What If You Lose Your Lover?

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Sometimes when I think of Alex(andra)/Send(y) I feel as if she were created just for me.

Only Alex sees my masculine androgyny. Her gender fluidity is so breathtakingly wondrous I gasp sometimes when I think of it. I’m a blessed man to have known her. It is a confirmation of much of what I’ve thought, the fulfillment of many a dream.

And, honestly, at times I think just of her round bottom.

Tonight she raised the awful possibility: hormones or me.

Perhaps the requirements of hormone therapy will leave her unable to leave the UK. And I’ll face a future without her.

I can honestly say I just want what is best for her. Either choice: I’ll cope with it.

What will I do if I lose her. I think it may really be time for me to move on from my romantic needs. With an androgyne or whoever.

To accept my destiny as a solitary person. I’m good at being alone. Really I have little use for the companionship of most of mankind. Mostly people bore or annoy me.

But the day comes when you have to “butch up” and face reality square in the face. (Think of the Woody Woodpecker where he sits across the table from Starvation.)

Romantic success isn’t given to many of us.

Relish the joys you are permitted. Cultivate equanimity when you lose them.

Some such revolting wisdom, which is no less true for being trite.


We were made for each other so it would take an awful lot to come between us. And besides, what with me deciding and being able to go private, I’ll probably have much more freedom over the schedule, though I’ll find out very soon.

Wish I could give you a hug. Instead at least I have this music work to bury my head in until it’s time to come home to you. Which really won’t be long now.

Love you xx

Yeah, I feel like you were specially constructed just for me. How we complement each other, the range we share.

Donít let my speculations fret you. You know it is my nature to always be weighing the possibilities.

All My Love.

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Pansexual Sodomite
Love and Lust
What If You Lose Your Lover?
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