Again: Loving Someone Transgendered
See more » Loving a Transsexual
From my chilly vantage atop my mountain peak I look down free of all the gender notions you folks have.
I’m not really free but my archetypes are perhaps a bit atypical.
I’ve confessed that there are times when I want Alex to be a femme boy. Not that she’d ever be the kind that left glitter dust in her wake. Or - thankfully - aimed at the high drama of the dramaqueens that have been my fatal attraction among gay men.
She’s too womanly.
Have I ever shared with you how much I enjoy seeing her in a pair of women’s slacks that show off her girlish butt? My delight in seeing her in a short skirt? How I whimper with pleasure when her legs are smooth?
Alex will probably finally begin a round of hormone treatments. She’ll have breasts.
When we were chatting about it the other night the image of her with small girlish breasts sent a frisson along every nerve ending of my body.
But I felt a little guilty. I still hope in the back of my brain that she’ll remain an androgyne. A hermaphrodite if you will, but none of the more vulgar terms so popular with pornographers.
Part of me is still enamored of my youthful image of a boy with breasts. This isn’t fair to someone who feels female and wishes to live as one.
It isn’t as if I’ve thought of her as anything other than a girl in a long time. Or have I?
A tension between our fetishistic desires, our erotic ideals and what we can have, what our partners need will always be with us. Thankfully I’m too faithful a man - in a comprehensive sense - to be anything other than happy with what she needs.
I may be too finical in addressing implicit conflicts that have to real substance.
This inner dialectic is probably evidence more of a desire to be the perfect man than anything else. That does sound self-flattering. But I’m not sitting here trying to think of ways to persuade her to live in any fashion other than what she desires.
And the possibility that the teats that my mind caresses when she’s here will become actual does make me feel a bit giddy, silly and happy.