What if your lover is better looking than you are?

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Following up my note about the desire for an erotic ideal conflicting with accepting the available guy.

I guess some folks see themselves as merely available. Maybe they are. Like all of us the weigh their imperfections against the seemingly flawless sex objects in the magazines, movies or on the next bar stool.

Finding themselves the lover of one of these immaculate studs they wonder how long it'll last. When will he go in search of someone unblemished as himself.

That assumes that living with beauty is the same as looking at it from a distance. And even when you look at the photos of sexy men it probably isn't always the shape of their pecs or size of their phallus that grabs you. Even in porn it can be the ironic smile, the bashful or commanding eyes.

When you are grazing through the web or watching movies perfect faces and bodies are infinitely replicated. Even in the world of superficial eroticism a distinctive mouth, way of walking, some detail.

If the average gay man saw some the guys I've fallen for he'd just shake his head. OK, I have a kink. You probably have one or many as well. You may not know them all. Thick fingers with strong knuckles maybe? A certain pattern of chest hair?

You who may think yourself flawed compared to your beloved may have mannerism, quirks of appearance that excite him. I remember one boy whose nose was too large for classical beauty. I loved that nose.

If he's an awesome hunk and you two stay together after the morning after there's more than looks at work. That only lasts so long. Maybe it is great sex. No small thing. Being handsome doesn't make anybody a good lover.

If it is shared laughter, pleasure in the same things then you are giving him something he can't get from someone who might be better looking.

Maybe he will stray. It is easy for accept what you have and go off for what you think you want. And then kick yourself for years thereafter for your mistake.


Iíve had several handsome boyfriends, a few of them were exceptionally good looking but I never felt at ease with them. Its not that I feared they would dump me for a better looking guy, I grew tired of their unwillingness to leave the house without 3 hours of prep time. The hair must be perfect, the nails must be perfect. blahÖ blah… blah. If I need to get dressed up I can and if I need to look hot I can, but I donít have to do it to go to the store on Sunday morning just to get a paper. It wasnít their perfection that bothered me but the need for perfection. I viewed it as an unhealthy lifestyle. I want less perfection and more human. My husband is 20 years my senior. Heís old and fat. But then again, Iím old and fat, so it fits.

I love to look at youthful beauty. I love photographing it. I also love looking at a new Ferrari.

But I would never own one. The maintenance is just too high.

Better looking than me? Never! :-p Though if I’m to be in a relationship with someone, looks are really at the bottom of the checklist (as long as my attraction is strong, that is all that matters to me).

From the your comment and the ones left on the earlier entry somebody needs to tell the producers of Queer as folk.

While having been involved with guys who primp and I enjoyed watching them do it none of those relationships lasted long enough or were deep enough for me to have a chance to get tired of it.

The best looking guy I ever was involved with needed to do nothing and wore a t-shirt and jeans, sometimes putting on something slightly fancier to please me.

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Love and Lust
What if your lover is better looking than you are?
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