He and She
See more » Loving a Transsexual
In speaking of Alex with others I often refer to her as he. Mostly to spare confusion or unneeded explanations. Partly because I knew Alex as Sendy - a boy - for many years: habit.
When I use the male pronoun in talking of Alex with others often I feel a momentary confusion: falsity. For a long stretch now Alex has been wholly female: she’s my girlfriend.
But I never felt qualms about using he with Alex herself. Alex got upset last night. I’d unthinkingly used the male pronoun and wounded her.
You may think I’m stupid and insensitive. I’ll grant that but with a demurral. When I first really understood Alex’s sexual identity I asked about pronoun usage. She said not to worry.
Sometimes my brain works in too literal, an almost legalistic fashion. Perhaps from my long friendship with Gordon who is too lucid and plainspoken to fall prey to ambiguities.
I’m not wasting time on guilt. She’s my beloved and I must be more mindful and protective.
If my friend Pristine reads this he may recall that our first exchange years ago was about proper pronoun use and transvestites.