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Ignoring whichever position they prefer in the process of obtaining or producing an orgasm I'd guess most gay men have conventional, vanilla sex. Variously it may be tender, romantic, violently erotic, a quickie to make desire go away. (I'll take a one or two, hold the cheese. I've never had the gift for a half-hour in the bushes, bookstore or bathhouse.)

There are those for whom a role is the source of pleasure.

Most people respond to dominance and submission with a giggle or their gag reflex. (Sometimes I think I sound like a Susie Bright wannabe.)

Years ago I met a boy through a personal ad that I spanked and had lick the Army boots my momma so thoughtfully gave me. I enjoyed it greatly. Why didn't I follow through? A couple of weeks later I'd be living in San Francisco, the most S&M friendly city in the US. Partly I was busy in the escort trade and not long thereafter I'd be in LA working to setup a branch of the SF operation. Funnily I had little sex while I was selling it (aside from the few times I sold myself which didn't come under pleasure). My next two significantly sexual experiences were with the most beautiful boy I'd ever met and with the woman with whom I was surprised by my own bisexuality. Strong on thrills without resorting to kink.

When I was single and meeting guys via the web I did hear from guys who were looking for everything from a 'take charge top' to someone to humiliate them. But the people offering themselves to me weren't presents I was hankering to open.

Dominance is the least explored part of my sexuality. If I hadn't met Charles that might've changed. Shortly before we setup housekeeping together the emotional attractiveness of the people I was exchanging words with online brightened markedly. People with more imagination and understanding of psychological bottoming succeeded jock boys who thought having their pubic hair shaved was the height of submission.

On both the malesub and Femdom sides I've never empathized with feminization as degradation. What peculiar sexism: worshipping women by being humiliated into resembling one?

Like most people I had an uncomprehending idea of D/s relationships.

Dominants who don't realize the responsibility they've accepted are trash. I think Dommes (female dominants) understand this much better than gay male Masters who understandably expect their ego and penis to be the center of the slave's universe without remembering that slave or no there's a human being who must be carefully tended to, more so once he's surrendered himself to their power

Being served is what is about but when you take control of parts of someone's life it has to be done intelligently and wisely.

I've never mistaken submissiveness for irresponsibility or incapacity. Some people are sexually submissive only. Others need a life of submission but the latter doesn't mean that they don't have knowledge or ability.

The stereotype in explanations of this is the harried business executive who likes to surrender his control with a dominatrix. The pleasure of giving all responsibility to another person. Similarly I think of my friend 'lacesundone' - a nurse who has a very demanding workday. Though her search for a strong and loving before whom she can kneel has only been frustrating.

I have my own submissive side (no point in calling yourself pansexual if you don't have every side buried down deep somewhere). For most of my life I was too distrustful to take a chance on exploring it. (And if you are tall and look far more confident than you've ever felt you'll meet attractive people who aren't looking for surrender.)

I got brave a few years ago and did have a couple of experiences. Once with each sex. They guy was a flub. There's no end of tediously bossy sorts but domination is a talent. And knowing exactly where to send that riding crop takes knowledge. The woman was wise and experienced (not to mention doing me a favor since even a Domme who doesn't charge can expect extravagant favors from guys much better richer and looking than me). My "Thank you M'ams" left me with a surprising afterglow.

I forget where this was going so I'll just baldly end it. If your sexuality has taken you down any of these paths and you don't suffer from that illness called sexual guilt I hope you'll leave a comment.

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