On being needed ...

» Love and Lust

I always think of myself as a happy solitary. I like my own company and groups and crowds invoke an involuntary nausea.

But last night I was barely able to sleep from sheer loneliness.

It hit me that I'm single again.

Now I don't have even the illusion of meeting another's needs, to be - I'm not sure of what word captures the right nuance - provider, builder, strong right arm, shoulder to cry on. To be needed in a certain way is one of my deeper hungers.

The guy I met four years ago almost to the day is away right now; we haven't even spoken on the phone.

Momentarily freed of pressure I finally have the emotional space in which to mourn the loss of love.

So I spent my night remembering him sitting on my leg, thinking of smiling at his profile when he looked especially sweet.

A miserable time but one I needed to live through to prepare for life without someone who needs me.

Richard | November 05, 2004 •
Prior: One of the saddest nights of my life
Next: Needy people
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Comments

I feel for you.

I have felt such pain, I understand it well. All too well I’m afraid.

If there’s anything I can do?

Posted by: Tim Who? | November 5, 2004 4:52 PM

Same feeling as Tim

Hope you are Okay

We care

Posted by: AlexFinn | November 8, 2004 11:13 AM

hugs

Posted by: jaded | November 8, 2004 9:48 PM

All my best….

Lij

Posted by: Lij | November 10, 2004 12:49 AM

Love and support from one gay blogger to another.

Posted by: eric wilcox | November 11, 2004 10:35 PM

How do you feel?

Feel free to share your feelings about On being needed .... Please stick to the theme of the entry. Disagreement is fine. Homophobia, racism, and kindred expressions of hatred will be deleted. This site is one of my hobbies. I genuinely enjoy hearing from people and hate moderating or killing comments. Forthright disagreement is fine as long as it is civil.
My thanks,
Richard

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