More gay male bottoms than tops? Why
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Would more gay men rather be on the bottom, i.e., get fucked, do the sucking?
It wasn't until using the web to meet guys that I ever wondered about gay male tops and bottoms. Looking for love (or, some days, whatever I could get) online there were the folks who'd wander into a chatroom and say "Looking for a top" or "Are there any tops in here?" On gay.com simply putting the word 'top' in the little one line chatroom personal summary would flood me with chats.
In my more sexually enterprising youth the terms had yet to be coined. There were butch guy, nelly queens and everybody else. A fair slice of everybody else often camped it up.
Well, one man's sampling is ineluctably biased: my time, location, socioeconomic condition. Perhaps back then gay men who were indistinguishable from straight men were less likely to go to bars, less like to know the people I knew. And as a tall, hairy, heterosexual seeming young gay man I was more likely to draw nelly gay boys. Or the swishy fellows appealed to me and I unconsciously blanked out more conventional men who might've liked to sleep with me.
Having had sex with a fair number of femme gay men I know there are femme tops but they are rare. As are femme versatiles. Versatile seems a woefully wrong term for what I suspect the sexuality of most gay men. Or the majority now: I've often felt that many gay males adopted dishy manners because they felt that their desire for men made them female in some obscure way. The earliest queens anyway. At some point many gay men adopted girlish mannerisms because it made them congruent with the other gay men they knew.
But some did partly identify as female. My sureness rests in my own identification with my mother. Or my disgust with my father. I wound up with a masculine persona and a preference for being on top. Why didn't I wind up swishy? To me my mother was someone who managed the emotional arduousness of her life calmly. And she was never a primper. If some gay men's sexuality evolves from an identification with a woman the qualities of the woman probably shapes much of how that identification expresses itself.
But I don't want to get too distracted into writing of girly boys and jane girls as much as I love them.
Whether more gay men are anal sex tops than bottoms I don't pretend to know. And if something is true now, was it true forty years ago?
Why do some gay men get more pleasure out of being screwed than doing the screwing? I can get a kick out of being on the bottom. I find it pleasurable. But my prostate gland isn't nearly as thrilled as my penis if I'm on top. (Of course I've never been screwed by a Live Journaler with a special anal sex superpower.)
And when I've fucked a guy it really isn't just the friction. Friction I can get from my hand or an Accu-Jac (don't know that they still exist, it was an appliance that promised to deliver the pleasures of being fellated). When I've entered a guy there is a rightness that I've never felt in any other kind of sex. There's a unique psychic fulfillment.
Aside from the possibility of them being born with mutant prostate glands I have to assume that the gay male bottom gets an equally potent fulfillment from being the guy being pounded.
If the two experiences aren't neurologically equivalent there is some psychological equalizer. My imagination fails when I try to see it as anything other than a joy in being in the 'woman's position.' Living in a heterosexual society we are inescapably shaped by their sexual imagery.
With gay transvestites this is a given. But the butch bottom may shiver at the idea that his sexuality derives from the stereotypical woman's place during sex. If it doesn't derive from heterosexual coitus where does it come from?
Perhaps as with the fanatical frotters some gay men find being penetrated heroic, a warrior sexual aesthetic: submission before powerful masculine beauty. Likely most never give any of it a thought: feels good, do it (to me).
Still I wonder why does is it more thrilling for them than me? Why am I missing out?
(There are probably at least 8, 243 begged questions in the above.)