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I was unpacking and sorting through part of my 3,000-ish CD collection when I had a rare epiphany.
Everybody has those experiences I hope.
Nothing I’ve ever tried to cultivate; unanticipated joy sweeps through me.
I might be walking down the street and glance at a house. Suddenly I feel strongly aware of how even though it was built along with tens of thousands of others built from the same plan erosion and refurbishment has rendered it - in trivial ways to be sure - unique. And simultaneously that it is a generic house.
Someone who unlike myself isn’t a materialist and atheist might feel they’d felt the touch of their god.
Perhaps it was the variety of my music collection that triggered the recent flush.
My pansexuality ascended within me and I felt both appreciation of all the possibilities of gender experience and performance: joy in each and indifference to the particulars of any specific one.
Even my sexual aesthetics seem to vanish and physical appearance seemed unimportant while for a couple of minutes I felt connected to the totality of human erotic experience.
Naturally the exaltation receded and I was just a guy who delights in androgyny and is deeply in love with a transsexual woman.