The mystery of bottoms' orgasms

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Richard's eye

Being a thrifty soul I sometimes post replies and comments made elsewhere:

Bottoms’ orgasms baffle me. The few times I’ve been there it has been fine, even enjoyable at times. But only once was it great. I was (as a straight man would say) drunk but maybe more importantly it was with a guy I was passionately in love with. But I never came close to having an orgasm.

Later: Top, bottom equals dominant, submissive? and More gay male bottoms than tops?

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It takes lots of time, patience and practice, relaxation and above all, abandon!

The few times that I’ve topped a “top” I found the problem was that he really wasn’t into the bottom role and suffered more than necessary because he wasn’t “abandoned” - I find that allowing a top to take control is probalby one of the most exiting things about being a bottom, and with that excitement the orgasm comes quite naturally :o)

Oddly, I’ve never had trouble relaxing my sphincter muscle. The one time I really enjoyed being on the bottom I think I did manage to completely surrender to the experience. Can’t imagine getting an orgasm from it. Too bad.

I find, being mainly a bottom, that the orgasm while being the bottom is most intense.

I have to agree with spyke… but what I am sure he means by abandon, I tend to think of in terms of melting. I guess we have our own words; I melt in the presence of a confidant top (hell, anyone that wants to fuck me, confidently!). It’s a mindset; one that you just know is the way it is supposed to be for you. I guess for me, that is what defines my queerness.

It wasn’t always that way for me. I convinced myself my desires couldn’t be true by the age of 20 (small town in farm country); even though I was jamming nearly anything phallic-shaped up my ass since the age of 11 (I have a special fondness for a wicker foot-stool of my mother’s with detachable, smooth-wooden legs) and at 14 telling a straight friend (mistake) I was getting wet between the legs for a quite masculine, dark, hairy, though unshakabley straight classmate (god, what legs!). I further confused myself when I fell in with a older, bisexual(?) woman, who knew what she wanted and how to get it (it worked for me too!), taught me how to please her, and was into leather (she knew a master harness maker!). If she had not also had a jealous lesbian lover I might be with her yet. Imagine trying to find another woman like that! It took a long time but I finally got back to being normal; I could have used you, Richard, in 1971, when I was 16!

“It took a long time but I finally got back to being normal;” what’s “normal”? No, really, i am not being cute with this. Other than straight “vanilla” (usually missionary position), i have no idea what normal is. And talking to a lot of my “vanilla” friends, “normal” seems to be no sex at all. i went through a period of celibacy…… it was just because for a long time, i completely lost interest in sex. Now i am having lots and lots of sex again, and i can’t imagine going without it now. and oh, isn’t sex wonderful? OMG, i think i am becoming insatiable again. ….. time for a cold shower…..

That was the year I turned 17 and discovered how much I like pretty guys. I was happy to be gay the moment I realized it but still had some growing to do before I could’ve been of help to anyone else.


….normal is simply what I am…. it is for me defined by the feeling of peace (rightness?) that came to me when I finally came to accept myself as queer…. that might sound a bit too on the spiritual side, but it describes the reality of what I experienced….

For me, the surrender to a top is very much a turn on. The idea that I am giving my top pleasure with my inner soul gives me a huge rush. I try to turn into my tops actions, needs, and try to understand his progression as he is penetrating me. Usually, it starts becoming very natural as I get turned on, and he is pleasing me sexually also. As he starts getting there, so am I, and when you couple that with your mad desire to get him off in you, well, let’s just say mother nature takes over. I love it when we have mutual orgasms, that is the best. As a bottom, I have the desire to “take him” and “get pumped full of cum”, and once he gets you over the hump, the rest is quite natural. That’s why male to male sex is so awesome! As a bottom, we really do know what he needs, if you give it to him, he will give it to you, and the rest is wrapped up in that sexy rythmic sound of the bed springs you you both melt into one huge sexual pleasure trip that ends with that warm feeling and closeness of love as it “happens”. In my mind, I live to please my Top.

The key I thinik is you truely must be a bottom. For me, as a young man I was fortunate to have a young doctor show me how to love him as a bottom. He was very gentle with me, and after about a month of pretty steady “get togethers” I knew I was a complete bottom. That is really important, as it is a frame of mind, or role desire to really need to pleasure your TopMan. The whole process really turns me on, and I completly surrender my body to my top lover. I tune in to his progression during love making, and I think this helps me as I am very orgasmic and it is very easy for my Top to make me orgasm without even touching myself. But it happens easy for me because I really “want it”. Once it happens for me it is a warm feeling, and the pleasure “washes” over me. I know us gay guys dont like to be thought of as feminine, but for me,perhaps I adapt to the submissive , receptive , feminine role, I accept my desire,let my feelings control me, and I become very close to my top lover because of it. I find it to be very natural for me, but , that I believe is because I am a peace with my submissive role. If that makes me somewhat feminine with my lover, that is ok, as I feel I am even closer to my lover………and that is what really feels good. So for me, my orgasms probably are very much what a woman experiences.

I don’t think that enjoying bottoming is feminine. At least unless the person on the bottom feels that way. There are some very ‘butch’ bottoms.

Not sure how submissive it is either. It certainly is for many men who want a very strong forceful guy on top.

And some guys just enough any erotic experience.

I don’t mind being on the bottom. Just wish I could’ve gotten more out of it when I was.

well… i just think that the ORGASM comes with the time… of having a top inside of you…

As a bottom, i have to say that not every time i get fucked i orgasm. The Top has a lot to do with whether i do orgasm or not, especially his responsiveness and creativity and how much pleasure he is getting out of it. Of course, the more sensual the fucking is, the more pleasure i get and the easier it will be to climax. The physical way the fucking is done also plays a huge part. But it is also a mind thing. Seeing the expressions on the face of the TOP while fucking me (lying on my back legs up) is sometimes enough to give me an orgasm.

I’ve been on the top more than the bottom but it certainly struck me how boring guys on top can be. It isn’t just a matter of motion.

Being a bisexual I can enjoy fucking my wife but what really turns me on is submitting to a masculine top. The man can be anything from a skinny geek to a bear and as long as he’s masculine (including short hair, at least some facial hair and well-bitten fingernails) I usually have an orgasm when the man fucks me. I was so turned on by one man I came when he face-fucked me with my head in his vice-like grip yet I never touched my cock. Once again, the important thing is the Top’s sexual enjoyment and the bottom pleasing the top who fucks him. I dont look or act fem and few at work know I like dicks in me but I still enjoy a man using my holes for his sexual pleasure. If the top is more masculine than the bottom that bottom has a higher chance of having an orgasm when the top fucks him. The important consideration is the top’s pleasure and the top having himself a nice orgasm in the bottom. I’ve been fucked by men who treated me like a good buddy or their girlfriend as well as been used by some quite condescending studs and both turn me on and I have an orgasm when I get fucked.

I’m like Lij in that I was pushing dick-shaped things into my ass since my young teenage years. What I enjoy most about being fucked is the actual physical sensation, and maybe I’m selfish at that point but I’m not worrying about the top enjoying himself, because I know that if it’s staying hard and he’s still fucking me, he’s getting his. If I’m able to think coherently about anything, then I’m not enjoying myself. When I’m getting fucked good, my awareness constricts onto my hole and his cock moving inside it.

I’ve always like pretty and feminine guys, and only became attracted to conventionally masculine ones later in life, so the butchness of the guy doesn’t matter to me. I like him to be at least somewhat to rather aggressive in coming on, and to know what he wants sexually, so that he directs me to do what he wants, rather than asking, and doesn’t mind if I act like I’m enjoying myself.

Actual compatibility during sex is difficult to predict, but it’s a combination of the size and shape of his dick, and how he fucks me. I’ve had it from guys who plunge away, who are intentionally rough and just get it in as far as they can and move it around there, and they all can be incredible.

I have to have my dick touched to get off, but I’m usually so turned on while I’m being fucked that it doesn’t take much.

I used to orgasm as a bottom before I lost my prostate gland to cancer.

The answer to the mystery is that a top stimulates the prostate which is the gland responsible for ejaculation.

I know about the prostate gland but have never had mine give me an orgasm. Pity.

as a bi guy iv had men fuck me and the pleasure was incredible but never orgasmed then started dating my girlfriend and she is bi and said she would love to try a strap-on so we did and not more than 5 min in i exploded all over the place….. im actually looking foward to her lifting my legs up into the air and fucking me tonight

I’m a gay guy who likes being both the top and the bottom, but my experience is that anal sex is all about the bottom’s pleasure, not the top’s. Just watch some good gay porn and you’ll notice that it’s the bottom who’s in complete ecstasy throughout the experience and the top who’s just pumping away and looking rather astonished at how much pleasure his dick is giving the bottom. It can be a big turn-on to fuck a bottom who’s really into it, but the most intense physical pleasure is what the bottom experiences. The orgasms I’ve experienced while getting fucked are incredibly mind-blowing, and while I’m having them, I’m never thinking about the top’s pleasure; I’m thinking about how much the top is pleasuring me.

I’ve pretty much given up on the idea of ever getting that much pleasure out of bottoming but maybe I’ll get lucky.

OK, different perspective. Same history, been fucking myself for years. But guys do not turn me on. My fantisy? Being fucked by a woman who is loving it as much as i am, if i can reach the state belief in my mind, i can cum without touching myself. Biggest wish? My wife and i could physicaly switch boddies, just so i can truely feel it from her persective, and her mine. I think a big part of it for me, is some one taking pleasure FROM my body, rather then me giving it. Wife has warmed up to the idea of a strap on, maybe i dont have to take matters into my own hands anymore.

Signed, my wifes whore

Many heterosexual couples do this with the woman using a strap-on dildo. This is a surprisingly common but little talked about practice. There are books and videos like Bend Over Boyfriend.

The mystery of my anal orgasms took years and is still “under development” . It all started due to a back injury that keeps me from enjoying top position (PAIN). But I have figured out HOW to induce the sensitivity inside my tail that with a little play and help from my loving tease-box wife. She will set me off on a series of orgasms that usually have me screaming, tears running from my eyes, my ass (and body) twitching in spasmodic intensity. No penile or prostrate orgasm even comes close. These are DEEP anal orgasms whose sensitivity wraps around the entire length of the cock inside my ass. When I am in this incredible wash of rapture, I am dependent on my spouse in the most submissive way and I am growing to want and need that dependence – a set of emotions I regard as “very womanly” and as I “become more and more a bottom” I cherish the girl-ness of being fucked. I wallow in the lust (anticipation), the pleasure, and the position of submitting to her more and more in all aspects. I don’t just want to feel fucked, I want to feel her holding me (cuddling) me when she is done. It takes a few minutes for the spasms to die down and I lay body-twitching in spread eagle under her feeling cherished and cherishing. A POWERFUL emotion I didn’t have before in sexual relations. I do SO wish for a silky smooth and hot squirting cock inside my ass, but I am locked into needing this generous and talented woman I married 24 years ago. We all should do so well as to settle down like this someday, I might as well make the best of it. We both have generous retirement accounts and plans to travel if I am able. I keep hoping she may let me stray for “clean dick”, but she knows I might like it too much and keeps me in her orbit. It is her protection as well as pleasure that I need. (odd-I am a big man, she is a little woman) Meanwhile, I don’t even know how to “signal” a male I am interested in “being done” and probably won’t learn how. I do have the external sacral “bootygasm” pleasures as well, it is part of the foreplay that gets me going. But a large very soft rubber dildo in place after a gentle saline flushing, takes 15-30 minutes to begin the acceptance, that I want it in there. Then I remove it as our rendezvous begins. Then she starts in and touches me like a woman, erotically putting me in my place – under her control. Wow. It’s what I really really want. I never knew. Her touches tease me to want penetration and how we get to that is part of the very pleasant anticipatory journey. Part of the tease that makes the sensitivity so heightened. BTW I am a fairly active religious, 40 years hetero, 51 y.o. male. Professional Hispanic/Caucasian Engineer. I have not always been tolerant of sexual diversity…until I needed a bed-position change and gradually adopted an attitude change. Now I am a powerful and passionate convert. I live in the very intolerant central US and so I can only talk about it online, and with my spouse. I await an opportunity to lead in such a way as to not lose my job, church standing and respect of my family. Much has to change. Meanwhile, our kids have to be out of the house as I am so loud I fear the neighbors hear me yelling “please fuck me”. I know the late teens suspect, but kids today are very tolerant and still accept me based on what little they think they know (enema bag, dildos,…not in Mom’s bathroom). I get along with them very well and am a popular volunteer coach at their H.S. and at the local college. I am popular with the kids and the parents – but only so long as my secret remains a secret. IF outed, I will live, but want to teach when I retire, so I have no plans to step out. I am good at encouraging teens and twenties and keeping my emotions in the right column. Its my plan - and it has multiple major anal orgasms out the gazoo, so who am I to be impatient? Ask me more – yes I want it …

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