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Doorbell rang a couple of hours ago (5:00 a.m.). If Charles werenít out of town Iídíve ignored it. But fear that something mightíve happened to him got me up.
Some guy Iíd never seen before wanted to know if he could have a couple of beers. Anne, the neighborhood crackwhore, had sent him to ask. A bit beyond the reasonable scope of neighborliness.
Iíd been in a deep sleep, dreaming about some mad thing. Usually Iím awake well before five, the interruption left me a little pissed.
Maybe if God is pissed at me for not believing in Him heís decided to weaken me by keeping me from sleeping.
Several years ago I started waking up very early, between 4:00 a.m. and 6:00 a.m. When I donít wake up until 7:00 a.m. it seems like there should be a national celebration. It doesnít matter if I go to sleep at 9:00 p.m. or midnight, Iíll usually be up by 5:00 a.m. Since I work for myself I started going into work very early, sometimes 6:00 a.m. and leaving by 2:00 p.m. Thereís plenty to do: price books, catalog, pack ecommerce orders.
Before the problem of waking up too early Iíd been falling asleep at the worst times. Iíd be watching a movie with Gordon, at work in the shop and my eyes would close and the snoring would start. This was before I had a doctor. It never occurred to me to find out if it was some sort of metabolic defect. Eventually it stopped happening. Good thing since it irritated Gordon and I hated being woke up.
Several years earlier when I was living in Manhattan I couldnít go to sleep before sunrise. That didnít last more than three months. Being unemployed it was a minor inconvenience. Iíd speed the hours reading trashy science fiction, two or three books a night.
Falling asleep was the problem of my teen years. Initially I hated being in bed staring at the ceiling. Thankfully I adapted and passed the time thinking about number patterns and masturbating. The inability to fall asleep quickly mustíve been an expression of my misery at home. After moving away sleep came easily, often instantly.
My distrust of pharmaceutical companies will always keep me from looking for a chemical solution (although pot will help, since marijuana makes Charles very wacky I canít have any of it in the house). Lack of sleep would have to threaten my sanity before Iíd ask for medication. .