What about a top makes a bottom happy?

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I was exchanging emails with a friend who has tried to oblige by topping but is really happy only as a bottom.

In the idiom of personal ads I've usually described myself as "versatile." Or "versatile but biased toward being top." Some of my cyber personae simply said they were tops. In the land of sodomitical online dating is like being rich, exhilaratingly handsome, owning a fancy car: makes you an in demand commodity.

I was proud of my versatility. But it proved bogus. And I wonder why?

In my fantasy life being sodomized can be a thrill. But in real life

I can relax my sphincter like I took Advanced Bottom Studies. There's no faux-masculine pride that constricts my anus. It doesn't give me the willies. Nor much pleasure. I've been there, say, maybe ten times. Once was superb. A couple of times it was pleasant, nothing special: not nearly as hot as having my ears licked. During the remainder I was being obliging. While he was puffing and thrusting I was variously waiting for sleep, wanting a cigarette, wondering if I had new email.

Why? It isn't, to use a word from queer yesteryear, a "butch" thing.

Straight strapon fans get a kick out of it, though that may be the role as much as the action.

Do I have a defective prostate gland? Should I apply to the manufacturer for a replacement?

Role is part of the pleasure for some (many, all?) bottoms. My inner video on demand service has a submissive channel. Have I just been getting "I'm sorry that service isn't available right now."

Maybe I've only been with the wrong tops. That sure might be a part of it: pump, pop, snore. Call me girlie (why the fuck would I care what you call me?) but I've always been the warm-up is better than the finale.

I've - quite soberly, really - wondered if the prostate tickling powers of a man might be affected by the shape of his penis.

And I've wondered if being the kind of top that bottoms want to see again is always simply that you are tender and loving or have some exotic expertness. Perhaps some men make better tops because they - examining my shoelaces, checking on conditions in outer space - are slow to orgasm and thus give the bottom what he enjoys: lots of time being on the bottom.

None of the above explains my own limitation but did serve the purpose of giving me something to type today.

Earlier entries on similar themes: More gay male bottoms than tops?, The mystery of bottoms' orgasms, Top, bottom equals dominant, submissive?.


My role, and my enjoyment of being either a top or bottom, has more to do with who I’m with, than what I’m doing.

I think the things you like to do in bed are like a extension of your own personality, because it says how you like to share intimitate moments with the person you love.

Myself, I enjoy being a bottom, but not because I would not feel any pleasure being at the top, it just feels better, more “right”.

I was sort of exploring my surprise that I’m not able to live up to my self-image.

And just noodling to distract myself. My weblogs are a good way to keep myself going while I’m waiting to see who if anybody I’m living with. Bless their verbose pages.


I don’t think position matters. Making the other person is the important thing. I was meditating on my own inability to live up to my own billing and why something that I can enjoy in fantasy has never done much for me in fleshly life.

A top’s masculinity is what makes me happy. I am happy when a masculine man has a good piece of me and a nice orgasm in me.

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What about a top makes a bottom happy?
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