Should a straight woman try a lesbian affair

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Yet another Live Journal conversation.

I am so hetero. But I think I'm quite falling for one of my fiends. It shocks me sometimes how simpatico we are. Should I meet her? Should I follow stars? Is it better to worship from a distance?

Supposedly women find it easier to be physically intimate with their own sex than hetero men. They don’t have that nutty masculinity business percolating through their brain cells.

If you were to try it you might discover that you can’t go all the way (given your essentially sympathetic nature you’d probably simply feel disoriented rather than fearfully unnatural). But if you had to pull but there’d be however kind your feelings at least a sliver of rejection. I know you’d hate to lose a friendship.

I’m assuming you two wouldn’t be shacking up. If you were to live together with another woman you might discover that you don’t feel sexually satisfied without a man. Unhappiness all around.

I figure you’d already thought all this out for yourself.

Why is the sky blue?

God sends little faeries out with paintbrushes every morning.

Roy Brown - No Love At All
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i am a gay woman and my friend known about my orientation, she is straight. we eventualy grew closer and i fell in love with her and she fell in love with me (so she told me ).she was in the middle of a breakout with her boyfriend at that moment. when eventually she got free of her relationship with her boyfriend she told me to wait for her and that we’d be finally well together, but when the time came, she found herself a new boyfriend and now she has a baby. so i told her i didn’t want to see her anymore ‘cause it hurts me too much. i really don’t understand anything, did she love me or not, and if she did why is she with a guy now with a baby. she told me the last time we saw each other that she wasn’t that way (gay). what is that… was she in love or what. are all straight girls that fucked up or that cruel or is it just my luck to find fucked-up girls. she was 33 and i was 36 i thought that we were passed that stupid phase when you don’t know what you really want. what happened, was she in love but she wasn’t able to live it, but if the feelings were there i don’t understand why she coudn’t be with me. so go to hell straight girls you are just so CRUEL to play with hearts like that. that was the first time i loved that way, we felt so good together. fuck you, i hate you all.

i just discovered i had feelings for a girl… and I’m a girl. I don’t know what to do. I always liked guys. But now I know I can’t stop looking at that girl when I see her. I can’t talk to my parents, and it’s messing up in my mind. I hate it… How can I love anyone and not being able to show it?

I started out as a gay man. I didn’t worry about my parents or any friends who might be offended. Can’t let other people ruin your sexuality.

I like both guys and gals. Gives me more chance for happiness don’t you thing?

It amazes me that people still think there’s just this black and white sexuality question. Gay or straight? You really think it’s that simple? You can think of yourself as gay and then fall in love with someone of the opposite sex. You can think you’re straight and have a gay relationship. Chances are that the label “bisexual” might be more useful and accurate than the black/white gay/straight denotations. Or “pansexual”, if that’s what you prefer ;-)

If more people thought of sexuality as a continuum things would be much simpler. Personally I think I’m quite far to the gay edge of the continuum, but that’s just from my experience so far. It could always change. I think more often people decide that they are gay or straight based on a combination of how they actually feel (who they are attracted to, etc) and how they imagine their life would be if they followed their hearts/libidos.

I know a number of bisexual girls who have settled with men because it was easier .. they wouldn’t choose the hassle of coming out to friends, family, the grief of parents who want grandchildren etc. They didn’t choose to be gay.

I wish that people would realise they don’t need to make that choice or accept that label. They just need to be honest with others.

You are preaching to the choir as we say here in the land of Baptists.

My own path was from gay to bisexual, ending with pansexual. I use pansexual for a couple of reasons. The married “bi guys” who would IM me when I was dating via the web were very creepy and seemed to think a statement of bisexuality made is instant partners in infidelity (if there’s a monogamy gene I’m a carrier).

More importantly the last stage of my sexual evolution was the discovery that I could find the atypically gendered as lovable as genetic males and females. For many people transvestites, transsexuals, intersexuals are either gender trash or fetishes. I want to emphasize that my capacities for love and lust aren’t merely the traditional binary options.

For me one proof of the continuum is that many heterosexual men overcome their limitations in prison. If they were merely monosexual they’d rather have their hand be their only sexual partner.

There was a nonce word that doesn’t seem to have persisted for women who finally opt to live as heterosexuals: hasbians. I guess “Kissing Jessica Stein” was their movie. Really liked that movie up until the end. Felt like a slap in the face to gay women everywhere.

People like simple choices: god, politics and sex.

This was certainly an unexpected exchange to result from following Simon Willison’s blogroll.

Oh, it wasn’t a snub on “pansexual” at all … and I understand your reason for using it. Just figured some people might identify with a word used more in normal discourse. Although I completely respect that it might have negative connotations for you … Elly gets absolutely IRATE at people thinking that because she is bisexual it means she a)can’t make her mind up or b)is really straight but likes to flirt with girls. So many words, so many choices … as you say, just not simple enough for most folks.

And absolutely, a very unusual exchange to emerge from Si’s blogroll!

Don’t worry, I didn’t take it as a snub. I didn’t say it clearly but I call myself pansexual to celebrate people that I think are neglected. And have a weakness for restating their beauty and value.

Shortly after I met Charles I mentioned casually that I’d lived with a woman for five years. He came close to deciding to never see me again. He felt I was of the “needs to shit or get off the pot” class. Normally I wouldn’t cite one of my own URLs but I did my best back in October to summarize the abuse and incomprehension bisexuals experience:

Bisexuality as asexuality: biphobic people, biphobia

sigh I’m reaching out for anyone that has any advice. I’m a lesbian and out to my friends. I met this girl recently through a friend. Anyway, she’s straight and really cute. I like her a lot. Well last week a group of us went out to a strip club. She (straight girl) and I drank some but didn’t get really drunk. Anyway, at the strip club (this was the second day in a row that we had gone, just because its cheap fun and not like that shakes finger) we were just laughing and having a great time. Some time in the night she ended up sitting on my lap and I started to rub her back and dance with her. Then she put on her coat and I proceeded to dance and rub her back under her shirt now, still very innocent. After a while we left, she and I piled into the backseat of the car. I was sitting against the window with my arm around her shoulders as she snuggled against me. Our foreheads were pressed against each other and my right hand was on her leg. Eventually her hand and mine entertwined and she started to rub my fingers with hers then she turned her head and we started to kiss, quite passionately. This continued as she ran her fingers through my hair pulling me closer and I did the same with one hand while the other drew circles and such on her stomach and etc. This continued and got even more heated as the car ride continued. Finally we reached her destination and that was that. sigh My problem is… we have since hung out several times. Another night we slept over at someone’s house and we laid next to each other, snuggled during the night. She always hugs me when she leaves and etc. We’ve yet to talk about it and right now I just don’t know what to do. There are some other things that happened but I’m trying to keep this as short as possible (not really happening). Anyway, advice? Anyone? I should also mention that she is dating a guy and to the best of my knowledge has never done anything like this with another female. Please e-mail me at if you have any input. I really need to talk about this.

i think it depends entirely on the people involved. if it’s two women who are able to communicate really well with each other and treat each other consistently with respect, then they have a good base to start off with and there’s no reason to not explore further.

however, if it is a woman just experimenting and not taking into consideration all of the potential problems and not being up-front about where she’s at, then no.

Your feelings?

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