What is small?
» Love and Lust
The exception, she said, is pornography, which gay men view more that straight men[*]. And comparing one's penis size to a porn star's could lead even a well-endowed man to feel inadequate.
So perhaps it's not surprising that New York's gay community self-help arena has expanded beyond problems such as alcoholism and over eating to the affliction of a small penis.
"What is Small, Anyway," is the working name of a support group in Greenwich Village, which acts as a safe haven for gay men who have small penises, or feel as though they do.
Participants complain about a gay community in which men brag about being bigger than they are and a country where big is king. Like at other support groups, most in this group are grateful just to be in a room together with people trying to confront the same problem.
A slim man with reddish hair told a recent meeting that he is made to feel he doesn't measure up. "In our community the idea of what's average [size] is very distorted," he said.
A long, long time ago I wondered why penis enlargement spam didn't lead to complementary breast enlargement spam. Eventually we did.
I also wondered why no one bothered to target gay men for "bigger, longer, harder." I've seen my various profiles hit by dating spam. The first one fooled me.
Of course spammers simply sent it out to everybody, no reason to target queers. If as some have speculated organized crime becomes more involved with spam maybe they'll sharpen the exploitative techniques. Oh what a happy world that will be.
Do gay men worry more about penis size than straights? The unquoted portion of the article at the top says that hetero men worry about their penis because they don't have an don't see many. (An argument that would die for women's breasts if the average woman were less influenced by Jennifer Aniston.)
Within a year or so of coming out most gay men have a reasonable statistical population with which to compare themselves. Honestly I can't say that I paid much attention to length and girth.
But I do think gay men do care mightily. Even if it is mainly a quality they crave in another man it is something they'll feel they need if they are going to be seen as sexually desirable. Back when the bearded look became de rigueur I wondered if the Castro Clones enjoying maintaining their beards or had them because it was a look they wanted in another man. (OK, I'm biased: I don't like facial hair. I kept my moustache because guys liked it. Eventually shaving around it evolved into unconsidered habit.)
Life experience, working in the escort trade tells me that most gay men lie about their penis in personal ads. Or if there's a gay gene it is accompanied by the 8˝" gene. (If they'd had phalloplasty they'd have gone for more only to discover how unwieldy a huge one can be.)
How many catty remarks about how unwell hung some guy is? I've known plenty of gay men who'll make a point of saying that someone they don't like or a despised ex-lover lacks tangible manhood.
I guess this caught my attention because when I came out I tended to think of being gay as freedom from silly sexual shibboleths. Another youthful illusion shot to Hell.
* This made me bristle at first. Probably it is true. Even though I can't get a thrill out of porn, it is kind of thing gay men as less likely too inhibitions about than straight men who are busy worrying who'll see them in the adult movie shop.
Related: Is your self-esteem hanging between your legs?.
Earlier: Penis
Comments
The concept of insufficiency in penile size seems to be the one constant between gay and straight men. For straight men, they are constantly told size doesn’t matter. They are told the vagina is adaptable to any size and able to conform itself around the most insignificant erections. This probably works until they use a public rest room or locker room at the gym or pool and encounter a man whose prominence is significant. I’ve heard (and experienced) a smaller penis will instinctively make itself smaller when encountering one that is exceedingly large, as if to lessen risking attack from an Alpha Male. For gay men, where sexual partners come into the relationship with the same equipment, comparisons are bound to occur. Problems probably arise when the mutual sex practice is incompatible with one partner or the other. While sucking a three-inch erection maybe easy, especially if you’ve never been good at overcoming the gag reflex, but being fucked by one may decrease a certain amount of expected sensations (you can’t stimulate the prostate if you can’t reach it). Of course, in a stable relationship, whether gay or straight, size loses its significance because both partners have adapted their sexual practices to the equipment available. Then, there’s age, the great leveler where size is immaterial if you can’t get it up but once every other 3.3 earthquake in Nebraska or when you take a little pill “that may not work for every man.”
Posted by: Dan | January 20, 2004 11:07 PM
I suspect I’ve been away from gay men for too long (most of my friends are straight, have been for a long time). I remember plenty of guys who had a declared minimum. Can’t remember any of my gay friends confiding that they wished they had more.
But thinking back to when I first came out I know that if I’d been found wanting it probably would’ve done some awful things to my mind.
Do love those personal ads: “Wanted: sincere loving man for caring LTR. Must be 7” or better.”
Posted by: Richard | January 21, 2004 4:14 PM
I don’t know many women who are after a guy with enormous tackle- it’d hurt too much for starters. Plus I’ve heard enough stories about very well endowed guys being shithouse in bed because they think their er, largeness, is enough, and things like foreplay or making an effort are unnecessary, to put me off ever chasing one. Sorry to butt in uninvited, but I was just backing up Dan. I’ve told all the guys I’ve dated (all 3, heh) that size doesn’t matter, and I wasn’t really lying. It’s not like I’m going to whip out a ruler and write down measurements, anyway :D
Posted by: pru | January 23, 2004 7:19 AM
A couple of women have confessed an enjoyment of a bit of extra width but not extra length. If the man doesn’t know how to manage it he’ll just hurt her.
Posted by: Richard | January 23, 2004 3:49 PM
Hello,
My name is Tom, and I am the Executive Producer of the Ron and Don Show. During our news segment last week, we commented on your community, “What is Small, Anyway?” We’d love to share your story to our audience, I’m wondering if someone would be able to e-mail me back, and perhaps set up an interview in the near future? We want to talk to you and help promote your organization.
My e-mail address has been included, please contact me at your convenience, and hopefully we can schedule something soon! Thanks, Tom
Posted by: Ron and Don | January 30, 2004 1:35 PM
Hello,
My name is Tom and I have an embarassingly small penis but I am looking to get into a gay relationship. I’d like to talk to some gay ment about this and possible more. *wink
email or IM me KeepinItRealin03@aol.com
Posted by: Top | May 28, 2004 8:00 AM
Too much is made of cock size while too little is mentioned about masculinity. Sure a big cock may be nice for putting the pain to an asshole or trying to gag some cocksucker but I myself would rather suck and be fucked by a masculine man with five inches or less than by some fem with a foot-long. A fem’s dick is just a clit and little more. The important thing on a top is not size but masculinity and how enjoyable a fuck and orgasm the top can have when fucking a bottom or getting sucked off. I used to swing a lot and the smaller endowed masculine men were all great studs who threw great fucks into me as well as had nice meat to suck on. I tried a few well-hung but less masculine types before I learned which is better and that the less masculine types are more fit to service us masculine men by taking our meat in their mouths or up their asses, regardles of who has the bigger dick. I’m a masculine looking and acting semi-versatile but I do it according to which one of us is the more masculine partner, both bottoming for the masculine men as well as putting my 6” meat to the less masculine ones, all regardless of cock size. The size queens let themselves get stretched out by bigger and bigger dicks until a normal man cant “satisfy” them even though it’s the top who is entitled to be satisfied, the bottom’s purpose being to satisfy the top.
Posted by: Pat | September 1, 2004 5:26 PM
I am a gay male in my 20s. I was blessed with a very handsome face, and an above average body but my penis is very small.
I do feel inadequate with my penis, and a large penis is just very exciting to me. ( 7 inches and above ). Penis size is just one preference. Some guys prefer hairy guys, some like smooth. If we all liked the same things life would be boring.
I work out a lot at the gym, so I have asked a few guys out after seeing them undress in the locker room. Yes, I like good personalities, but theres nothing wrong with liking body parts either.
I am now dating a guy that I met at the gym with a great personality, and his uncircumcised penis is 7.75 inches long and very thick. When we go out his face does not turn as many heads as mine, and I could really care less.
I know he likes my face, and I know I like his penis. Maybe its a trade off. We enjoy each others company and hes got a great sense of humor.
We did not have sex until a month after the first date, so the size of his penis was not what we talked about.
I compliment him on his humor, personality, caring attitude, and penis. He compliments me. Sleeping with him is just wonderful. I know when we work out at the gym that all eyes will be on him in the locker room and in the shower, and thats okay. He knows his large penis attracts lots of looks.
Straight guys check each out in the showers too.
We are monagamous and thats imnportant to me.
Posted by: Justin | November 7, 2004 12:41 AM
I have a very small penis and I am ashamed to use it on my gay lover. If anybody experienced a similar situation, please email me and temm me how you coped with the embarrassing size. I don’t come her often to check responses so email would be a preference.
Posted by: herosamaratin@yahoo.com | August 23, 2008 10:42 PM