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Recently on Live Journal I've gained a new reader. He always signs his name in lower case and addresses me as "Sir."
I fear something in me responds to that "Sir." Something deep responds with great pleasure.
This is one area in which my sexuality is, well this isn't a good word but we'll use it, conflicted. I've always like guys who are "bitch goddesses." My ideal guy might have painted nails but he's tough as nails.
But I like to be in charge, a top if you will, in a relationship. If topping is needed. And, you know, often it is. There are those couples where smarts and wisdom are symmetrical. But lots of us live with someone who is more or less canny, one of us has more prudence, is more guided by experience the other doesn't have or can't follow.
At a risk of sounding arrogant given a chance I'm prudent, experienced, willing to do the hard and boring stuff. If I allow you to be passive I need cooperation in return.
Charles is willful; I like willfulness. I like guys who are spoiled (yeah, what a sap). When I was young I always seemed to find myself with trust fund boys or formerly rich kids with no money. Charles is the latter.
Charles wants me to be the responsible one. And he wants to rule the roost. I've come to respond with passivity and self-destructive indifference.
That isn't working out. That my nervous system jerks involuntarily to being called "Sir" says too much.