Post-gay: narcissists, normal, does it matter?
See more » Love and Lust
Post-gay dude seeks same (no femmes, fatties)
First time I saw the phrase "post-gay" was in a Yahoo personal ad.
Being a member of the generation of gay men between the Stonewall Riots and AIDS and passing for a heterosexual my bias towards someone pretty with a penis attached wasn't a problem. (And to make sure it wasn't shortly after finding out I moved to a major city.)
Casual sex was easily available without social, practical or medical worries. Some early desires to do good for the for gay folk at large notwithstanding if being post gay means that your life isn't circumscribed or distorted by your sexuality then I lived as a post-gay man. This is one of those funny fine line conditions. My motivation for moving to San Francisco was the Baghdad by the Bay's reputation as most gay friendly place in the US. But by moving there I made my sexuality even less of an issue.
After having lived with a woman, having my sexuality all but vanish, eventually revive I found myself more strongly queer identified than ever before. And the latter-day permutations of my sexuality have never weakened that gay identity.
Somewhere between early elementary school and junior high I moved into that somewhat self-indulgent psychic space of the 'outsider.' I came to identify myself against the norm rather than in terms of myself. One reason that discovering that I liked boys was pleasing (not that the real discovery of lust wasn't might happy in itself).
Can you be post-gay in Hooterville?
Being (or imagining themselves) post-gay isn't a luxury available to every gay man. Lots of people are born and grow up in small, conservative towns. Or are sired by ignoramuses that they depend on for many years. Now I never gave a damn about most of my family. But lots of folks do and growing up scars them.
It'd be easy to say post-gay just means narcissistic queer. I'd say it just means average queer. Even in the not so distance days of homophobic persecution how many openly gay men's gay life consist of more than bars, bushes and bathhouses? Which again could be called self-indulgent whoring. I'm not one to know whoring if that is what makes you happy. (I remember Bruce Voeller of the National Gay Task Force. He came to Atlanta and first thing he did was go to a bar and hookup. Come daylight he was back at work, doing good.)
Digression: Let them eat TV
Really it shows that most gay men, like most people are apathetic. Gay people aside, I prefer my masses apathetic. My esteem for the human race has never been high and I've always felt that if you could know what those quiet commonplace folks really think you'd find that many of them are cesspools of eerie ignorance and creaky paranoias. Best to have them harmlessly watching Joe Millionaires' Temptation Island of Pickup Truck Hookers.
Criswell said the future is where we'll all live one day
I've tended to view the future with the uncomplicated aloofness typical of a much-loved child who grew up in the 1960s. Too doomsayers I've always turned an indifferent ear. Nowadays I fear that the ugly, dark, somewhat fearful Christianized conservative side of the American public that was always there is finally emerging. E.M. Forster somewhere described democracy as something like an interlude between tyrannies. I'm not so much fearful of democracy failing as the real body politic finally claiming it. Perhaps a nasty time is coming and I'll have been lucky enough to have lived in one of the freest stretches of American history.
Not that I fear for myself. I'll probably be dead by the time the monster fully emerges (if it ever does).
That striking down Texas's sodomy laws made the average American moron more fearful of gay marriage hints at something about the psyche of the common folk. We liberal, humane, post-gay folk may find ourselves in the position of a serene Roman patrician who one day discovered the temple his family had happily worshipped at for centuries had been burnt by order of his Christian emperor.