On Not Being a Good Male Bottom
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I had semi-sex with three guys during my elementary school years. Makes it even odder that I didn’t perceive my lust for guys until I was 17 going on 18.
I say semi-sex because nothing much really happened. The first time I tasted cock I found it weird and distasteful. Given my later pleasure in the taste of any part of a person’s body maybe he just tasted bad.
The other two guys made an effort to fuck me. My recollection is extremely dim but I don’t think they accomplished much if anything. They were a little bit older. It was their idea. Sex wasn’t something of which I’d become conscious. I’ve never known a moment of thinking any sort of voluntary erotic experience immoral. And when I was young I was pliable if not outright plastic.
So I started on the bottom.
Later a self-discovered queer I found myself down there, oh, ten or twelve times. Or thereabouts.
Two of the times were pleasant. Once was great and had me screaming - literally - for him to go harder and faster.
In my fantasy life I’ve imagined myself being on the bottom many a time.
But aside to the experiences above I’ve never cared for it. Being on top has always been the best.
True my bias toward femme guys has made it more likely I’d meet bottoms. But there are femme tops and some nelly guys are wholly versatile. (Otherwise I wouldn’t have had those experiences on the bottom.)
Given that I’ve enjoyed it in fantasyland I’ve on and off it has often baffled me that real life didn’t prove more entertaining.
The guys I’ve let top me have mostly been incompetent. Minimal foreplay.
I have defective vagus nerve so the pure physical pleasure most men get isn’t available to me.
(Funny thing about the vagus nerve is the mostly hidden subculture of heterosexual men who enjoy being penetrated by their wives and girlfriends who wear strapon dildos. It is a large part of the sex toy business and a huge segment of porn.)
Thankfully I do enjoy fellatio. Though in being the one doing the sucking you are on top again. You get to set the pace and are (mostly) in control.
For me it has the reward of being active and attentive. Which may be my primary sexuality. (I have too many to be sure.)
Maybe the tongue is really the best sex organ … ?