On being needed ...
See more » Love and Lust
I always think of myself as a happy solitary. I like my own company and groups and crowds invoke an involuntary nausea.
But last night I was barely able to sleep from sheer loneliness.
It hit me that I'm single again.
Now I don't have even the illusion of meeting another's needs, to be - I'm not sure of what word captures the right nuance - provider, builder, strong right arm, shoulder to cry on. To be needed in a certain way is one of my deeper hungers.
The guy I met four years ago almost to the day is away right now; we haven't even spoken on the phone.
Momentarily freed of pressure I finally have the emotional space in which to mourn the loss of love.
So I spent my night remembering him sitting on my leg, thinking of smiling at his profile when he looked especially sweet.
A miserable time but one I needed to live through to prepare for life without someone who needs me.Warning: include(/home/edifying/public_html/pansexualsodomite//common/individual.php): failed to open stream: No such file or directory in /home/richardlee/domains/pansexualsodomite.org/public_html/archives/love_and_lust/on_being_needed_.php on line 69 Warning: include(): Failed opening '/home/edifying/public_html/pansexualsodomite//common/individual.php' for inclusion (include_path='.:/usr/lib/php') in /home/richardlee/domains/pansexualsodomite.org/public_html/archives/love_and_lust/on_being_needed_.php on line 69