More gay male bottoms than tops? Why

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Would more gay men rather be on the bottom, i.e., get fucked, do the sucking?

It wasn't until using the web to meet guys that I ever wondered about gay male tops and bottoms. Looking for love (or, some days, whatever I could get) online there were the folks who'd wander into a chatroom and say "Looking for a top" or "Are there any tops in here?" On gay.com simply putting the word 'top' in the little one line chatroom personal summary would flood me with chats.

In my more sexually enterprising youth the terms had yet to be coined. There were butch guy, nelly queens and everybody else. A fair slice of everybody else often camped it up.

Well, one man's sampling is ineluctably biased: my time, location, socioeconomic condition. Perhaps back then gay men who were indistinguishable from straight men were less likely to go to bars, less like to know the people I knew. And as a tall, hairy, heterosexual seeming young gay man I was more likely to draw nelly gay boys. Or the swishy fellows appealed to me and I unconsciously blanked out more conventional men who might've liked to sleep with me.

Having had sex with a fair number of femme gay men I know there are femme tops but they are rare. As are femme versatiles. Versatile seems a woefully wrong term for what I suspect the sexuality of most gay men. Or the majority now: I've often felt that many gay males adopted dishy manners because they felt that their desire for men made them female in some obscure way. The earliest queens anyway. At some point many gay men adopted girlish mannerisms because it made them congruent with the other gay men they knew.

But some did partly identify as female. My sureness rests in my own identification with my mother. Or my disgust with my father. I wound up with a masculine persona and a preference for being on top. Why didn't I wind up swishy? To me my mother was someone who managed the emotional arduousness of her life calmly. And she was never a primper. If some gay men's sexuality evolves from an identification with a woman the qualities of the woman probably shapes much of how that identification expresses itself.

But I don't want to get too distracted into writing of girly boys and jane girls as much as I love them.

Whether more gay men are anal sex tops than bottoms I don't pretend to know. And if something is true now, was it true forty years ago?

Why do some gay men get more pleasure out of being screwed than doing the screwing? I can get a kick out of being on the bottom. I find it pleasurable. But my prostate gland isn't nearly as thrilled as my penis if I'm on top. (Of course I've never been screwed by a Live Journaler with a special anal sex superpower.)

And when I've fucked a guy it really isn't just the friction. Friction I can get from my hand or an Accu-Jac (don't know that they still exist, it was an appliance that promised to deliver the pleasures of being fellated). When I've entered a guy there is a rightness that I've never felt in any other kind of sex. There's a unique psychic fulfillment.

Aside from the possibility of them being born with mutant prostate glands I have to assume that the gay male bottom gets an equally potent fulfillment from being the guy being pounded.

If the two experiences aren't neurologically equivalent there is some psychological equalizer. My imagination fails when I try to see it as anything other than a joy in being in the 'woman's position.' Living in a heterosexual society we are inescapably shaped by their sexual imagery.

With gay transvestites this is a given. But the butch bottom may shiver at the idea that his sexuality derives from the stereotypical woman's place during sex. If it doesn't derive from heterosexual coitus where does it come from?

Perhaps as with the fanatical frotters some gay men find being penetrated heroic, a warrior sexual aesthetic: submission before powerful masculine beauty. Likely most never give any of it a thought: feels good, do it (to me).

Still I wonder why does is it more thrilling for them than me? Why am I missing out?

(There are probably at least 8, 243 begged questions in the above.)

Later: Top, bottom equals dominant, submissive? and The mystery of bottoms' orgasms

Comments

A comment left on Live Journal:

“I love how you are totally respectable to all people in your labels. E.G.=”gay Transvestites” you unlike most people think there is only 2 type of people other than hetrosexuals, that is Lesbians and gays. :( Sad isnt it”

My reply (it addresses one of the many things that that were glossed over in the entry):

One reason I always distinguish gay tranvestites is the homophobia I encountered from straight ones. When I first realized that crossdressers could be lovely I went to the usenet crossdressing newsgroup. Since I made it clear in my message that I’m gay it was made clear that I wasn’t welcome and should just go to a drag bar.

When I made the passing reference to gay transvestites I felt a little guilty since I know some are only attracted to others like themselves, not masculine guys. It gets hard to not generalize since it is so easy to get bogged down in all the exceptions.

A similar question is why are there (are there?) more lesbian tops than bottoms. But it seems to me it is like asking “why do women (or bottoms) slip into baby talk with their lovers more easily and faster than do men?” It reveals a pleasure and happiness in the submissive role.

The receiving role is the feminine role, the working giving topping role is the male. If you are “deviated” (no offense meant by the term) as society sees you, you would be naturally drawn to adopt the manners, desires, and values of what you percieve to be the “opposite” (No offense meant) sex.

The most butch lesbians tend to adopt the swagger and tendency toward violence, and in some appalling cases a complete rejection of vanity or care for their appearance. Is that natural or are they adopting the rough and tough guy personality in order to appeal to and attract the sort of females that like commanding, dominant, protective lovers capable of winning street fights when the femme dresses provacatively?

Why is it that the most feminine, sexy, slutty, and bimbo looking sex magnets tend to go with big tough insensitive hoods? They need the protection and the possessivness, if not the battering.

I think if you like dick, you are more likely to act in a manner calculated to attract dick. There is a whole class of “heterosexual” men, secretly calling themselves “bi-curious” who would love nothing better than to have their woman “force” them to suck cock or be anally penetrated, to be forced feminized and do things which they might feel are repellant, yet secretly yearn, as proof of their love for the woman. Are these guys gay? I don’t know but I don’t think so. Most of them want nothing to do with kissing a man or forming a romance with one. They just want to play a sex object with a gloryhole, or objectified male sex organ.

Why do women have high voices, like children? Desmond Morris opined that it was so men, with the deep voices, greater body hair, taller, and stronger, would protect them, like their children. It is interesting. They made Arnold the Governor, didn’t they?

As a pre-op ts, Ive wondered why it seems that alot of men want TG women to top them? I mean duh! Im walking here in heals and hose with a skirt and blouse, Long hair and carring a purse. Im taking enough estrogen for three women… What would make you think I would want to be on top? Im not into other tg ts cd guys either… I want a masculine man who wants to make me his squeeze…lol I dont know though? Before transition from m2f there always seemed to be plenty of gay men who wanted to bend me over? I guess maybe its possible that its regional? Or maybe its the aging population? Maybe its just the cushy lifestyle we live here in this country. Were all becoming more feminine because we dont have to hunt buffalo, fish or trap for our dinner. We dont chop wood and haul water, we dont have to fight off other waring tribes..Or we dont have any women at home because their all working to help make ends meet, and therefore the men are becoming domesticated and feminized doing house work and babysitting…lol Thats my guess?

Thanks

Alison Kay

I live in Sydney and unfortunately it seems this is a city of bottoms!! I struggle to find any Tops.

I am a total top - but not particularly “butch” or “femme”. - more androgenous actually. For some reason - being a top just comes naturally to me. For one thing - I’m extremely hard all the time. I think that another factor with this top/bottom thing is that men who are attracted to me like dick. Generally, for me, dick is wonderful but everyone I’ve been with wants mine. So, I’ve been blessed.

Is it possible to “evolve” from being a bottom to becoming a top and then just becoming versatile? In my case, this has happened. I’m in agreement that there seems to be a larger bottom population overall. When I used to cruise the phones and online pages, there seemed to be a vast shortage of tops. Still is. I’m not too sure as to the reason. In any case, as long as there are more bottoms than tops out there, there won’t be any difficulties in the pursuit of carnal pleasure for those hungry tops. It’s really a win-win situation.

there’s alot of macho types that always front as and act like tops, but they are really bottoms. This is real common with athletes, especially NBA players. I’m the same way, so it’s tough to tell who likes what,etc.

I’m one of those bi-curious males. I have only once had a sexual relationship with a male which consisted of my only performing oral sex. My preference is also as a bottom. Basically, because I’m attracted to being a relatively passive partner. Penetration I can perform on women so it’s the role reversal which appeals. I suppose my not being truly gay makes my point invalid.

Hi,

I’ve always been a total bottom. I love acting like the woman and being the woman and helping the man get satisfied.

I’ve been with women and love sex with women. Very sexually satisfying. But when I’m with a guy I don’t care if I get satisfied or not. I want to please him. I think part of me wants to be the girl that every guy needs. Women should be more submissive, so I am more submissive.

I love top guys who are a little bit dominant and don’t care how I feel.

Just some thoughts. I really think that most bottoms out there are playing a gender role more than getting off sexually. The prostate gland .. there is some pleasure … but mostly pain and discomfort.

rs

I want to be a bottom. With me, I know it’s because I’ve always wanted to be a girl - since kindergarten. We perverted little things would lift up a girls dress to see her panties, and I began, then, wishing I was a little girl and someone wanted to see my panties. My first and only time being fucked was wonderful. There was some pain until I loosened up to him (it took awhile) but the in and out was delightful. I did have some pain for the next few days too. I didn’t mind. I want that kind of sex again, and often, but it is difficult for me to find tops, and tops who are willing to work their way in slowly.

Your feelings?

Please share your feelings about More gay male bottoms than tops? Why.
Thanks,
Richard

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