Unhealthy Indifference
Amotivational disorder.
Amotivational disorder.
On not modifying, changing habits and mode of life.
On living by myself without a friend or lover as roommate or lifemate.
Americans should have the right to remove themselves from among the living decently and with dignity. But Christian prejudice denies us that civil right.
Am I timid, am I brave: while I don't want to be tested it leaves me feeling confused as to what I'm capable of.
Comparative dominance, pushiness, control and direction in my loving relationships with other people.
Hidden signs of emotional distress, heartache after the end of a romantic relationship.
Looking at my personal history with a mix of regret and pleasure. A life imperfectly lived but with self-acceptance.
Whether I'm pansexual or queer often I find myself culturally estranged by the majority population of straight men and women.
Candid conversation with a queerly pansexual man from Durham, North Carolina.
A possible perception of my archetypal sense of my father whose evil temper so strongly shaped my life.
Depression, poverty: can even the love of a good transsexual woman keep me going or should I just die?
Depression fades, joy returns: I'm reborn as the happy man I normally see myself being.
The joy of making a new friend, conversation, empathy and insight.
Tears on my pillow, hating life, unhappy to be alive.
My lover became a drug addict, neglected reading my blog and I left him for someone else.
Intuition and intelligence at war with depression and hopelessness.
Need advice? What can I tell you about pansexuality, being gay, loving transgendered and femme gay guys. This is your chance to gain an insight into my mind.
Lover out of the country, ex-lover recently dead. I have to learn to live in my house by myself all over again.
The dismal, depressing feeling of being alone and lonely even if it is only for a few months.
Durham, NC: Animal control will come and get my ex-lover's dog.
On the dangers of being charming and the power of seeming vulnerable.
Thanking people for letting me know how much they care about my ex-lover's death.
My ex-lover overdramatized his life, unable to see the comedy and it killed him.
My former boyfriend Charles Alan Cagle died in my house of a drug overdose.
Making and maintaining friendships made on the web.
Man of two worlds, transvestite freedom fighter comes for a visit.
Watching my ex-lover scrap crack and cocain from my bathroom floor.
Psychiatric medications that have given my bipolar, drug addicted ex-lover a better life.
Love is dead, time to just move on and enjoy life.
Remeron - mirtazapine - seems to be helping my ex-lover cope with his depression and emotional pain.
When love gone bad leaves you fat and unlovable, unsexy.
Durham, NC: porch swing collapsed, some of my house's wiring is shorted out.
Love has died: my home, my health and my sexuality are all in need of rehabilitation.
My lover is addicted to crack and I had to leave the home that I own to get away from him.
My boyfriend winds up as a psychiatric inpatient for suicide prevention when I tell him we can't live together any longer.
For National Coming Out Day I write of my own discovery that I'm gay and coming out to loved ones.
I hoped my weblog would help keep me from leaving my lover but he wouldn't read the words I'd written.
If someone writes about themselves in public on the web and their boyfriend or girlfriend doesn't bother to read their blog does that mean they don't really care?
Duke psychiatrist prescribes Neurontin which causes my crack addicted boyfriend to start smoking crack again.
Love dies and the pansexual sodomite feels confused by his various desires.
The horror of living with someone addicted to crack, heroin and other drugs.
Knew him on the web for years, finally I called him on the telephone and we chatted and had a good time.
Time for my crack-addicted boyfriend to get his addiction under control or for me to move on with my own life even if I must leave him behind.
Bought a new vegetable steamer. Wish I knew how to recreate the Georgia cooking my momma used to cook for me.
My boyfriend became a crack addict. I'm hoping he can learn clarity and we can live together and love one another again.
I tried many drugs but nothing as as pleasurable as Black Beauty a form of speed popular long ago.
I fear that mostly I just want to disentangle myself from the life of my crack addicted lover.
When my lover became a crack addict he invented a friend who does not exist to explain where he was and what he was doing.
How I learned that my love is addicted to crack cocaine.
One discovering that my lover is addicted to crack cocaine.
On coming to appreciate the value of seeming to be agressive. Agressive gay men get more guys. And it keeps pests and beggars at bay, makes store clerks attend to you.
Jailed for drugs in Statesboro, GA I came out of the closet to my daddy.
When I was young I was enjoyed my LSD. Never as equally excited by marijuana. And I'll never forget jimson weed.
Down in the doldrums I'm reading Liebling and watching Jeeves and Wooster on DVD.
My lover's laziness may end my relationship and a few words about the Friends TV show: fear of male touching, intimacy.
On running a personal ad to get even with a bad man who has abused you.
I buy a used cab from a taxi driver who works for Associated Taxi here in Durham, NC.
My boyfriend hurt his jaw in a bike accident but wouldn't go to the hospital until I made him.
Wondering if I should leave my lover. He fell from a bike and hurt his head today. Hard to think of going when he is in pain.
Nasty surprise: discover that your lover is stealing your money.
Quotidian note on one man's daily life, it isn't a gripping read. Love is a pain, work a chore. So it often is for many of us merely human beings.
Gay man recounts the impending end of a romantic relationship.
Are romantic relationships worth having if there's no passion, no romance?
Mistakes in love, errors in romance, loving wrongly, silly passion, bad lovers: even gay men can do all the wrong things when they are too romantic for their own good.
Being a pansexual man every kind of person, every type of body, every fluke of biology is worthy of love and lust.
Durham, NC: my lover brings a crack addict home and lets him stay in our house.
Pharmacological psychiatry doesn't cure lonliness, gay men who want to be virgings are foolish and probably need sex more than psychiatry
I'm a gueer guy and most of my friends are heterosexual men - how about you?
I'm a very sloppily dressed gay man who refutes the stereotype of queer eye for the straight guy.
Autobiographical writings of Richard Evans Lee who calls himself the pansexual sodomite.