Hearing Anna Nicole Smith Vomit
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QIf you find so much that is unworthy of reverence in the United States, then why do you live here?
A.Why do men go to the zoo?
Pro bimbo Anna Nicole Smith has been my most recent cultural treat. Her name has floated blankly in my mind for a few years. I knew as much about her as I do Carmen Diaz.
Last week I read how she’d married a decrepit billionaire. He’d kindly died and after a bit of legal hassle she’d walked away with $86,000,000 and half his ashes. The billionaires son got to keep the other half.
Ms. Smith has a TV show on E!, “The Cable Channel for Morons Addicted to Celebrities.” On her show she’d escorted the ashes about her home. Touching or perhaps touched.
You can imagine my delight when I discovered that her show would be airing that night. The opening cartoon is funny, worth seeing. She’d abandoned the rigorous dieting that enabled her to become a Playmate of the Year. (Her burnt husband’s legacy can buy all the liposuction she’ll might ever want and insures she’ll never lack for paramours.)
I didn’t last long. The Smith Gang had an eating contest and we were treated to the sounds of Anna forcing herself to vomit in an attempt to win. There wasn’t a chance in Hell I could top that so I went to the lesser TV dreck.
If you’ve ever wondered what a Jerry Springer guest would do after winning the lottery you know now.