Having multiple online persona
See more » Love and Lust
While I'm in the midst of these BDSM related reflections I realize that I've never really said much about certain aspects of my use of the web to meet people.
It started out simply enough with establishing a Richard Evans Lee @yahoo.com account. I joined assorted local gay clubs (now groups). I carefully added interests: gay this and that. And joined clubs without a regional bias but still focused on gay male relationships.
Given my multifarious sexuality I established Yahoo (and later AOL) identities and profiles matching ever part of my sexuality: man-to-man, man-to-woman, transvestites, transsexuals, dominant, submissive, and probably a few miscellaneous ones when I hit Yahoo's limit to the number of clubs you could belong to.
I made some friends. Some I'll never meet, a few I did meet, people I had coffee with that never led to a second meeting. A bunch of people wanted to meet me but the desire wasn't reciprocated: closeted hets, fucked-up in some way, people's whose desires repelled or spooked me (never wanted to shave a young jock's pubic hair). A very few I was intimate with. A tiny select group I still know.
The group I remember with the least fondness were the gay men who thought they were Masters. Most of them couldn't master themselves, wholly unworthy to take control of another. Unlike heterosexual BDSM folk they never understood that negotiation must precede a meeting.
The dominant women were saner, funnier but always lived out of reach.
So did the feminine guys. I'd hear from many of them, almost all a thousand or more miles away.
Heterosexual conventional women all seemed to have grown up watching Lifetime: they all had the same images of romance - candlelight dinners and walks on the beach (the last a bit hard in the middle of North Carolina).
Submissive women: the ones that wrote to me seemed to be too deeply confused to ever try to know.
Submissive guys were available aplenty. They all seemed to want to top from the bottom without any prior dialogue. Too trapped in their fantasies to appeal to a dominant man.
Right before I met Charles I was exchanging email with a couple of extremely attractive (emotionally). Along with a few nifty men I never met them. Scheduling proved too so much of a hassle that I was involved with Charles before we could get together.
Much of what I did on Yahoo was replicated on AOL. In having the most members AOL naturally acquires the most clueless.
What struck me most about the many people who wrote or IM'd me was how little effort they made to get to know me through my web pages before meeting me. Proved the same through all the sites: gay.com, alt.com, everywhere I posted a profile. (Charles never really looked at my website anymore than he reads my weblog, but what can I say?)
Each persona that I created had its own website. In my BDSM website I explored the appropriate side of my sexuality in detail and depth. If I'd said "I hate people who eat hotdogs" HotDogAddict would've replied.