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An email from an old friend stunned me slightly.
Have I given the impression that what I'd most want from a romantic partner is neediness?
Probably. My guess is that I've tended to define what I like in terms of what I had. Charles was very needy indeed.
True I do like being given a chance to be strong for, to help. Having spent four years doing nothing but that I know that I'd really like someone who could also comfort and help me.
Thinking back I remember that when I was young I mostly attracted guys who wanted to be bottoms in bed they weren't out of it. Socially they were quite assertive and at times led me around by the virtual cock leash of their sexual charisma. And I followed not at all unhappily. I can too easily fall into ruts.
The woman that I lived with was probably the most passive person I was involved with. But that was because she had no strong desire to determine where we went and lived. Until things went to Hell letting me take the lead worked for both of us. At the time I'm not sure either of us was aware of the pattern.
No, I admire confidence, talent, creativity too much to want someone merely needy.
I'll admit to wishing for someone I could pamper. I myself am not one much for being pampered. But take enormous pleasure in gestures and gifts. Harmless vices I think.
No, I don't need neediness.