone, and after a few days we met up for lunch and went back to his apartment. For various reasons it was an experiment for both of us, and wasn’t ever going to be a relationship, but I am looking for one of those, and it is easier for me having got rid of the ‘10 years’ barrier, and gave me back the confidence to pursue what I really want.

The advantage of the internet is that you can at least get to know something of the personality of the person before you meet up, so it breaks down some of the awkwardness.

Anyway, good luck.


While your comments did make me think of this I wasn’t thinking of your situation when I wrote it. I was thinking of people who remained virgins - well, they still are. Probably always will be. Both older than you. They’ve become little more than zombies. It is frightening to see.

No, I’ve never been one for bushes, public restrooms and the like. I do have friends who enjoy those things.

Since I was openly gay from age 18 on I met people just because they were neighbors or acquaintances of acquaintances. And after fifteen minutes of chatting if a pretty boy expressed interest I couldn’t have thought of a reason to say no.

I’m hoping you get into medical school where - even though I know you’ll be very busy - there will hopefully be some decent guys and a way to meet them. Just getting out of an isolated area will surely make a difference.

Very best of luck.


I went through a long period of celibacy myself. When a five-year relationship went sour I withdrew from even thinking about sex or affection. Stupidity – in my case – that I greatly regret. But I was bitter.

While I had to weed through lots of guys whose idea of conversation was “a/s/l” with patience I did chat with some guys well worth knowing. I didn’t meet as many as I might’ve. Just as it was really starting to lead to more and more new people I met a guy that I wound up living with for five years. That was an awful mistake but not because I met him on the web.

Sounds like you made a smart move: lack of confidence can be a killer.


I just have to post this. I think there is a conspiracy that profits from my lack of relationships Richard.

So I meet this guy at orkut. Blah blah blah ( skipping the boring parts ) we were going to see a movie tonight as a excuse to meet, talk, and who knows.

I went to the movie theater and just couldnt find him -anywhere-. The place was inside a mall, so I searched for him around the whole floor, no luck. I thought he had left because I arrived 10 minutes late ( yea I know, thats bad too ) and so I got myself a ticket and went to see the movie since I was already there anyway.

Later, well, just about now actually, I am checking a few websites, feeling sorry for a 100mb download I lost, I receive a message from him at MSN. He told me he was there, and didnt find me, I could tell easily, by the caps, that he was quite angry at the whole thing. I managed to calm him down, but I dont think he believes me when I say I just couldnt spot him, and he couldnt find me either ^_^

This whole thing feels a lot like something that would happen in Seinfield. Now… I hope Newman doesnt shows up here tommorow to eat my lasagna.

Sorry I’m late in responding.

Bad luck is hateful. And people can be so distrustful.

Hope you two do get a chance to meet.

I’m 60 and a Gay Bicurious soul that is a HERMAPHRODITE, want to hear more? My sex life sucks,Got any suggestions?

Have you made an effort to meet men your own age?

Going out and getting laid may ward off later regrets, but it can also prove a profound disillusionment.

That’s what I did—in the absence of love, I figured I might as well take what I can get, sex with hot, young studs.

The result: utter boredom. Sex without a personal connection is labor, repetition, friction. Where is the stimulation in that? No wonder, given such emptiness, I am still waiting for my first orgasm with another man.

If I am missing something Richard, please share!


I wrote a new note today that I hope will clarify what was on my mind.

Your feelings?

Please share your feelings about Gay Virgins ....

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