I watch a little porn

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Back a bit I mentioned that I’d never seen a porno movie. A friend of mine offered to lend one. His tastes are close to mine, he’s very discriminating and he’d cleaned his porn collection of everything except the few he thinks the best. He hasn’t delivered it yet (my fault for not making clear that I’d like to see it).

Charles, when I told him of this, wasn’t exactly delighted. He regards watching porn as a species of adultery. Unfanatically, I agree with him. If I were to start watching lots of porn or downloading mpgs and jpgs it would be unfaithful of me. When we moved him out of Raleigh we accidentally brought one of his housemate’s porn tapes along with all the X-Files episodes he’d taped for Charles.

Charles set it aside for me to watch. When he went off to Raleigh I decided to play the tape. That I’d have to set aside some of my sexuality was something I knew would be necessary. Kind of funny, but discovering that I could be sexually attracted to women and later to shadings in-between the genetic genders left me more able to find masculine men more lustworthy. But often I have to decide to. What are a deltoid and bicep compared to a limp wrist or graceful flutter of fingers? That part of myself would have to be invoked if I weren’t to feel like an entomologist staring down a lens.

So I bought some beer and went to LJ to see what some of you had written. Midway during beer number two I made myself go to the TV (that I had to make myself likely conditioned what followed).

There are two movies on the tape. No surprise that something entitled With a View to a Thrill would star an agent of Zymox (Google reports that “Zymox Rinse provides a powerful protective barrier against minor skin inflamations
and irritations due to bacterial and fungal infections” and “ZYMOX ® Otic Ear Medication - For cat and dog ear infections due to bacteria and yeast. Available through your veterinarian only.”).

Secret agent Rex Chandler heads for Hawaii for preposterous reasons. The agent in charge needs to be clued into the seriousness of the situation. How else would you do that but by having sex with him?

I’ll have to admit that the bit of business where they start chinning together isn’t unclever. The motion and breathing is a good parallel to sex. I can tune myself into the movement of the muscles under golden skin. The rimming arouses me a little. No surprise, below the neck a guy’s but is what I love best.

After lots of body kissing and licking (but hardly anything face to face) they move to a couch for the reason people buy the tape. They look bored pissless. In a few cheap-o horror movies I’ve seen starring porn actors that weariness with which they go through the motions always annoys me. It isn’t that hard to smile, frown, widen the eyes. But masturbating audience is there for the pecs and triceps, not the lips.

The smaller slender guy starts fellating the hero and I stop the tape.

Time to try Deep in Hot Water. TLA Video summary : “The sensational Rex Chandler heats up the screen when he plans a hot tub orgy while his lover, sexy Brad Philips, goes on a business trip.” As soon as Brad departs the hot tub repairman arrives. In less than two minutes he’s sucking off Rex and I hit the stop button.

Maybe I just wanted to be back on Live Journal, maybe it was my mood, maybe I don’t like porn. I may give the tape another shot. When my friend brings his tape buy I’ll certainly watch it.

But these didn’t warm me up anymore than the loop I’d watched in Atlanta many years ago. A guy surprised by my inexperience insisted that I go with him to a gay sex bookstore. For a quarter you could watch an unappealing, pimply youth (very much rough trade) jack off.

Whenever I get to see the other movie I’ll record how it goes. For now there’s better lechery to be had in a male sweater catalog.

I wonder how I’d’ve responded to a het video. Like everybody else in the world not day passes without an offer of “FREE XXX” but the images always strike me as revolting. The men look like they are just plain determined to pump and the women never appear to be having any fun.

And I’ll admit that a video with a pre-op ts might have grabbed me where my perversions live. But I know what pre-ops are often forced to do, not to forget the chasers that plague the intersexuals. I think I’d feel immoral. Maybe I’m just squeamish.

David Searching
David Searching for the right guy is sometimes pretentious, trite, bathetic. But I think it may be the best gay man looking for romance movie I’ve watched. It has the rare virtue of skipping most of the clichés.

Except for one. It still strikes me that many gay movies show two guys: one is older, darker, taller, more muscular than his complement. Since I like it that way, I’m not complaining.

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Love and Lust
I watch a little porn
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