Pansexuality meets transvestite, transsexual

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I want to dally a bit in a place most of you can't go.

I've exchanged many emails and comments with a large portion of the spectrum of transgendered persons over the past few years. In the earliest days there were sometimes talks of meeting if they were near. Even after I met Charles crossdressers and transsexuals and I have often talked.

Why is a mash of things. I hover between a sense of myself as an ungendered biological male and as a socially and sexually masculine man. My ungendered sense of myself is drawn, if only as a sympathetic ear, to the magicians who rise above gender and those who've found it a challenge or a prison.

I'm happily masculine but for biographical reasons wriggled against calling myself such even as I exploited it. I feel an inescapable tenderness for the differently feminine. And strong conflicts.

Gay crossdressers excepting a few that are among my most valued online friends often have a tortured very male idea of femininity. In a way nothing reveals more clearly that a transvestite is a guy in a dress than his feeling that it is duty when en femme to be servile and pleasing.

MTF Transsexuals (the kind who want to or actually manage to transition from their genetic gender) want to be loved as a woman. I lived with my female lover for five years. I've slept with lots of guys. I know the anatomical distinctions between the orifices; appreciate keenly the different genitals, variety of secondary sexual characteristics.

Surely I flatter myself that I've been an alert scrupulous lover. Some body part grabs your attention and your hand strays there more than the one you are with wishes. The focus of their desire may focus somewhere else and you are either neglectful or your involvement breaks. Maybe one of you moves their mouth too readily towards a desired goal.

But I'm not sure what treating a transsexual like a woman means. OK, if she hasn't been able to transition there's the "chick with a dick" problem. If she has then she is a woman. Assuming you treat your lover as your lover wishes to be treated, gently, as a whore, a mix then how do you treat a woman differently than a man?

On a base level a hole is a hole. More tenderly a person is a person. How would I treat a post-operative transsexual than I did the woman that I lived with. Mechanics aside I didn't love her (in any sense) than I would a guy.

OK, I don't warm to masculine men. (Masculine women is a different issue.)

I guess I've recapitulated why I call myself pansexual. Every kind of person worth loving, in every sense. Some of you are just prejudiced. (Which is fun as well.)


(This is a email I sent to a woman who had born genetically male in an effort to clarify my meaning.)

I first met a transsexual, pre-operative thirty years ago. Though at the time I identified as only gay.

Sometimes it is to get lost in another person’s weblog, especially if they are doing autobiographical postings (which I’ve done often myself, though I tried to remember to start putting the date they actually happened at the end or beginning of the entry). So it isn’t always easy to be sure of context.

There are a fair number of journals by transsexual people (particularly on Live Journal) many of whom haven’t yet or are not financially able to have completed their transition. Sometimes you don’t know what stage they are at. When anyone states they are transsexual or female I take that as the truth. It isn’t my place to quibble with their self-definition.

I slept with guys for seven years before having sex with and then living with a genetic female for five years. For me the change from loving guys to loving a woman was trivial. I wasn’t suggesting that there is anything flawed in a woman who has achieved her proper biological destiny via sex-reassignment surgery wanting to be treated as a female. My point was about myself, really: having loved both sexes I didn’t treat them differently.

There’s a shred of lie in this. The men I’m attracted to are feminine and bring out chivalrous impulses. I like to open doors for them, light their cigarettes. I prefer them smaller and enjoy it if they wear a scent and a little jewelry.

I think the majority of the people I’ve known via the web only are or were gender dysphoric. I’ve always tried to see them as they see themselves. While as an outsider see a spectrum I try to appreciate the specific color and hue of the individual.

Do you think transvestites think, as being a little semen, that they want to be a man or a woman, and that if they become either of them, they just want to be the other?

Heh. Somethin’ to philosophe about, I ‘spose ;)

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Pansexual Sodomite
Ambiguously Gendered , Love and Lust
Pansexuality meets transvestite, transsexual
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