Sexual maturity

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Sometimes I can take pleasure in how I've matured. The other day a guy came to the shop and sold me a bunch of gay male fiction. I asked him if he thought any of it was funny. We talked a bit. Increasingly I found myself wishing that I were younger and could invite him out for coffee and see how our sympathies and empathies might mix. I found myself strongly attracted. Not that he was startlingly good-looking. Really I don't remember much about what he looked like. His sex appeal was in his gentleness. He wore glasses. Shamefully I've spent my life as giving the truth to the old Dorothy Parker quip. My sense of what is attractive in other people has sanely shifted.

Other times I can despise my immaturity. Ever vigilant with my site's referral log I discovered people were talking about me on a forum. Very - too - flatteringly. Ever since the days I spent on Yahoo I always look at someone's profile, bio, about section. One of the flattering people had several photos up. They were aesthetically, erotically devastating. So I left an overripe note expressing my admiration. I've never wanted to be an Internet flirt. And confessing your admiration of someone's online photographs isn't necessarily kind. They've probably heard it too often. And ignores their real needs if they are looking for friendship and kindness, not an 'admirer.' I felt ashamed the next morning.


I think the older we get, our tastes change more. Back in our “younger” days, it was mostly about looks. As we grow older & wiser, we find out that looks are only a fourth of the package. (They wither regardless, no matter how hard a person tries.) I am one of those people that the longer I’m around someone & get to know them, the better looking they are.

Gentleness, yes that’s a trait we look for as we get older, so is humor. You have to be someone who makes you laugh. If not, then why even bother?? Life is hard enough as it is, we have to laugh and to think. Which is where intelligence comes in. The older I get the more I want smarter people around me.

Throw a hottie at me and I wouldn’t kick him to the curb, mind you. (though Hubby, might!) lol

I love Dorothy Parker. She wrote some good verse.

As for seeing who is linking you, I’m guilty of that myself. Heck, two weeks ago I joined 3 MSN groups that kept giving me hits. I had to go see who was talking me and how bad it was. (ever the paranoid gal) Sheepisly I found out it was someone who really liked my site and put my link in those groups. That felt good. So much nicer than “can you believe that bitch?!?” lol

You’re site rocks, Sir. Always has, always will. So, of course we had to talk about you. Lost is one of the coolest people I know. I hope you visit once in a while, you’ll enjoy yourself.

Now take care & be good, would ya??

You should have heard me when I saw what you said about my profile! I don’t think I’ve ever blushed so much in my life. The fact that I’d been reading through and agreeing with most of your rants only led me to speak honestly in return when I posted your link. The apartment was filled with shrieks, giggles, and “oh my god!”s at your observation of me as a person.. Don’t worry, all of that was good noises. -grin- I was flattered and when flattered I tend to get girly. Unfortunately, despite Lost Soul being my vision of who and, more importantly, what I am.. the pictures are of a friend. He is what I wish I was, in every physical aspect. All that was said about changes, being an “it”, everything but the pictures is true. Born of the third gender, or nadeelhi, I wouldn’t be able to feel utterly complete in either gender.. Neither fits me correctly, not fully. It’s difficult to describe and I know it muddies the waters for those who were born into the wrong gender, so I tend not to talk about it.. but I will be opening it to discussion in the future on NB. As you might have noticed, one of our members is a male born genetically female. I fear discussing my gender issues around him because I know what he’s had to go through.. up to and including the “gay man stuck in a woman’s body” jokes. I know how hard he’s had to fight for acceptance of something that should be as simple to accept as his gender. I ache that he might see my own issues as proof that I’m just as bad as those he’s met who pretend at being who they aren’t. I think somewhere along this comment I lost my thread, but it was essentially this.. Very rarely do I have a stranger wax poetic about my views of myself. That you were kind enough to stop and sing me praise both there and here made me feel somehow worth something more than I have been. The loves in my life are very supportive of what and who I am and it was surprising to see that reflected in the comments of one who had no personal gain in making them. I’m about to complicate things even more by explaining what I mean about strangers commenting meaning more than loved ones’ comments… so I’ll just stop now and return to my own environment to wax poetic about how this made me feel. Thank you, Richard, you’re an unbelievably sweet man. And I’ll be sure to tell my friend he has an admirer. -wink-

Since that is how you see yourself, that is how I’ll see you. Your friend is very pretty but it doesn’t matter much because it wasn’t his words that I read.

Some transsexuals are easily offended or hurt by transgendered people who don’t feel the need to be a specific sex. A couple of weeks ago I made one of my periodic posts to explain however much I like androgyny, gender ambiguity I do perceive, say, mtf transsexuals as women. Gender, including the evasion of it, as identity rather than biology.

I enjoy the inner gender ambiguity as much as the surface. Those rare people like you who can enjoy taking whatever they want from either gender. Admittedly for me a guy who has girlish moments is most beautiful of all.

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