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I'm not a racist. Or am I?
I do have a shameful erotic bias. I'm rarely attracted to black men. I look at Nat Cole, Billy Eckstine, Sam Cooke - aren't they all beautiful? - no erotic tingle. Admittedly I might not feel anything if they were white. Two of them are fairly butch looking and I have a sexual prejudice against heterosexual men.
After I first came out and realized this I scared shitless. Was I tainted with racism? I don't think I've ever confessed this to anyone.
You might now agree but I cleared myself of the charge. Racism has never prevented sexual attraction. How many black women in slavery were used as concubines by their owners? And there are the gay men whose racism inverts itself into fantasies of massively hung black toughs who'll use and abuse them.
We are all to some degree prisoners of our own sexual limitations. For most of mankind it is a restriction to one gender. Others are only able to desire men who are circumcised (or the reverse), hairy (or smooth), men who looked like they were drawn by Tom of Finland (or - ahem - anything but). Often the only thing you can say about sexuality is that it is. Depending on your own limitations you'll smile at the people who are limited to a body type or are merely monosexual.
Circumscribed sexuality is bad because it leaves us with few people to be intimate with, possibly to fall in love with. But utopias are famously boring. Our failings and incapacities are part of the diversity that keeps life sufficiently interesting enough to be endured. A poor apology for pluralism I admit.
To wend back to myself. I'd been thinking about this recently but had to be reminded by an entry in peachauto211's journal. I'd been thinking about writing about this in my weblog but not my Live Journal for fear of hurting anyone.
I was standing on the porch one night smoking a cigarette turning this over in my mind. I'd decided that I should leave this unwritten. Restless I turned on the TV and started a HBO (or Showtime) show on the penis. The only appealing man was black, sitting nude with wonderful coppery skin and a nice looking cock. Then I remembered that the guy I probably would've become involved with if I hadn't heard Charles' nelly voice on the phone was black.
See also: "Nigger!"
Added later, from a comment I left on Live Journal.
When I see Jackson in his tough guy roles I remember reading once that some African-Americans have called him a new type of Uncle Tom.
I can't honestly remember exactly what was said. My interpretation of it put me in mind of white people who giggle violently when a black man says "Fucking shit!" in a movie. It is a new type of stereotype. (Which is one of the reasons I like the treatment of the black guy in Panic Room.)
I remember many years ago noticing what seemed like the deliberate casting of black women as tough judges on TV shows. But in watching a fair amount of recent black cast movies it seems like the most typical characterization of black women is as 'sassy' and 'smart-mouthed.' There must be exceptions but it seems like black women are often cast as the wordly wise and wise-cracking friend of the sensitive white woman.