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Recently on Live Journal I've gained a new reader. He always signs his name in lower case and addresses me as "Sir."

I fear something in me responds to that "Sir." Something deep responds with great pleasure.

This is one area in which my sexuality is, well this isn't a good word but we'll use it, conflicted. I've always like guys who are "bitch goddesses." My ideal guy might have painted nails but he's tough as nails.

But I like to be in charge, a top if you will, in a relationship. If topping is needed. And, you know, often it is. There are those couples where smarts and wisdom are symmetrical. But lots of us live with someone who is more or less canny, one of us has more prudence, is more guided by experience the other doesn't have or can't follow.

At a risk of sounding arrogant given a chance I'm prudent, experienced, willing to do the hard and boring stuff. If I allow you to be passive I need cooperation in return.

Charles is willful; I like willfulness. I like guys who are spoiled (yeah, what a sap). When I was young I always seemed to find myself with trust fund boys or formerly rich kids with no money. Charles is the latter.

Charles wants me to be the responsible one. And he wants to rule the roost. I've come to respond with passivity and self-destructive indifference.

That isn't working out. That my nervous system jerks involuntarily to being called "Sir" says too much.

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I can understand where you are coming from on this topic. I find myself in the same situation. I am expected to be the serious one, the one that works, the one that is responsible for everything that happens in the relationship. I find myself cringing when even a little kid calls me “sir”. I find myself also becoming very passive, and not just sexually, but in every part of life. Maybe it’s just my personality finally matching my sexual desire to be with someone that is dominant. If anyone knows any good tops out there send them my way.

I used to flinch at being called Mr. but finally got over that.

I’m perfectly happy to be the responsible one but the guy I’m living has is too irresponsible and after three years I’m finally approaching complete emotional exhaustion.

I know what you mean about the other half being irresponsible. My “other half”, and I use this term very loosely, hasn’t had a job in almost 2 years and doesn’t seem to be in a hurry to get one.

Dear Richard, Sir, why am i smiling? You are a natural Dominant, but perhaps You don’t realize it ….. yet. “how do you know, little jimmy? ” You are asking. “It is in Your writing” i reply with great confidence. Dominance is more than physical strength, or the ability to make pretty marks on a boy’s bottom with a single-tail whip, and while it is different for each submissive, for me it requires a Man (or Woman!) of prodigious intellect, and the emotional strength to be gentle and affectionate. For only the truly strong can be gentle. And submission also takes strength…. not just to endure the pain of S/m play, but also to endure the discipline of being consistant in everything. But i would not encourage You to wander down a path that You do not wish to go… only to show You a path that You might find interesting enough to explore when the time is right for You. One caveat i would like to offer, if i may, Sir. As a submissive, i am no longer willing to offer my submission of any part of my life that my Dominant is not willing to take full responsibility for. The corollary for that is also true for the Dominant.

Today, i have to take off my lavender nail polish and my eyeliner, as i have to sit with the president of a credit/debit-card processing company who seems to want me sell his services to successful buinessmen. sigh… and i guess the heeled boots and the tight flared jeans probably wont be appropriate either… more sighs Maybe i can still wear my barbed wire necklace….. under my button-down shirt and tie. giggles (this demented little submissive works for a living, owns his own home, and built his own recording studio himself…. and looks very cute in a tool belt, wielding a power drill!) hugs and a sweet little smile jimmy

Dominance is within my sexual spectrum. Years ago I had a boy lick my boots and gave him a spanking. I enjoyed it. Not sure why I never followed up on it.

I write like I know what I’m talking about because it is pretty wearying to read people who hem and haw. I like to think of my true stance as permanent doubt. About almost everything. Certainty is hard and dangerous.

Dominants who don’t realize the responsibility they’ve accepted are trash. I think Dommes understand this much better than gay male Masters who think too much of their ego and penis. Being served is what is about but when you take control of parts of someone’s life it has to be done intelligently and wisely.

I’ve never mistaken submissiveness for irresponsibility or incapacity. Some people are sexually submissive only. Others need a life of submission but the latter doesn’t mean that they don’t have knowledge or ability.

Sorry you have to mask your true self but thankfully you know what you need to do to insure that you have a comfortable and safe life.

Hmmm, why didn’t You follow up on it, if You liked it so much, Sir? Perhaps there is a cute little submissive out there wondering why You didn’t like his service to You. And don’t worry about my not being able to wear my favourite clothes when i am out doing business things. It’s really all part of the territory. And not being able to wear my most favourite things keeps them sort of “special” to me, and so i still get that little thrill when i put on my andro clothes when i come in from a hard day selling electronic transaction services to very butch businessmen. “hah hah” ( and making a VERY good job of looking butch, myself……. well, maybe a fairly good job, anyway) hugs and a sweet kiss jimmy

It was just a one-night stand. Neither of us had a thought of seeing the other again before or after we met. A week later I’d moved to San Francisco.

Odd that I found this entry: just today on a whim I stopped in a fetish leather store here in San Francisco to buy a cockring. The man at the counter, probably 15 to 20 years older than I and far more masculine to my eyes, addressed me as “Sir,” which likewise gave me an unexpected thrill.

Most likely he was just using basic customer service language. And as it’s a Capital-L Leather store, part of me wondered if that was a natural counter-role for the gentleman. But I think the charge I felt was the wonder if there were some kind of inherent forcefulness or dominance that I had manifested recently but not recognised yet…that I held some kind of social power I hadn’t identified.

Admittedly (and somewhat superficially) I also entertained the notion that asking for the “larger” ring had something to do with it….

Being a man I expect respect from the bottoms I fuck, especially the fems, and for them to fulfill their obligation to please me and any fellow man I’m with and give us the quality sexual pleasure we men and our penises are entitled to and that bottoms owe us.

I live just south of SF and come into the city often… the leather dynamic flourishes there. I would suggest you explore the venues which cater to those with that interest.

The citadel has a queer playground night… submissives and dominants alike can find each other in a safe, social setting.. that does still allow quite a bit of play if you are so inclined.

You will find male Sirs and Lesbian Sirs alike there. As a female dominant myself ( tho I dont consider myself a Sir ) I find the Yin Yang of Sir/boy Top/bottom Dominant/submissive very natural.. it fits and feels right. The natural order of how it should be.


Your feelings?

Please share your feelings about "Sir".

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