Romantic love and erotic responsibility
See more » Love and Lust
My romantic need to be pleasing is greatly parallels that of a male submissive in a D/s relationship. At least that is something a friend said to me not long ago. I see you over there making a face. You think that is a morbid thing to say. Me, I see the truth of my friend's insight.
Most people, at least I'm led to believe, see love, romance, sexuality as almost transparent. I delight in gender color and am keenly attuned to power relationships. While you are looking directly and uncomplicatedly at your beloved I have a large array of lenses, prisms, levers wheels and balances that would do Rube Goldberg or at least the inventor of Mousetrap proud.
The desire to please has many permutations. Vanilla to be sure but sometimes there are other flavorings.
More than the drugs, more than anything else maybe what ultimately killed my relationship with Charles may mostly have been sex. If you are exceptionally naïve you may be feeling as I often do that I've deceived you. That I'm not just the nice man you've thought. Well, friends and neighbors, I'm a swell fellow. But I'm also a biological male. I like my orgasms.
Charles often confessed a desire for me to control his behavior. While part of me can easily be submissive another part enjoys control, direction. There's pleasure in power exchange, role-playing and in helping and improving another person's life.
Sex between Charles and myself became negligible, eventually nugatory. Without my partner, lover, whathaveyou giving me orgasms I felt no impulsion to guide his behavior. Really I got where I'd just as soon have him away. Not that I cheated on him even when that would've been more of a possibility. When my affections are fixed on someone no chastity device could make me more monogamous.
But there was liquor. While a little alcohol can be an aphrodisiac a bit more leaves you as randy as saltpeter.
The sad moral of this story is that if Charles had cared more for his …
His duty to his romantic partner. Yeah, I'll go with duty, responsibility, obligation. Why not? We talked about this the second day we met. And when you seek to establish an enduring romantic alliance if you neglect sex you invite all the consequences.
Anyway, if Charles had been more sexually caring, responsible, respectful then he might've never been allowed to become addicted to crack and might not be pining away in another town wishing he still had his lover and his home.
Without establishing that history of erotic responsiveness he kept me steadily ready to leave. Indeed I should've left him much sooner.
Romance can always go beyond the erotic. But it cannot evade the erotic.