Pansexuality meets transvestite, transsexual
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I want to dally a bit in a place most of you can't go.
I've exchanged many emails and comments with a large portion of the spectrum of transgendered persons over the past few years. In the earliest days there were sometimes talks of meeting if they were near. Even after I met Charles crossdressers and transsexuals and I have often talked.
Why is a mash of things. I hover between a sense of myself as an ungendered biological male and as a socially and sexually masculine man. My ungendered sense of myself is drawn, if only as a sympathetic ear, to the magicians who rise above gender and those who've found it a challenge or a prison.
I'm happily masculine but for biographical reasons wriggled against calling myself such even as I exploited it. I feel an inescapable tenderness for the differently feminine. And strong conflicts.
Gay crossdressers excepting a few that are among my most valued online friends often have a tortured very male idea of femininity. In a way nothing reveals more clearly that a transvestite is a guy in a dress than his feeling that it is duty when en femme to be servile and pleasing.
MTF Transsexuals (the kind who want to or actually manage to transition from their genetic gender) want to be loved as a woman. I lived with my female lover for five years. I've slept with lots of guys. I know the anatomical distinctions between the orifices; appreciate keenly the different genitals, variety of secondary sexual characteristics.
Surely I flatter myself that I've been an alert scrupulous lover. Some body part grabs your attention and your hand strays there more than the one you are with wishes. The focus of their desire may focus somewhere else and you are either neglectful or your involvement breaks. Maybe one of you moves their mouth too readily towards a desired goal.
But I'm not sure what treating a transsexual like a woman means. OK, if she hasn't been able to transition there's the "chick with a dick" problem. If she has then she is a woman. Assuming you treat your lover as your lover wishes to be treated, gently, as a whore, a mix then how do you treat a woman differently than a man?
On a base level a hole is a hole. More tenderly a person is a person. How would I treat a post-operative transsexual than I did the woman that I lived with. Mechanics aside I didn't love her (in any sense) than I would a guy.
OK, I don't warm to masculine men. (Masculine women is a different issue.)
I guess I've recapitulated why I call myself pansexual. Every kind of person worth loving, in every sense. Some of you are just prejudiced. (Which is fun as well.)